Tips for dealing with the side effects of metabolic syndrome

or any one in particular.. in the last post there are pictures of the skin issues,hair issues, etc... here are some tips..

obviously first of all, get to a doctor. they will beable to help you more than anyone.

but as far as this post goes.. this is how i deal with it all:

Medications and vitamins... these arent all mine. this isthe corner ofmy kitchen.. some aremy brothers and dads.. but most are mine. even if you don't have baraitric surgery, vitamins may still be a good idea. talk to your doctor. (:

these are all of my skincare and hair products (minus my razor.. forgot to add that in the picture.. haha.) Right now i'm using a lot of clean and clear products.. but i use everything.. neutrogena, clearsil, clean and clear, drugstore brands (like cvs) etc.. and yes. that is an egg. and yes that is lemon juice in there.. and in the blue cup is sugar. and the clear tiny cup next to it is baking soda.. egg facials help with pulling out oil and naturally moisturizing your skin.. lemon juice and sugar help clearout your skin and your pores.. baking soda paste helps dry out cysts, so does white toothpaste.

there is also differin there... its perscription. ith elps dry out my skin..i need toget a perscription that helps more specifically with acne.. if you cuoldn't tell in the last posts' pictures.. my skin isn't very clear right now... it was for the longest time.. but my meds got changed around.. and i'm not on Aldactone anymore... which is what i'm pretty sure was helping that. so i need to talk to my doctors, haha. but yeah..

oil free lotion, acne wash, exfoliating wash, clearing body wash (the acne isn't always just on your face. i have it on my shoulders sometimes.) tweezers, sally hansen hairremover, hydrogen peroxide, biore pore strips.... its alot. it really is. /: i don't do it all every day, obviously.. otherwise i'd be spending hundreds ofdollars on this stuff.haha. the only things i use every day are the acne wash body wash and differin..

We just ran out. i just got a new bottle today, but it's a ph balancing 2in 1 shampoo/conditioner.. some people with thyroid issues can have really dry brittle hair.. but mine is really oily.. i literally cannot go more than 24 hours without washing it.. i'm sitting here right now, 12 hours since i took a shower.. andmy hair is already bugging me,.. but it used to be a lot worse before i tried this shampoo.

When i was 13 i had taken some makeup and hair classes... like..cosmetology classes.. you have no idea how glad i am that i did. i have a lotof makeup and hair products.. i do other peoples makeup and hair sometimes, along with my own... my flat iron, curling iron, aveda and aussie hair products, and whatever cheap makeup i can find at a drugstore realllllyyy kinda save me.. you can see in my last post,my skin is pretty terrible.. patchy.. some oily some dry, acne, hirsutism... well.. this is what i look like after i pack on some makeup.. :P

you can still see some of the acne.. but it's not as red.. i'm really pale. so my blood pressure raises the slightest bit, and my face gets really red.. but the makeup helps hide it.. this is just for my skin.. nothing extra. normaly when i go out i look like this:

But that's just me. haha. anyways. back to tips. one more.

I don't have a picture for it, but layering.. clothing wise. because so much weight with a lot of these conditions, is central obesity.. i've found its slimming to have longer shirts, and verticle lines.. not actual lines though.like.. an open hoodie or open cardigan, over a tanktop, and skinny jeans (at least with me.. my legs arent huge... most my weight is in my stomach.. the only pants i own besides sweats, are skinny jeans :P haha) not crazy patterns, solids are better.. If you ever run into me,i'll most likely be wearing skinny jeans converse a tanktop and a cardigan or a hoodie.. (: lol.

so yeah.. just a few things.

45 minutes till new years.. :P hope everyone is having a great day!!

-ashley.

www.facebook.com/justashley1637

www.twitter.com/justashley1637

ashleyellen1637@aol.com



Metabolic Syndrome Signs and Symptoms.

Here is a page with all of the technical terms: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome

There are a lot of things that can.... be involved, in metabolic syndrome. Insulin Resistance, impaired glucose tolerance, type 2 diabetes, PCOS, hypothyroidism, hypertension, other messed up hormogne levels,.. Theres a lot that can be involved.. They're all listed on that page.. and if you google 'Metabolic Syndrome' or any of its other names, more information will come up.

I was born with Insulin Resistance, but later on developed PCOS, hypothyroidism, hypertension, and Type 2 diabetes..

PCOS - Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Irregular menstrual cycles, possbly cysts on your ovaries, messed up hormogne levels... All men and women have male and female hormognes... men just have less estrogen than testosterone,woman have less testosterone than estrogen, etc..there are a fewother hormognes involved.. It wasn't testosterone, but.. androgens? it started with an A.. i think that's it... but its another male hormogne,and mine was high..

Hypothyroidism - an under-active thyroid gland.. meaning not enough hormognes areproduced and you can gain weight, have hair loss, low metabolism, not much energy..

Hypertension - high blood pressure.

Insulin Resistance & Type 2 Diabetes - self explanatory... if you don't know what either are... i'll do a post on that later... or just look it up online.

A lot of the symptoms for all of these, are similar.. which is partially why if you have more than 2 or 3 it can be combined into just 'metabolic syndrome'.. I was actually tested for cushings syndrome.. which also has similar symptoms.. I ended up not having it, but that's how they found my higher androgen levels. But my doctor called it 'Pseudo-Cushings' because again, it has all the symptoms... here are symptoms at are associated with a lot of those:

Self explanatory..  the oily or really dry skin and acne from messed up hormogne levels.

Acanthosis*** Nigricans is a really long name for something i can't spell or pronounce without google.. it basically means darker leather-y-feeling skin.. It used to be a lot worse. it has lightened up sincei've startedlosing weight. Some people have iton their chest and under their arms, too.. I have itunder my arms, aswell.

Hirsutism is another word i always forget how to spell.. but it basically means on females, hair where there normally isn't very much.. or male hair patterns.. thanks to elevated male hormogne levels. Tip: if you have this.. don't shave. seriously. don't. it will come back darker and rougher and you won't be able to go a day without stubble coming back.. i use nair or sally hansen cream hair remover, or bleach.. i purpously didn't for a week or so so icould take these pictures.

Central obesity.. meaning.. most of your weight is in your stomach/sides/hips/chest, rather than evenly distributed thorughout your arms and legs.. all of these pictures are me after i had surgery.. but you can still tell.. i don't have many pictures of me at my highest weight, where you can REALLY see it.. but some people are really thin, or even, or apear shapewhere most of your weight is in your hips/thighs.. but not with metabolic sydrome, or most ofthe things assosciated with it.. think of an apple shape.

lots of reddish purple stretchmarks around your abdomen/thighs/chest.. i got my first stretchmarks on my thighs around the time i was 9.. now you can't even see them, 7 years later.. haha. a lot of the oneson my back, sides, and stomach are fading.. they used to be a lot bright.. these all have came over the past 2 years.. i never used to have any on my stomach.. /: i miss those days.. lol.

and the last one that i actually have pictures of...

Everyone loses 100 hairs a day, according to the person who cuts my hair... well.. i lose way more than that. /: i have for the past 2 years.. there is a ton ofre-growth that sticks up and comes in.. all the hair that is pulled down there in the front in the picture, is regrowth.. the rest of my hair is all really long.. itspatchy. and extremely annoying. alot of times weight loss causes it.. but i'm fairly sure its my hormogne levels.. it's been going on for years..  i guess the stress on my body from surgery could be adding to it. but thankfully it's not as bad as it used to be.. if it was.. i think i'd be bald :x lol.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yeah.. that's that. along with low energy levels, irregular menstrual cycles for girls, uhm... obviously the messed up blood sugars, high blood pressure (or low blood pressure.. i've heard of that with some people.)

I'm sure theres numerous others.. but these are all of the ones i've had, or i've seen with people I know.

If you have 2 or more of these, i'd suggest going toa doctor.. just to be sure.

Have a nice day. (:

-Ashley.
www.facebook.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Oh, and... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! (:  its 10:20pm here in ohio right now.. but close enough, right? (:

Dietary Guidelines for people with Insulin Resistance or Type 2 Diabetes.

My entire life I battled with Insulin Resistance.. In June 2011 I found out it had progressed to Type 2 Diabetes, and in August I had the VSG (Verticle Sleeve Gastrectomy) and since then it hasn't been too much of a struggle to control my blood sugars, as it was before.

But For fifteen years of my life.. Controlling my blood sugars, my weight, my blood pressure,all that... Was a daily part of my life.

I guess I thought I had tried every diet possible.. But I missed one big one.. High Protein. I realized this after I started going to my montly appointments pre-op at the Hospital where I had my surgery.. Why hadn't anyone ever told me about this? Or why didn't any of my past doctors reccomend it?

The endocrinologist i'm seeing now, well, thefirst appointment i ever had with her she sent the referral for weight loss surgery.. we never really discussed it. Although a dietitian there gave me a 'carb counters' book.. which honestly really helped meout.. i beleive its calorieking.com you can get one.

But yeah. So pre-op i was on a high protein-lowcarb diet.. like i am now, post op. And I can honestly tellyou, i feel so much better. I have so much more energy.. Its insane. 

I've come to realize how wrong the food pyarmid is for so many people.. Sure, if you have a ridiculously high metabolism you can handle 6-12 servings of grains/carbs a day.. but the average person? no. absolutely not. especially not someone with insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes..

So I figured I could modify the diet i'm on now.. if i had neverhad surgery? just be on a similar diet.. and i'd still see weight loss.. I had a 30 pound weight loss pre-surgery.. because i changed to this diet (and I was on a lot of medications that got changed.. that helped too.)

So here is what I was doing before I considered surgery:
**Not eating enough, causing my body to go into 'Starvation Mode'.
**Not enough protein, when I did eat.
**Not many vitamins.
**I was exersizing, however, because I was in 'Starvation Mode' it did absolutely nothing. I actually gained weight.
**Not enough fluids.

