Tips for dealing with the side effects of metabolic syndrome

or any one in particular.. in the last post there are pictures of the skin issues,hair issues, etc... here are some tips..

obviously first of all, get to a doctor. they will beable to help you more than anyone.

but as far as this post goes.. this is how i deal with it all:

Medications and vitamins... these arent all mine. this isthe corner ofmy kitchen.. some aremy brothers and dads.. but most are mine. even if you don't have baraitric surgery, vitamins may still be a good idea. talk to your doctor. (:

these are all of my skincare and hair products (minus my razor.. forgot to add that in the picture.. haha.) Right now i'm using a lot of clean and clear products.. but i use everything.. neutrogena, clearsil, clean and clear, drugstore brands (like cvs) etc.. and yes. that is an egg. and yes that is lemon juice in there.. and in the blue cup is sugar. and the clear tiny cup next to it is baking soda.. egg facials help with pulling out oil and naturally moisturizing your skin.. lemon juice and sugar help clearout your skin and your pores.. baking soda paste helps dry out cysts, so does white toothpaste.

there is also differin there... its perscription. ith elps dry out my skin..i need toget a perscription that helps more specifically with acne.. if you cuoldn't tell in the last posts' pictures.. my skin isn't very clear right now... it was for the longest time.. but my meds got changed around.. and i'm not on Aldactone anymore... which is what i'm pretty sure was helping that. so i need to talk to my doctors, haha. but yeah..

oil free lotion, acne wash, exfoliating wash, clearing body wash (the acne isn't always just on your face. i have it on my shoulders sometimes.) tweezers, sally hansen hairremover, hydrogen peroxide, biore pore strips.... its alot. it really is. /: i don't do it all every day, obviously.. otherwise i'd be spending hundreds ofdollars on this stuff.haha. the only things i use