What I followed most of my life:
**45 carbs and sugars for a meal..
**15 for a snack..
**eat a vegetable and fruit with every meal, and no more than 2 snacks a day..
**only 2 'sweet treats' a week.. meaning a scoop of icecream or 2 or 3 cookies one night.. 
**1 hour of aerobics 5 days a week, aside from all the sports i already played.

Now?
**60+ grams of protein a day..
**64+oz of water/sf  liquids..
**I try to keep my carbs under 50 a day.
**Protein first. Eat all protein, then vegetables, then carbs last.
**I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago at the gym.. for awhile i was just wakling 10-20 minutes each day.. then i got my gym membership and sprained my ankle.. but i plan to go to the gym 40 minutes 3-4 days a week.. and walk 10-20 minutes the other days.

So.. I figure.. Why wouldn't a modified version of what I'm doing now, work for someone else who just has more of astomach than I do?

If your looking for anew diet to try.. maybe try something along the lines ofwhat i'm doing? Hers an idea of what I'm talking about"
**60-80+ grams of protein a day.
**64+ Sugar Free Fluids. (Water, SF Jello, SF popsicles, Crystal Light, Flavored Water, Diet Soda, etc..)
**4-5 small meals a day, rather than 3 big ones.. maybe keep carbs under 40 at each meal..? give or take alittle.
**It's okay to have something sweet once in awhile, a few times a week.. Just make sure you eat protein with it.. If you're going tohave a donut, or a cookie, or a piece of candy.. Have milk, or yogurt, or apiece of string cheese with it.. The sugar will hook onto the protein, and your blood sugar will not rise as much as it would without the protein.. Make sense?

So an ideal dinner: Maybe.. 6oz grilled chicken, a small side salad, and maybe half a cup of rice or pasta or something, and a glass of skim milk or water..  Eat chicken first, then salad, then if your not full, have some of the rice or whatever carb you choose to have with it.. or fruit even, before the carbs.

I did this for a few months before Surgery.. and I lost weight. Given, the higher dose of Metformin, starting Aldactone, and synthroid probably had something to do with it.. (Side Note: I'm off the aldactone andon half of the metformin i used to be on, now...) I think it helped. especially eating more frequetly rather than less.. My body didn't feel the need to cling onto every ounce of me, because i wasn't eating enough.. because i was eating more frequently..

I hope this makes sense.. I'm writing this out pretty quick.

I'll probably expand on this further, later on.This is just a quick post.. It came to mind when i was eating chipotle earlier today.. Haha. (:

Have a great day/night. (:

<3Ashley.

www.facebook.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com
www.formspring.me/justashley1637
(:

Started a facebook page..

I'm uploading a ton of pictures to it, and posting more there, aswell. So check it out? (:

Thanks.
<3Ashley

www.facebook.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

One year later..

This time last year, i didn't even know that surgery was an option for me. I had no clue what I was going to get myself into about a month after I took these pictures..

Every christmas eve we go to my grandparents on my dads side.. we have my entire life. i took pictures last year... and pictures this year.. in the sameroom.. same day.. same person.. different outfit, a different year, and70 pounds lighter.

I havent lost as much as doctors think ishould have by now.. I'm not quitesure why that is.. I'm doing everything they're telling me. But. even though you can't see much of the weight loss in these pictures, because of a few different reasons, itsjust weird for me.. to think about how much has happened this past year.. So much, that atthistime last year, i wouldnt even begin to imagine!

Now, saying that, people may think irushed into it.. Maybe I did. But. Wouldn't you? If you found out you had a chance to totally turn your lifearound.. wouldn't you jump at it?

anywho.. I hope everyone had a happy hollidays, whatever you celebrate. and if you made somemistakes, let loose a little (i know i ate a fewthings i shouldn't have..) just get back on the wagon after new years.. the sametime that everyone else hasthe 'new years resolution' to lose 20 lbs or go tothe gym every day.. I'm gonig to do the same. except i know i have an upper hand.. (:

Hve a great day. <3(:

-ashley.
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

heres the pictures, by the way.:

Parents thoughts on WLS for their kids...

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4483229/Just-out-of-curiosity-parents-of-teenagers/

^^^
Check that out. I made thread on the main forum on obesityhelp.com, to see parents thoughts on WLS for their kids.. I'm glad to see most of them would be supportive, or at least open minded, if it was necessary.. If all other options were failed, and there was a medical reason for it to be necessary.

It worries me though.. A lot of them say they wuold wait till their child was 18.. I don't understand why anyone would wait the extra few years.. Thats just more damage being done to their bodies.. irreversable damage.. Why wait?

feel free to continue the discussion on here, or email me, twitter, anything. This is an interesting topic of discussion..

Have a great day. (:

-Ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
<3

On a side note: This time EVERY year i get sick, or hurt myself. Last year i went to the ER on newyears eve because i couldn't breathe, and found out I had pretty bad Pneumonia. The year before that? Stress fracture in my foot, and Pink eye a few days before christmas. The year before that? Head cold and sprained wrist. When I was 7? Stitches on my left index finger so it made it hard to open presents.. This year? Sprained ankle and Head cold.. Honestly. The last two weeks of December everyyy single year, are misrable for me. I took this picture to show my friend, she didn't believe I was stuck on crutches.. Well.. I am. Or i was. I'm able to walk on it now. er. limp... lol. but. One good thing came out ofthis: I saw the weight loss.. I havent seen it untill now..Everyone has noticed itbut me. I never saw it, till i saw this picture. I hate that I'm pretty much losing everywhere but my stomach... But... I can see it in my legs, my arms, my chest, my face..just nost my stomach/sides.. Hopefully they'll catch up. (:

Shopping, Clothes, Style..-- Almost halfway there?! :D

I always felt the need to dress better than most people,or look cooler, or have a cooler haircut, to distract from my weight. Now I just throw on a long sleeve Tshirt and shorts or jeans, and i'm set.I lovethis.

Oh! Which reminds me. I would ALWAYS gethot... this time last year, at my highest weight ever(around280something) I would wear tshirts and not wear a coatin the winter, because I just gothot. I think it had something to dowith my blood pressure.

(Note: Sorry if a lot of words arestuck together.. My spacebar isn't working very well,today.)

But now I got outa coat that Ihavent worn since iwas 11.. and not only does itfit, but i actually wear it. I get cold. Small victory? Yes.

I went to take my GED today (super easy, by the way...) and iwas in a room of like fourty other people.. of all ages. For once, Iwasn't thebiggest person in the room.. I looked around and saw majority of the class was obese... and most of them were biggerthan me! Imean,ifeel bad for them.. But.. That'savictory for me, too.

I have absolutely no clothes that fit me. I went to walmart a weekortwoago (somewhere icould NEVERshop at, till now.) and got a fewthings.. so i have like.. two shirts and my coatthat fit...  I'm honestly going to start wearing my brothers clothes untill after theholidays when i have money to buy some. If anyone wants any clothes anywherefrom 1x-4x that don'tfitme, email me... i'll mail them to you.. No joke. I can't waittoget rid of most of them. Goodwill, to a friend orfamily, or you, or whoever. I"m going tokeep one shirt and one pairofjeansthough... just so i can always look back and say "Whoa... I can't beleive Iusedto weigh this much!" haha.

Something elseInoticed: I used to always layer a ton.. my shirts hadto be long.. most of my weight was/is in my stomach area.. soialways wore dark long shirts to slim down iguess.. I've noticed, i'm wearing alot ofstripes and plaid and weird designs and stuff now.. i still like darkerclothes.. Grey especially.. I don'tknowwhy. I just do. But the patterns andstuffare cool. I wuold never wearthem before!

Life is good. I posted on obesityhelp the other day... I raelized I"m halfway to my own personal goal of 130lbs.. My endocrine's goal is 180.. my surgeon never specified.. but anyways, i started out at 285-ish... I'm 214 now.. so i get down to 207.5lbs,andi'll be exactly halfway there! formine,anyway. I'm way past half for my endocrines goal (who i seein a weekor so.)(:

A lotofpeople think its a long shot..thati'll betoothin at 130lbs.. I don't know.so maybei'll change it later on. But for 5'2-1/2" about 140 isconsidered a'normal' bmi.. which ismy real goal.. ijustwant to pass 140 a littlebit. but like i said, that may change.

So yeah. that's my post for today.

Have a good day! Have a good night aswell. Sleep with Angels.. Dream about llamas jumping over fences.. (Travis Clark reference.. don'tknow whoheis? google the band We The Kings. <3:D haha.)

Live. Laugh. Learn.
-Ashley<3
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Oh..and i'vebeen kind of twitter obsessed lately.. Soif you wanna follow me there, it's..:
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
<3

well..

Just thought I'd let everyone know the concert was amazing... me and my friend met everyone from we the kings, her opening band.. and demis older sister; Dallas Lovato. <3 Honestly one of the best concerts I have ever been to. :")

Hope everyone has a good day. i'll get back to normal posting, soon. <3

-Ashley.
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

That's me and Danny, the drummer from We The Kings. I cut my friend outof the picture because I don't know if she would want it online or not. But yeah. <3 Standing outside in windy chicago, in pouring rain, was most definatley worth meeting them. Haha. :)

Demi Lovato -- Anti Bullying -- My issues with bullying..

Just a short post...

I get to see Demi Lovato in concert, at the Rosemont Theatre near Chicago, IL this Saturday (December 3rd, 2011). I'm really excited, I'm going with my friend Tara whom I haven't seen since August of last year.. I've seen Demi once before, with The Veronicas and The Jonas Brothers, when I was thirteen.. But this time it's all Demi. <3

She's one of my rolemodels, honestly. It takes a lot for me to say that, I don't have many. And those that I do, aren't famous. I was never into many Disney stars.. I remember back when I saw her on a show As the Bell Rings or something.. I heard her singing..

I've been raised in a really musical family, and it caught my eye.. she caught my eye.. then sure enough, she was in camp rock.. (with the Jonas Brothers.. whom I was a fan of, at the time.. don't tell me you've enver liked them at one point or another, you'd be lieing. adults included.) and it was great.. I saw her on the Burning Up tour with them..(and the veronicas, who are epic. I love them.) Around that time pictures were released of her with marks on her wrists.. The publicists covered it up saying it was recently removed bracelets but I think almost everyone knew otherwise.. She opened up about bullying.. Did numerous anti-bullying campaigns.

Anyone who knows me, knows I left school in 7th grade to be homeschooled, the second half of the year, because I was being bullied.. It was really getting bad.. There were a few other reasons I felt like i should stay home.. Family issues.. I needed to take care of my brothers, a few others.. And my grandma was dieing at the time. But.. Bullying.. has been a big part of most of my life. to this day I'm STILL paranoid of what people are saying abuot me.. How i look, how i dress, if my hair looks okay.. More than i assume most pople would... A therapist once called it 'hypersensitivity.'... alogn the lines of Anxiety..

To this day I regret leaving school.. I wish I had stuck it out, I really do. I'm getting a GED in 8 days, and starting community college at 16 years old. It was my idea, my decision to do all of it.. But I would be a 16 year old Freshman... I should be a Junior, now.. What happened was, i had to retake 7th grade... My birthday being in august.. well... it cuold've been either way. I was started early, apparently. I was always the youngest. So re-taking at another school wasn't so bad, to me.. But then come freshman year, i woudl have had t oretake again.. To no fault of my own, I passed everything.. But my transcripts were lost.. I was fed up and decided to get a GED. ANYWAYS..... back to my point.

I'm not sure if it's a fact or not, but i feel like overweight girls (and guys.. but typically guys arent as caddy as girls, are..) are targeted mroe than any other.. minority? That's notthe right word.. But it'll have to do for now. I knwo how segregation was always an issue, and peoples sexual orientations.. But i think people ahve come to terms with how stuipd segregation is (most people, anyway..) and not everyone comes out if they're gay, or transgendered, etc.. You can't hide if your obese. You can try.. Black baggy clothes, keeping to yourself, being quiet, or running away like I did... homeschooling.. But that wont make it go away.. It wont make people stop..

When I was in middle school, no one did anything anti-bullying wise.. No one. My life was already hell at home, and school should have been an escape.. but it wasn't.. instead it was worse than being at home..

Well.. This brings me back to Demi..  She left in 7th grade t obe homeschooled, aswell.. (and ironically finished highschool at 16 years old, too.. I'm getting a GED but... you get my point.) Struggled with personal issues from a very young age.. eating disorder.. self harm.. and who knows what else.. Bullying brings out the worst in people.. from both sides.

I don't know her. So i can't know for sure. But whatever pushed her over the edge, wether it be fights with friends, issues with family or publicisty, an ex boyfriend... she decided to get herlself help and go to a treatment center.. And she got help. And now she's back,b etter than ever..

Shes being open about what issues she had.. what she had to work through... What all started it... Bullying.

I was NEVER insecure about my weight.. even though I have been excluded from things and made fun of as long as i can remember... untill second grade when one comment really stuck with me.. that smoe random girl made... about 'losing baby fat..'.. i knew i didnt' have baby fat.. no one knew i was battling insulin resistance at the time.. and i went home and lost it that day..  Words really do hurt people... so does stupidity.. i'll leave it at that.

I hear peole saying Demi is a bad rolemodel, because she had cut herself.. or starved herself.. or this or that or whatever. That is absolutely no excuse.. If you want your kids to look up to someone? It should be her.. She isshowing people it does NOT matter what people say about you.. You are who you want to be.. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and make yourself happy, keep yourself healthy, in order to help yourself and the people you love. That life sucks sometimes.. But nothign comes easy.. if you reallly want to get better, you will. It may be a never ending battle with bulimia, or accepting the fact that that one guy you think you love doesn't know you exist, that your ex wife really wants nothing to do with you.. that your brother really is dead, or your best friend reallly has turned on you and got new friends.. but whatever it is, you can overcome it..

"Love is louder, than the pressure to be perfect." is a campaign she's working with now.. along with blogging through seventeen magazine... all trying to reach out to girls (and guys).. to empower them..  Let them know that they're not alone... No one is alone.. you may feel like you arent, but there are.. Unless there is some new disease out that no one has ever heard of and your the only person in the world who has ever had it.. you are not alone. There is someone else out there that has been there.. and it's your choice if you make it or not.. make the best of life. you only get one.

Bullying was a huge part in me digging myself in a hole, that it took years to get myself out of... I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through the same thing.. Ever.. I got a tattoo that says "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." (a modified Plato quote.) on the inside of my left wrist.. I really believe in that quote, and i chose the inside of my wrist so i'll always see it.. and remember even if i'm dealing with a lot and not in a good mood, everyone is dealing with something.. id on't want to make one stupid comment and push someone over the edge.. because thats what people did to me... i was already fighting.. the stupid comments alone wouldnt ahve hurt me.. but they're what broke me.. put me over the edge..

I've done posts about self esteem before.. But I don't know.. I was talking to my friend about Demi, and I just felt the need to let this out.  She is the kind of friend I wish I could have. Her music is pretty amazing too.. just saying.. I suggest listening to "Skyscraper" "Believe in me" "Unbroken" "Fix A Heart" "Together"  "For The Love Of A Daughter" "Lightweight" "Trainwreck" and/or "Mistake" and tell me everything i've saida bout her here, isn't true.

Bottom line of this whole post.. Demi is amazing.. and This surgery has given me my lief back..  I started feeing not as depressed.. more happy.. when i found out i could have this surgery.. when i knew it was possible for a teenager to have weight loss surgery.. I felt the slightest bit of hope.. and that hope has payed off.. the surgery payed off.. i'm still obese... but.. my bmi is under 40 for the first time in two years.. little goals, right? I'm really genuinley happy... like i said before.. you only have one life.. so why not live it?

 Alright. I realize, i said at the beginning this would be a short post.. I was wrong. I ramble. a lot. Okay. Now i'm done. (:

It's 2am on December 2nd... 7pm on December 3rd, and i'll be seeing her... 16th row, floor... Can't wait. (:

have a great day everyone. (: if you have any questons or anything, feel free to email me.. ask to add me to facebook if you want to see more pictures of the whole surgery process, testing, progress, or the demi concert (; i'll have them posted. i'll add you if you ask, through email.

Alright. bye (:

-ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

and.... The holidays have begun.

Used to love the holidays.. Being insulin resistance since i was 5 years old made it rough, though.. food wise. I've always been overweight/obese.. But I've always dieted too... It was so strict.. As alittle kid, i remember once i stole the syrup from the cabinet and ran tothe bathroom and drank maple syrup... because i was craving sugar.. It was bad. the holidays and the food surrounding me, amplified it. (thankfully over the past 5 or 6 years that craving has been lost.. Anything sugary makes me sick, now.)

So.. Thanksgiving.. I cooked a lot.. You know, the usual.. Dressing, Green bean casarole (my favorite.. I'd be happy with just that.), mashed potatoes, gravy, pies, rolls, and of course the turkey... my lunch was off the little snack table we had set up.. which was basically a handfull of shrimp and a little cocktail sauce, and a few crackers with cheese spread.. I have been having more diet soda lately.. Diet pepsi, mostly. I dilute it with water, or let it sit in ice for awhile before i drink it.. same thing.. kinda. yeah. So I had some diet pepsi too.. I Know i'm not supposed t odrink with meals, but its hard... thats the toughest thing about this whole process for me.

Then dinner... I had some turkey... a couple bites of mashed potatoes, literally one bite of dressing, and the rest green bean casarole... I love that stuff.. I only get it once a year.. its safe to say i ate a little more than i should, and i definatley felt it later... Given I didn't hardly eat a foruth of what everone else did.. i'm the only person with a stomach the size of a banana. 'nuff said.

Then later on i had half of a piece ofpie that i made.. I know.. i shouldn't have... it sucks that i baked so much and couldnt hardly eat any of it... But everyone else seemed to like it. they're saying i should go to culinary school. the thought has definatley crossed my mind...

I'm not a big fan of holidays anymore ingeneral... since i was 12 i kinda grew out of the 'excited' phase and moved onto the more typical teenager 'fuck the world. back off don't wanna deal with my family i'll go hide in my room' phase... which is exactly what i've been doing. I don't liek family get togethers. they annoy me.. Answering questions about my family gets nervewracking... I just go along with it all for my little brothers.

People have been on me to get out of the house mroe. I don't have many friends. I lost a lot of them when i switched schools a lot, a few years back.. A lot ofother factors played into it, but that's the just of it.  But My uncle was playing with a band that i  grew up with.. like. i grew up with a few of the guys in it.. I've followed their music.. they're really good. I have their cd's.. but i never really talk to any of them. Everyone from elementry/middle school has gone their seperate ways, as exptected. But yeah. Them, and a band that is local around here.. everyone knows... Well. they were playing a show together. Authors & Audio (the band i grew up with... www.authorsandaudo.com <-- check them out..) and Shrug ( http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/group.php?gid=67739380522 -- http://shrug.bandcamp.com/)... it was a epic show. I talked to some people i knew.. adult wise.. but i never talked to anyone my age. oh well. next time.. maybe? who knows. but it was good to get out of the house.. Listen to some good music.. i still have the x's on the back of my hands, and the wrist band on... because it was at a bar, and i'm a minor. hey! at least they let me in..

so yeah. that was my thanksgiving break.. although, I'm testing for my ged on december tenth.. i'm not really in school right now.. so.. not really a break. but.. yeah. you get my point.


Alright.. Just thought I'd fill everyone in.. That was my first major holiday since surgery... Aside from the bit of pie i had, i think i did alright... 

feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns or anything. i'd be happy to hear from you. (:

have a good day and happy holidays.
-Ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Aight.. Pre/Post op tips.. and pictures.

Pre-Op.

The pre-op diet i was on, was i was allowed one under 400 calorie meal a day. 3 protein shakes. and 80ish oz. of sugar free fluids. that being said, on days i actually went by that.. i would have a lean cuisine or something for my meal, which was usually a dinner. but most of the time.. i split it up. i'd have a yogurt in the morning, string cheese later on, and some crackers and cream cheese later on. etc.. but kept it all under 400 calories. I reccomend that.. that was a lot easier for me than only having that one small meal later on. and i think it helped me for eating smaller portions more frequently, for after surgery.

Post-Op.

Just do what you can.. Honestly. Liquids first.. Behing dehydrated isn't fun. I know i was for about a week or so but never did anything about it. I didn't get more than like 20oz in a day for a week. It was miserable. Then worry about getting your protein in. Sip. sip. sip.a nd i know it doesnt seem like it, but walking saves you. It helps the gas move, helps ease the pain.. you would think the oposite right? no. don't think the oposite. I was up walking 2 hours after i woke up in my room. to get into a chair, while in the hospital.. this is how my hospital stay went, walking wise.

Surgery around 7:45am. woke up in recovery around noon. then went to my room not long after, then by 2pm i got up to get in a chair.. sit up straight. then i went back to bed. then around 7:30pm i got up and walked down the hall and back. the next day i got up at 10am and walked.. then sat in the stupid wheelchair for two hours because radiology was slow, and i didnt want to get back into bed. i fell asleep in the wheel chair. went down for the upper gi.. which honestly isnt that bad. (just use the morphine.. i beg you. USE. THE FREAKING. MORPHINE. i denyed myself morphine.. i wanted to see how bad it was... dont test it.. just trust them when they say use it.. if you don't trust them, trust me. At this point in time, morphine will become your best friend.) Don't use the straw.. they'll offer it to you. but you shouldnt. and then got back up and went to the room and passed out.. later on i walked again.. was allowed to have water.. (finally!) then had the catheter removed and all that jazz. (thank. freaking. god. the catheter and the drain were annoying..) then walked some more.. and the next day i was drinking lemonade crystal light, had some orange jello, and got the okay to leave. i had already walked that morning. had the drain removed. and i wakled all the way from the room in the A building i think.. to the gift shop, where i got my lovely tshirt, and then to the parking garage.. My mom tried to get me to use the wheel chair, but iw ouldnt. it felt so good to walk.

Bottom line: WALK. I don't care if it hurts a little or you think it will hurt more.. Okay yes i care. but I can almost 100% guarantee you, unless something went wrong in surgery, the pain will be fixed. take yoru pain meds the way the doctors tell you to, don't overdo it.. but walk. it will help. so much. Even if i eat too much now, walking helps the food-coma feeling pass quicker.

Alright. Next for the postops: You won't want to sleep flat on your back.. I don't have a bed. I sleep on the couch. I have for years. I have a couch in my room,b ut i usually sleep in the living room. long story. but yeah. i slept sitting up on the couch the first week,t hen eased down to my back/side. i used a body pillow when i layed on my side. and within a month i was on my stomach again. i sleep on my stomach. i can't stay asleep while on my back.. (partially what made my sleep study one of the worst nights of sleep i've ever had in my life.)

Aight. scars. don't pick the glue.. just don't. let it be. it takes awhile. it took a few weeks to come off.. on one of the incisions, i picked some of the glue off.. i got too close to the incision and it was painful, so i stopped. and it eventually came of on its own. the pictures i've posted of my incisions don't do them justice. they're seriously just light pink. you can barely see them. i was surprized. When i was researching i saw scar pictures and was kinda horrified. but I wanted the surgery so i was going to deal with it. I already have a ton of stretch marks, so whats it matter, right? well. they're all fading. thankfully. haha.

those are the main things.. I'm gonna post a few pictures now.. A picture of me now. My lovely tattoo i never got to post a picture of (: my scars now, anddd yeah i think thats it. here we go. (:

http://i40.tinypic.com/icmhz4.jpg
--Gotta love nerd glasses. (:
http://i44.tinypic.com/314qb9c.jpg
--I started b12 shots. I forgot to mention that. Once a month. This is the massive needle.. If you decide to go that route.. It's not as bad as it looks. I have no problem with needles. at all. I would rather have a blood test than a urine test for drugs or pregnancy or something. But that honestly freaked me out.. It was thick. And long. But it's not that bad. I barely felt it.
http://i42.tinypic.com/sqtpw2.jpg
--Halloween. If you know me, you now I have a mexican obsession. Mexicans, Spanish, Mexican food, anything mexican. I love it. So i wore a sombrero, while handing out candy. Haha.
http://i40.tinypic.com/sem9ue.jpg
--If you know me (again), you know i have an unhealthy obsession with wearing makeup.. I havent as much lately. Havent felt the need to. And I'm smiling more, I've noticed.n you used to have to act like a complete idiot to get me to laugh to get a pictuer of me smiling.. And whoa! look at that! ashley smiled on her own! wooh.
http://i39.tinypic.com/20577s7.jpg
--Full Body. Pretty much everything has slimmed down except my stomach.. Those pants are literally falling off of me in that picture. they're supposed to be skinny jeans.. Haha.
http://i43.tinypic.com/1z4yico.jpg
--Paper i got today at the doctors office.. Shows my weight since the first time they met me. But they don't have my highest weight on record, which was back in november 2010.. it was liek 278 i believe. Haha.
http://i39.tinypic.com/6zq714.jpg
--scars. yeah. you can only see two. the one ont he left was from the drain. the one on the right is the biggest one i have. you can't see the other three. theres one in my bellybutton, one on my sternum, and one further on my left side.a ll of them are smaller than that one on the right though. and the computer screen was by me, so it makes my skin look pink... my skin is white. i am one of the whitest people you will ever meet (or see pictures of...) whitey mc white. I'm ghostly pale. Not sure why the computer screen does that, but oh well.
http://i40.tinypic.com/ejsikp.jpg
--Lastly, my tattoo. (: I got it one month after surgery. I was supposed to get it on my 16th birthday, but that was 3 days after surgery.. not gonna go get a tattoo while i still have blood thinners in my system. Haha. "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." is the original quote. i took out the 'you meet' part to make it a little shorter so it wouldnt be so big, and it'd be more even.  its a plato quote. haha. but i really believe it. thats hwo i try to live my life. 

So yeah. That's that. Hope you have a good day, and feel free to email me if you have any questions or wanna add me on facebook to see more pictures. (:

-Ashley.
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

PS. if you like demi lovato.. talk to me. i have two tickets to her show in chicago. i need more friends that like her.. that would be able to go with me. haha. She'a amazing.<3 okay. done now. bye(:

Update!!

Just realized I havent posted on here in awhile. My mom brought it up at my doctors appointment today, so it reminded me I should update.

I'm almost three months out now. I just had my 3month post-op appointment.

First of all, i wanna say that my flickr account is being shut off. er. well. i can't post any more pictures to it. i'm about at my 200 limit, unless I wanna start paying. So I'll keep posting pictures, but it'll be on my personal facebook. You can still see the ones on my flickr account, but i wont be able to post more. So email me at ashleyellen1637@aol.com if you want to add me on facebook. I'm not just going to post my last name on here. Who knows who's reading it.

Okay, Next. I'm averaging about one pound a week lost, in the past 6 weeks.. Not ideal. I havent been exersizing much because I had to have skin removed on the inside of my thigh, and it still really hurts. But its starting to ease up, and i'm getting a gym membership. So hopefully that'll start helping more. But i've lost 24lbs since surgery on august 19th. and about 54lbs since the beginning of this year, before I started my pre-op visits.

Basically what I"m doing: 4-5 small meals a day. aiming for about 60 grams of protein. I'm getting inbetween 60-70oz of fluids (not including what I get from food.) I haven't had any food intolerances, other than scrambled egg was kind of hard on me early out.. But i think that was partially because It was one of the first solid foods i had and I wasnt used to the feeling so it felt really heavy. I can eat about a cup of food at a time now. Sometimes I'll sip skim milk even though i'm not really supposed to, with mymeals, just to keep the food moist. The biggest challenge with this whole thing was not drinking with my meals.

I'm down a couple pants sizes. Shirts I havent noticed much difference. I've noticed in my face, and my neck.. like.. I think the bone is called the clavicle. yeah, i don't think i've seen it since I was really little.. like.. 6 years old maybe.  and now i do. the hump that was on the back of my neck too, inbetween my shoulder blades, is pretty much gone. I honestly feel great. I could care less that my stomach is still big, those little things are like.. amazing, to me. Oh, and a ring that i have is too big.. thats pretty great too.

Pretty much what I live off of now, is..:

*Wheat/whole grain crackers.
*Yoplait Light yogurt.
*Grilled Chicken.
*String Cheese.
*Bari-Wise protein bars.
*Propel Zero.
*Crystal Light.
*Eggs.
*Provologne cheese.
*Progresso Light Chicken Noodle Soup.
*Fresh Carrots and Broccoli.

I was never a big sweets person befoer surgery, I'm still not. yes. I caved and had two pieces of candy on halloween. shoot me. No, i'm kidding. don't shoot me. haha. but seriously.. It didnt kill me. I had a glass of milk with it.. it was night time. I know i shouldnt have. but you know what amzed me? a fwe years ago.. two pices of candy, would make my blood sugar to shoot up into the 400's.. It didnt phase me this time.. My blood sugar immediatley after, and i took it a couple times that night, just to see for myself... It was normal.. the whoel time. That was like, the greatest feeling in the world. I know I shouldnt ahve.. but its just how i am. i have to test my limits.. i have to see for myself, or i wont believe people... If that makes sense. Yes. I didn't feel amazing afterwards. I felt like i had food coma, afterwards. I feel like that alot, no matter what i eat. so i keep eating less. and when i eat a little less, and i don't push my limits, i feel better. Its a learning game. Even three months out, i'm still learning. and things can still change..

That was a huge challenge for me.. the sweets. Protein shakes protein bars, yogurts, sugar free pudding.. Its all sweet. And it discusted me. before/after surgery.. Immediatley post-op, i pretty much lived off the broth from chicken noodle soup (the cans of just plain broth were TERRIBLE.), and cottage cheese.. I had string cheese like a week earlier than i was supposed to, because i was SO sick of the protein shakes and what not.. For a lot of people, thats not the case though. if you like sweet things, and you're considering this surgery, your in for a treat. it may not be the best, but its still sweet stuff. Haha.

I consider myself lucky.. My mom caught insulin resistance early on for me.. So i never really.. liked regular soda, or whole milk, or white bread, very much.. its the little things like that that i've noticed are hard for some people. Diet pepsi i pretty much lived off of.. and i had to give it up for surgery. I have a little bit every day now.. I dilute it. 5oz water and 5oz of diet pepsi.. let it sit for a bit in the fridge and drink it. I seriously was addicted.. i used to have 6-7 cans a day. so cutting that completely out was hard. im glad to have it back now.  even diluted, i don't mind.

This is pretty much just a really random post.. I felt the need to fill people in. I know some peopel from obesity help read this, and a few other people. So this is how i'm doing, what i'm doing, and what i know i need to change. I'm going to update again probably in an hour or so with an info-post of some of my favorite things pre/post op that heped get me through the pre-op diet and post op guide.

I know I wrote down the link today at my doctors appointment, so if anyone sees this from Cincinnati childrens.. Feel free to add me on facebook. If you or anyone else have any questions, feelf ree to message me on facebook, or email me. I posted the email up at the top of this post.

I hope you all have a good day. (:

-Ashley.

Update!! 6 weeks post-op.

and I'm feeling great. (: I had an appointment today.. Everyone said i was doing good. I'm glad. I'm averaging a loss of about 3 pounds a week.. I've already lost 15% of my excess body weight.. I was paranoid cause i havent been seeing my scale move but its clearly my scale, its playing tricks on me. because the scale at doctors offices show that i've lost weight.

I feel a lot better about things now. Incisions are pretty much completely healed now. just a little pink. i can lay on my stomach again, completely. i'm getting all my fluids and protein in. exersize is still slightly an aissue but just because i'm sick of walking.. I'm getting a gym membership soon and theres a pool.. i love swimming. so that should help plenty. i tend to do better when i have a ocmmitment for motivation. I hate letting people down. it would be a waste of money on my grandparents who are paying for it, if i don't use it.

I got a tattoo last week (: Its on my wrist.. I can't get a picture right now. But it says 'Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." and i like it a lot (: i've wanted it for awhile. it was a belated 16th birthday present, even though I had to pay for it.. lol.

i can eat almost anything now... another 2 weeks till i can have red meat and bread, but other than that.. i'm set. i had my first salad today, in almost 2 months. that is my favorite food ever. i've missed it. <3 haha.

I'm exhausted. I only had one hour of sleep last night for a long list of reasons. and i just got back from the hospital, and the hour long drive just gets to me. so I'm gonna go sleep. But i'll update again soon. <3

Thanks to bariatric frendly by the way, for blogging about teen weight loss surgery, and mentioning me in your blog. That means a lot. (: I can't find a follow button on your page to follow your blog, but i support you all completely. thanks again. <3

if you have any questions or anything, feel free to email me
ashleyellen1637@aol.com (:

have a good day!

-Ashley

Picturess. Scars and me now (:

In my last post i gave a link to my flickr account (which i can't post to anymore cause i'm over the limit.. to keep posting, i'd have to pay. which i dont  wanna do. haha. But if you want, comment me and ask me to add you on facebook.. I post a bunch of pictures there.. I'll add you and you can see them if you want.)

But here are what the incisions look like about a month out.. the lighting makes them look worse than they really are.. and strech marks make it look worse..

http://i51.tinypic.com/2holqpd.jpg

http://i55.tinypic.com/2v193f4.jpg

http://i55.tinypic.com/xfteew.jpg

And heres me now (: hospital Tshirt that i mentioned in one of the past couple posts.. and my lovely short shorts<3 haha. they're flannel and so comfy. i love them. i got them the day before my surgery and left the hospital in them. (:

http://i56.tinypic.com/nlc1ty.jpg

they're already starting to get big on me.. i have to tie them and roll them up.. even though i havent lost much weight.. i've lost inches. which counts for somthing, right? Haha.

alright.  done here.

have a good day. (:

-ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com <-- email me if you have any questions (:

First Month.

Here are pictures from the hospital stay, that I forgot to add in my last post: http://www.flickr.com/photos/justashley1637/sets/72157627499967438/

Anyways, the first month...

First thing i did the second i got home was took a shower.. I felt nasty. then i layed down, had some chicken broth and some propel zero, and fell asleep.. woke up a few hours later to a surprize, my best friend came over.. Well.. She had been my best friend since i was 5. i hadn't seen her in a year or two.. I guess her mom found out i was having surgery and then she found out through her mom and yeah.. She came over and was asking about it and we agreed to hang out sometime. Hasnt happened yet.. But it will. I've missed her.

I was supposed to start school on tuesday that week.. I just got home sunday. That wasnt gonna happen. I guess someone never contadcted the school and told them I had surgery.. I just didnt show up the first week. they called on friday and were threatening to call truancy officers on me and stuff (I've had a history of skipping school in the past.. I don't blame them.) but they didnt believe i had surgery. It's not liek i couldnt get a doctors note if i wanted to. But i wasnt even planning on going back to that school, anyway.. so whats it matter.

We went to the board office on monday and got me enrolled in GED classes, which i was supposed to start last week, but i was sick. So I'm starting them this monday.. ironically, the 19th.. exacty one month since surgery(:. Haha. I've been going through the book.. the stuff is pretty easy. I don't think i'll have a problem.

First week i was allowed sf pudding and popsicles, greek yogurt, jello, broth, protein shakes, and like crystal light or propel or other flavored waters.. after a week or so they let me have some tuna salad and chicken salad.. and its kinda progressed from there.

I have a plan written out, but they go by typically how the patient is feeling or how well they are tollerating things.. so far? the only thing i havent tolerated alright was scrambeled egg.. But i was perfectly okay with a fried egg.. So. Not quite sure why that is, but i've been doing great that way..

I probably havent gotten in as much fluids as i'm supposed to.. I'm supposed to get 80-90 a day. and Even though I have absolutely no problem drinking, i'm still finding it hard.. even though i got that easily before surgery. I dont know why. for a week when i was really sick, i was most definatley dehydrated.. barely getting 20 or 30 oz a day, if that.. I'm surprized i didnt have to go to the hospital and get IV fluids... I probably should have.. i dont think my mom told any of the doctors though..

I'm doing better now though. getting around 64+.. still not up to 80-90 but.. i'm getting there.

my endocrin put me back on metformin.. heres the deal with that: I clearly have metabolic issues.. i had the sleeve.. i dont think that fixes the metabolic portion there.. I really didnt think that part through. I wish i would have. I'm not too sure how i'm feeling right now about having the sleeve, isntead of RNY or DS.. My weight loss is very minimal..

On surgery day i was 250.. I gained 6 pounds water weight in the hospital, and then by the time i left i was back down to 250.. first 4 or 5 days i got down to 238.. since then i've only lost 3 pounds, so i'm down to 235. which is great! So much better off than when i was 278 at the start of this journey.. But still.. one of my doctors said i should be lost 2-5 pounds a week. uhm... Its not working out that way.

my endocrin did some blood work a bout a week ago.. most of my levels have improved. thyroid and other hormogn levels. but she put me on half the dose of metformin was on before surgery. so i'm taking 500 twice a day now, along with my aldactone (50mg 2x day) and Synthroid (20mcg 1x day) to controll hormogne levels, thyroid, sugar, bloodpressure, all that jazz. the aldactone is a diuretic. basically a water pill, as well.. they were worried about me retaining water i guess. or my mom was. so i'm still on that. i clearly need it.

along with my multi vitamin, calcium citrate, d vitamins, and the b1&b12 which i've had some problems with.. its near impossible for me to get those down.. the smell and the taset just.. ugh. i definatley have missed those a bunch.. not necesarily on purpous either. i'm usually really good with meds. but keeping trac of when i can and cant take the vitamins is a hassle. i'm still trying to work on aschedule of when to take them, cause some cant be takenw ith otehrs or need to be taken at certain times of the day.. and mys leep pattern is always off. so i cant sy 'take this at 8am every morning' cause well.. frankly... i never know when i'll be awake that early other than maybe on mondays and wednsdays when i ahve class.. but even then.. id ont know. soemtimes i'm nocturnal, other times i'm on a normal schedule, other times i go days without sleeping, other times i sleep too much.. dont ask why. id ont know. it just depends on what i have going on.

Eating wise, right now i'm allowed.. a lot more than most people at one month post op.. i just looked at my paper that said stage 4 or 5.. i forget which one i'm on. but i'm allowed everything i was the past few weeks (cottage cheese, yogurt, sf pudding, jello, popsicles, tuna and chicken salad, etc..) and now i'm allowed skinless chicken (grilled baked or broiled.. no frying or anything like that), fish, any soy crumbles/products.. beans, turkey, soft fruits and cokoed/steamed veggies.. like canned fruits. no skin. i have t obe able to mash a fork through it.. uhm. whole grain pasta and crackers and toast.. no regular bread yet, whichi 'm fine with.. no more than half a cup to a cup of food. i'm usually around 6oz.. 4 times a day. the rest of the time i'm drinking.

I'm honestly not sure if i was supposed to start this already or not, but my dietition said to be thinking about protein bars.. well i got somein the mail the other day and i tried one.. 15 gramd of protein and less than 20 carbs i beieve for some protein bar from dietdirect.com... well its amazing. i'm in love. its like a twix bar. carmel crunch or somthing? i forget the name of it. but it's really good. ive had a few of those over the past week.

I dont seem to tolerate protein shakes well.. carnation ones anyway. pureprotein seems to go over okay. and i have a few other ones sitting around i need to try.  i got some fruit drink mix from dietdirect aswell, and those are sf and have protein in them. they're like juice drinks. andthey mix really well. lemonade is probably my favorite so far, and i've had those in place of protein shakes.

I'm getting in my 60+grams of protein fine. i try to log it.. i'm terrible with keeping up at i though. i have a day here, a day there, 2 days there, missed a week there, etc... I'm trying though.

I'm getting a membership to the ymca here. and hopefully gonna start going to the rec center to swim more. i love swimming. its a great work out.. even just walking in water is better than walking on dry land.. it uses more muscle and burns more calories.. takes more effort.

So i'm gonna start that up. aside from going swimming labor day weekend.. this is pretty much what i've been up to. just walking. ive played some soccer with my little brothers outside a few times.. i love soccer<3 definatley gonna try and get back into that when i lose some more weight and can run. mroe. i miss it.

Uhm... yeah. I think thats about it. Oh, and i'm getting signed up for drivers ed soon ;D Watch out people! haha kiddng. I've been driving with my parents since february/march. i got my temps back then. just never signed up for classes. i turned 16 a few days after my surgery. so i just need t oget the classes over with and i'll be set. ive already driven on the highway, around neighborhoods, parking lots, the mall, the longest ive driven at a time was i think amlost half an hour? i drove likeh alf way home from cincinnati hospital once before my surgery xD haha. That was fun.

But yeah. Life is good. (: I'll try to update this more. I like blogging. its just hard for me to find the time to sit down and write out what i wanna say, how i wanna say it, etc.. But im gonna try harder at that as well(:

Have a good day! feel free to email me if you have any questions.

~Ashley<3
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Hospital Stay.

I forgot the log in for my account so I couldn't get on to update. Sorry about that. anyway. heres the blog about my hospital stay(:

Second day/night was definatley the worst. Lots of what i assume was gas pain. I had hiccups all day. and on and off the next day too. Walking really helped.

The upper GI was the worst part... I was really weak, still had a catheter and lots of IV's.. They took me down in a wheelchair and i was tired. They kept making me get up and down out of the chair cause they thought the people were ready, but they werent. so i got to sit back down. I probably would have fell i was so weak, if they didn't let me... The barium stuff and some other thing i had to drink werent that bad..

The first one I stood up in front of the exray thing and they took a bunch of pictures. i was so weak. i could only take a few sips and it kinda hurt to swallow a little bit.. but they let me sit down afterwards.. i was getting lightheaded.. then they tried to do the second one but couldnt get a clear pictures, so the genius people there had me lay down. flat. on like a metal slab table to take pictures...

Uhm.. I just had surgery on my stomach.. i ahve been sitting up at an angle int he hospital bed and in chairs ever since.. layign down flat on my back.. uhm.. OW. I toughed through it... The nurse said afterwards she was really sorry there wasnt anything she could do.. It sucked. It realy did. I was in so much pain.. even with the morphine..

Then i basically got up on my own.. rolling around with my arms and trying to prop myself up.. I couldnt really use my stomach muscles. they were all.. cut through.. and weak.. and hurt.. By that time i was crying. my blood prsesure was probably through the roof, too.

i got back in the wheelchair and had to wait 10 minutes for someone else to come help wheel me up with the iv pole and stuff.. i finally got back t omy bed and laid down.. the nurse left and my dad was there and i was wondering what the fuck i did to myself and why they had me do that.. it was terrible. Worst experience of my life..

I ended up falling asleep.. waking up a few hours later and they let me have one oz of water an hour.. for a few hours which was okay. it felt amazing to drink cold water. Lol. I felt better by then.. more morhphine kicked in and yeah.. they removed the catheter. i was kinda worried about that.. it wasnt pelasent.. but it was quick.. felt weird, burned  little.. but it was quick and got over with fine. then the surgeon came and saw me that night and some other doctors and nurses and what not.. i was doing well.

the next day i had drank about a liter.. of water, crystal light, and some orange jello.. and they said i could go home if i felt up to it, which i did.. by then iw as going insane. i hadnt showered since the night before surgery, which i'm pretty obsessive about.. they unhooked wires and what not. took the stupid comrpession boots off (finally! those were annoying.). iv out, and i got up and washed my face and brushed my hair and brushed my teeth and put my hair up.. then i took some pictures of the room so i can remember.. texted my friend saying i finally got to go home. i had been texting him the whole time iw as in the hospital..

He knew i was having surgery, but didnt know what it was for.. he knew all about the pre-op diet i was on and was like 'how the hell do you do that?!' cause he eats like a pig.. more like 8 pigs... Haha. but i was fed up the second night, when i was in a lot of pain. and i texted him im just like 'i never told you what the surgery was for.. did i?' and hes like 'no id ont think so what is it?' and i explained to him. just cause i needed someone to talk to.. i thought hed be freaked out or think i was stupid.b ut he was really supportive. and he has been ever since.

i went down after they discharged me. they gave me the option to use a wheelchair but i wanted to walk... i needed to walk. we took one with us just in case i wanted to sit down, but we ended up just using it to carry my purse (that had a heavy binder in it and my laptop.. big purse_ and my moms.. which always has a ton of crap in it that makes it weigh 20 pounds. i stopped by the gift shop. i bought a tshirt so i can wear it.. that hospital changed my life.just a navy blue cincinnati childrens hospital tshirt. also, i got it at my size the day i left the hospital.. so hopefully in a few months it will be big on me and its just a way i can track my progress.

It is a little loser on me now(: i'm actually wearing it right now as i'm typing this, haha.

But yeah. did that then walekd to the parking garage.. i was still sipping on a lemonade crystal light. i dozed off in the car on the way home. finally got home.. and thats that(:

Next post will be about the first month.. it will be exactly a month in two days, so i figure its close enough.. and i'm really in the mood for typing/writing. haha. so i'll post that soon.

(:

Hope you're having a good day. and if you ahve any questions or anything, feel free to email me.. or message me on obesity help.

ashleyellen1637@aol.com

peace.<3
-ashley.

Surgery Day.

had my surgery on friday august 19th.. its now the 26th. ive kinda been bad at posting lately.. ive been really busy with preop stuff and then surgery.. and cause of the pain medicine they sent me home on i've been kinda out of it.. but i'm off that now, and all is right with the world (: or.. with me, anyway. haha. Uhm yeah. soo. heres how it went down.

Friday morning. got up, left about 4:20am, got there about 5:30am.. right on time. they gave me a bracelet and checked me in and i went back to a little room thing.. they went over  everything and checked medicines and vitals, i met with an anesthesiologist or two.. actually i think 3.. not sure. and the surgeon popped in, a research person, a couple nurses, etc.. then they tried to get me to pee in a cup. right. because ive had nothing to drink since 9pm the night before, and wasnt allowed to drink anything.. i went before we left for the hour and a 1/2 carride.. and they expected me to be able to? funny. yeah it was for a rpegnancy test. they ended up drawing blood instead, which i'm perfectly okay with.. i told them straight up they could go ahead and do it cause i couldnt pee. but nooo they made me try like 4 times. waste of time. anywayssss moving on. surgery was scheduled at 7:45. by like 6:30 they had me change into a gown and stuff. i was on the gurney thing. they put the TED stockings on.. well. they had my mom do it.. shes a nurse and the nurse that was there had to go get another nurse to start my IV. dont ask why they kept changing nurses. i have no clue. anyways, yeah. that took liek 10 minutes. those things are soooo tight and hard to get on. i was crying from laughing so hard at my moms faces she made.. haha. but once those were on, they started the iv. then they put the compression boots on me and had me lay back. the surgeon came in, answered a questoin my mom had, made sure i was still 100% positive i wanted to do this.. and i was.. then he left. and another half hour of emeting with people later, they rolled me back..

my mom walked back to the or. a different nurse was rolling me back this time. i was in the hallway by the OR for about 10 minutes and they kept trying to make sure everyone was on their way or already in there or whatever. let me tell you somthing. they didnt use laughing gas on me. which i didnt mind. im glad they didnt. if they did, i wouldnt remember as much as i do.. like what the OR looked like and stuff, cause they start it back in the room.. and cause ia lready had an iv, and i have no problem with needles, they didnt use it. so i was still 100% there, mentally. and physically.. obviously.  it was FREEZING. like. had to be 50 degrees. it was insane. i was shaking. my mom was crying and what not and blaming herself for letting me get so overweight and said she never wanted this for me blahblbhalbhalhfdsakjfadk;sjf bottom line is, its my own fault. It really is. I knew what i had to do to maintain my weight when i was younger. i chose not to do it, hoping id be lucky and itd go away.. yeah.. obviously not the case.  so i took the initiative and looked into this.. and i'm so glad i did.

They eventually rolled me into the OR.. which was just as cold as the hallway, if not colder.. they rolled me up next to the operating table and had me schooch over onto it. i did. it was hard cause they had the iv in my hand. it didnt hurt. it was just.. uncomfortable to move, i guess. but i did. they had me move up cause i'm short.. and to get my head onto this foam-liek thing that supported it. it was purple o.o the operating table was liek.. blueishgreen. its not ana ctual table.. its like a gurney but no wheels.. lol. but yeah. got on there. layed down. people were talking around me and hope, one of the research people with the anethesia department talked t ome.. she had a spongebob hat on xD haha. shes telling the people how insane i am cause i didnt mind the needles and they didnt have to use laughing gas on me and i laughed. i looked over and saw they already attached the medicine to my iv.. it hadnt gotten in me yet. they didnt tell me they did it. i just saw the white stuff going through the tube.. and they told me to count to ten right when i saw the white stuff go in my arm.. i got to ten. i guess they wanted me to count out loud? htey relike are you to ten yet and im like yeah.t hey told me to keep counting. i felt reallllyyyyy sleepy. and i hit 23. and thats all i remember, till i woke up in the recovery room, later on that day..

I woke up too out of it to care what was going on. i remmeber my mom there and some of the nurses talking. iw as covered with like 8 blankets and had ivs going into me, and my pca was hooked up. the morphine button. and i think something else.. im not sure. aparently i was dehydrated when i went into surgery and didnt know it? so the surgery took twice as long as they said it would o.o i was kinda surprized with that.. they said itd take one and a half hours to two hours.. it took 3.. lol. but yeah.. i was in and out of being asleep that day.. i remember them rolling me up to my room. . . . and rehooking everything and i fell asleep.. and woke up at liek 2pm and felt some pain in my chest.. i pressed the pca button. (i had just gotten to the room around noon.. two hours after i got up in recovery.) and i told them i wanted to get up.. just sit in the chair.. one of the nurses helped me up and i got in the chair.. it was a weird feeling.. but it definatley eased the pain.. i hit the pca again. i was allowed to hit it once every 7 minutes i believe was how it was set.. it was kinda cold when it went into me. the morphine that is. and i was knocked out.. woke up on and off but at like 8:30 at night ig ot up and took my first walk.. they let me hold onto the iv thing. i dont think i would have beens table enough just with someone holding my arm.. and i did aight i think.. lol. then i went back and sat in the chair for a bit and texted a couple of my friends, even though i was completely out of it..t hey told me since then it didnt seem like me, lol. but i could only text with one hand cause the stupid machine would beep,e very time i moved my arm.. itd woudl say 'obstruction downstreem' or somthing like that and woudlnt stop till someone would hit the stupid run button twice. after about the 10th time i just started donig it myself.. i probably wasnt supposed to, but i was tired of listenign to it for 10 minutes waiting for a nurse to come in.. lol

uhm yeah. then i went to sleep not long after.. fun. right? okay. i'll make another post for the rest of my hospital stay, and since ive been home.. since ive been slacking in posting lately.. lol. yup. kaybye<3(:

Sleep Study.

Some people dont understand what this is, or what its for.. So I thought I would do a post about this.

I had a sleep study towards the end of July.. Don't stress too much over it. theres not much to it!

First of all, a sleep study is done for a lot of pepole, not just wls patients.. Its to check for obstructive sleep apnea, restless leg syndrom, parasomnia, insomnia, a few other things like that.

For your sleep study..

If you take any night time medicine, be sure to bring it. and if your nocturnal like i am, try to make sure you stay on a normal pattern.. or.. as normal as you can get, a few days before.. they need at least 6 hours of solid sleep to get their results. I ended up asking for a melatonin (3mg) to help me drift to sleep.. i cant without it, on most cases.

Basically you go in, they check your blood pressure and other vitals and stuff.. you talkwith and meet with a few people.. they check your records, etc.. they'll take your medicine bottles and lock them up, so they can give them to you later. im pretty sure thats just for liability reasons. Then one or two pepole will come in and start to hook you up to wires.

They do not hurt! Trust me. they're just like stickers. If you've ever had an ekg, its sorta like that.. I had two on each of my arms, two on each of my legs. a few on my stomach and chest.. a microphone taped to my neck.. its tiny. then they put two bands around me. one over my chest and noe over my stomach, with little wires attached to them to monitor how you move whenyou breathe.

Some of these are stickers, others are glued on..

Then they started putting them on my head. there were about 10 on there. they have you take your hair down if its long and in a ponytail and they put it on.

Before they put the glue on they scrub with like a qtip and this lemon-y smelling scrub. it just helps so the glue sticks better. then they use like a mini blowdryer to help dry the glue and wire to the glue.

when they're done with all the wires tehres about 30 total i believe.. then they put a cannula under your nose.. it looks like a little elephant nose. its sort of like an oxygen thing like youd see someone getting, in the hospital.. but it doesnt pump oxygen into you. it doesnt go down your throat. just rests at the bottom of your nose and upper lip. to catch how much air you breathe in and how much you breathe out. its kinda annoying.. but you get used to it. oh, and they put one of those little clamps on your finger. it doesnt hurt. it has a little red light. its to check your oxygen level.

You really cant move much after you're hooked up.. i mean.. i guess you could but thenw ires would come undone. I was afraid to aly on my side, so it wask inda uncofortable.. cause i usually lay on my stomach to sleep.. and i was on my back. oh well.

by 10:30 they said lights out and when they say it.. they mean it. i was texting a lot earlier and i had my phone in the bed with me, just cause i'm paranoid about my mom taking it and looking thorugh it.. i always sleep with my phone. but they made me put it up and on a table that i couldnt reach, to make sure. tv off, nothing. so i layed there.. i woke up every couple hours. it really was uncomfortable, im not gonna lie. but it was bearable. i drifted back to sleep shortly after.

They woke me up by turning on the bright lights in the morning and started removing wires. gave me my medicine back, etc.. i felt nasty. the glue and stickers left residue on me and it was just, ew. they offered t olet me shower there but.. i dont liek showering in hospitals soi  said no thanks and they discharged me and told me i talked in mys leep.... interesting. haha.

uhm. yeah. thats really about it. then me and my mom went and got breakfast and went home.

They gave me this special lotion stuff to help remove the leftover glue from my hair.. it works really well. but smells REALLY strong. its insane. make sure when you rub it on your head before you get int he shower, the doors open. cause you wont be able to breathe very well.. if you have the same stuff i did. ifk not.. then just use nail polish remover. that probably works just as well.

So yeah. thats about it. its really not much to it. no needles nothing painful, unless they accidnetally pull a hair when they remove a sticker or anything.. but its not bad at all.

Dont stress about it. (: It'll be fine.

Heres some pictures i took when i had mine. Ive been meaning to post them here for awhile, but never got around to it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/justashley1637/sets/72157627032581387/

Well there you go. (:

Hope you're all having a great day, or, night.. depending on where you are. lol. (:

Peace<3.

truth.

<3 by passinglane on Polyvore.com

I saw this on polyvore the other day and made a set with it.. I thought i'd post it here. this applys for everyone. wls or not. I showed this to my friend and we're both trying our best to do this. <3 i may have to skip out on the fruit part.. My pre-op diet starts sunday. But the rest of it.. most definatley. <3(:

Approved! Got my surgery scheduled! :D:D:D

I'm extremely happy right now. I turn 16 on August 22nd. (2 days after my idols, birthday. :D random sidenote.. anyways..) And guess what? My surgery got approved today. literally 2 days after they recieved it. wooh! :D So yeah. My surgery is going to be on August 19th, 2011. :D:D<3333 Haha. I was asleep on the couch (i'm slightly nocturnal.. it was like noon.) and my mom shook me awake and was like crying and is like 'ashley they approved you! your surgery is in about two weeks!' i was like 'whaaa?' cause i was still half asleep.. she told me like 12 times before i finally understood what she was saying. i was speachless. like '... are you serious?' xD  SHE WAS! fjdkals;fjasd;l This is going to be amazing. <3 Is it bad i'm not nervous at all? I guess i'm so used to hospitals and stuff.. the fact that i'm going to have a major surgery.. doesnt really scare me. I'm too excited about it. I trust the doctors. I really do. I feel really great about all of this. i have to go in on the 17th, and 18th for pre-op stuff.. and some research stuff.. I forgot that i agreed to collect urine or whatever, to send in for research... its like a 48 hour urine collection. that i gotta mail in.. before then. So i gotta get that done sometime in the next week. to check for kindey stones before/after wls? i dont know, i didnt really understand it.. just agreed to it. it seemed simple enough. Haha.

However.. I'm kinda nervous at the moment. A family reuinion for my moms side of the family is tomorrow.. I start my liquid diet on sunday, so i dnot have to worry about that.. But.. My mom has a huge mouth. when she found out shes like 'GO POST IT ON FACEBOOK!' and im like, uhm... no. I'm excited.. but not that exited. I'm not ready to deal with peoples shit about it. But yaknow, she tells everyone she knows.. And it takes forever to explain. and people just dont understand. and its just stressfull. I havent met half of these family members before. and my moms gonna go 'OH YEAH SHES HAVING WEIGHT LOSS SURGYER IN 2 WEEKS!' and let alone its not lapband or rny.. god forbid it be somthing slightly less common. The sleeve. Bleh.

I'm happy i've come so far in this process and i'm about there, but its still hard... dealing with peoples crap. yaknow? But i gotta get over it.

I'm hesitant to tell this guy I kinda like.. we've been talking a lot lately and hes been really open with me about stuff.. I've told him im having surgery.. But i havent said what. he hasnt asked.. so... its not that big of a deal... right? no. i know its bad. i should tell him. buttttttt im scared. aha. let me be. i'll figure it out. i'll have to tell him eventually. 'oh. you've lost 30 pounds... in 2 months? how the hell...?' ... 'uhm.... yeah i forgot to tell you.. i had wls..?' '... oh. damn.' yeah... dreading that. but oh well. I'll figure it out.

I have an album on facebook entitled 'my journey' that has pictures ive taken all over the place, that i'll eventually post on here.. from doctors appointments and different testing ive had done and just really explaining what i'm going through.. a pictures worth a thousand words, right? -- so... anyone whos ees that album can kinda figure it out.. i never say im specificialy having weight loss surgery.. it says 'wls' though. anyone who cares can figure that out or ask me. lol.

So i need to go to the grocery soon and get protein shakes.. i dont have any at the moment. and some more lean cuisines to have. its a modified liquid diet. i'm allowed one meal under 400 calories every day, up until the day or two before surgery. then i believe its just clear liquids.. and nothing after midnight before surgery. I gotta be at the hospital at 5am... and its an hour away.. i wont be sleeping that night. haha.

so.. yeah. <3 Thats that for now. I'm really excited. :) I know i can do this. <3

:D

<3

update.

Ahh. I havent been on here in awhile. So.. well. i was diagnosed with type2 diabetes, and hypothyroidism. awesome. <-- insert sarcasm there. -- anywho. so my metformin was upped to 1000 twice a day, and im' now on synthroid.. among all my other numerous medications. i feel like my grandma. she died at 60 somthing from obesity issues.. liver/kidney stuff, type2 diabetes, cardiomyopothy, etc etc etc... she had about as many meds as i have to take now. i swore t omyself id never let myself get this far.. but i gues i did. at least i'm on the right track to get healthier now. <3

i just had my 3rd appointment with the wls team at the hospital.. it went good. i have lost or maintained weight every time ive seen them, since the beginning.. (I thank the new higher medications.. but everyone says some of the other changes ive made have helped.. so.. yeah. haha). it went good. the nurse practitioner sent off the final letter to insurance on friday.. i have medicaid, they're the ones that agreed to cover it in the first place. but then now they have to send off like a final confirmation letter. so i hope they approve it<3 they said once they get the approval my surgery could be in 3 weeks.

OH. and i found out i have sleep apnea. i got the results from my sleep study. no one thought i had it. my moms a nurse and shes like 'you dont have sleep apnea you don't snore you sleep fine' but... i do? i love being right with her.. especially about medical stuff.. haha. i thought i had it.. and i did. not that its a good thing.. but yeah. at least i knwo i have it now.

andddddd i mentioned ot the nurse at my last visit that my ucnle has bloodclots.. glad i did. she ran some more bloodwork and she found somthing.. i forget the name of it.. but some gene taht puts you at high risk for bloodclots. she said it shouldnt mess up my surgery at all, they'd just have to take extra precautions..

Met a few people in the same program that i'm in.. teenagers that have already had, or are going to have, wls. the ones that have already had it look great! seeing them doing so well makes me even more exited for the surgery..

aparently the insurance i ahve has a bond with the hospital/wls program im in.. a lot of kids in the program have the same kinda medicaid i do, and the nurse said they usually respond fast.. I turn 16 at the end of august.. if they respond as fast as they say they do, and its approved.. my surgery could be around my birthday.. i certainly would never forget my 16th birthday then, would i? haha.

well yeah. i hope insurance responds soon. this waiting is killing me.. even though its only been a couple days. haha. <3 kay. i'll try to update a bit more often. ive been pretty busy lately with volunteeering and just enjoying my summer. <3 haha. but yeah. (: thats that.

peacee<3

conversations

Today my friend instant messaged me. I had told her I was having weight loss surgery, a couple months ago. She didnt seem very supportive at first, because her mom had the RNY and things didnt go all that well.. Physically I believe her moms fine, but her mom just changed after surgery so shes not fond of it. now she seems supportive, but This kinda surprized me. No one has really asked me anything about it. People have told me their opinions and that they think its wrong. But she genuinley seemed to be curious. I didnt mind talking about it at all.. I mean, I have this blog right? Haha. Its just no one really has seemed to understand it, in real life. Shes taken an interest. I'm glad I feel liek I can talk to her about it now. Its not so awkward. (:



My Friend: I have a question o.o

ashleyellen1637: yeah?
 My Friend: I don't wanna sound weird or a dick anything with it in some way; but I kind of curious. Hah

 ashleyellen1637: alright o.o about what?
My friend: Your surgury Aha

ashleyellen1637: Lol alright, whats the question?
My Friend: Haha; you know after you lose all the weight how there will still be the extra skin left o.o

 ashleyellen1637: yup
My Friend: Are you going to have surgury to get rid of it or no?

ashleyellen1637: It depends how bad it is.. For younger people theres still a chance it'll go back. your skins elasticity or whatever isnt completely gone, like when you're older. But at the place i'm having the surgery, they offer free plastic surgery 18months after surgery if needed. So if i need it, then yeah I probably will.
My Friend:

Ohh, alright. Aha. I didn't want to sound like a dick in a way somehow asking it. I think it's great that you're having it done<3 But I know my moms self concious cause she didn't get the skin removed but I never saw how it looks if you get it removed. I'm curious. Aha

ashleyellen1637: Haha no you're not, it's fine. Ive met a few kids that already had the surgery in the same program i'm in and some of them didnt need plastic surgery and they look great. So idk if i'll need it or not. But yeah, haha.
My Friend:

Aha ohh, I got it. I wish I could do that:|

 ashleyellen1637: Haha yeah.. Do you really think you could need it? i mean, idk, but your mom had it.. if you think you could need it you should ask her about it.
My Friend: I mean, I just wish. Running sucks ass.

ashleyellen1637: Haha yeah it does.. ;l
 ashleyellen1637: I didnt mind it before. but now that im 100+lbs overweight, its hard.
 My Friend:

Can I ask how much you weigh? If it doesn't bother you. I feel like a dick asking

ashleyellen1637: Lmao you're not a dick. and i'm ehh around 250ish now.. Before I started pre-op stuff i was almost 280, like, back in january.
 My Friend:

Ohh, what kind of preop stuff?

 ashleyellen1637: Diet changes. High protein, low carb, no soda, nothing with much sugar. 5 small meals a day instead of 3 bigger ones. a few weeks from now i start pretty much all protein shakes except for one under 400 caloire meal a day. its really strict.. but it works. lol.
 ashleyellen1637: they do it so your livers not enlarged during surgery soi ts easier for the surgeon to get around.
 My Friend:

Aha damn. I'm not good with watching for low carbs and low calorie stuff. I mean, I feel smaller and better about myself; but I've only dropped like 3lbs

 ashleyellen1637: Every little bit counts.. when i see one or 2 pounds down i feel ecstatic. haha-- Cause i'm insulin resistance ive had to watch carbs and sugar and calories and fat since i was like... 3. Now its just a lot more strict ;l lmao. its second nature to me. i dont eat anything without looking at nutrition shit ;o it slike ocd ;l lmao
My Friend: I mean, I

My Friend:

I mean, I'm like 195ish. I'm gaining weight but losing inches 0_o

ashleyellen1637: Haha that's happened to me before. the weight just re-distributed itself to like my chest or my legs then my waiste got smaller. -- i cannot understand how that happens to save my life. but it does. lmao
My Friend: But my legs are smaller, my tummy is smaller and my boobs are the same sizeee

 My Friend: ;o

ashleyellen1637: your face, arms, ankles, neck, shoulders, all of those can accumulate it too. idk. if it didnt re-distribute, your magic. ;o
 ashleyellen1637: xD
 My Friend:

I'm thinner everywhere 0_o I mean I'm not gaining weight since I've started running again and shit. But since begining of freshman year, I've gained weight but got smaller.

 My Friend:

I went from needing a size 18 dress and it was tight, to now I tried on a 16 today and it was loose

 ashleyellen1637: Ohhhh well that makes more sense now. lol. well yeah if youve lost of course your gonna be smaller. and thats awesome (:
 My Friend: Aha; I feel better and smaller but ughhh -.-

 ashleyellen1637: haha theres more you can do besides running if you hate it that much. I always hated runnign unless i was playing soccer. lol
 My Friend:

I hate running but it's a good stress reliever too and I feel healthier when I do

ashleyellen1637: Any form of exersize makes you feel better cause it releases 'happy chemicals' in your head. haha. and yeah, it is. I wish i could run |: strictly because i miss playing soccer. I had to quit soccer when i was 13 cause i physically couldnt play anymore. it sucked ;l
 My friend:

Aha I've played soccor, softball, basketball, football, and I was a cheerleader and I swam. I've done it all but now I'm too fat to playy

 ashleyellen1637: Ugh I know what you mean. Soccer, Softball, Volleyball, basketball, football, swimming, tennis, dance, skateboarding.. I havent ridden a bike in 3 years. I honestly think if i tried to get on one id fall on my ass cause i dont remember how to ride one. lmao. i'm scared to exersize, honestly.. do you know what cardiomyopothy is?
 My Friend: Oh, I did volleyball, and tennis too but not for long. And I took dance most of my life. I'm going to start again. And you won't fall riding a bike Ash, you can't forget. Haha

 My Friend: And, I dont know

My Friend: Hey, I gotta go. Text me if you want<3

My Friend: Byebye

^^^
I ended up texting her and talking to her more about it all. and explaining cardiomyopothy and how part of my heart is enlarged already and how it scares me to exersize because of it.. My blood pressure issues and stuff like that.

It honestly felt good tot alk to it not to my mom or one of my moms friends that her big mouth blabs everything to. If you dn't, i suggest finding someone you can talk to aabout it.. Someone that may understand or has a better chance of it. i consider myself lucky i at least have her. (: aha.

i'll post more blogs later <3 i've been really sick this past week so i havent been on the computer much. I'll update more for sure (:

have a good day <3

-Ashley.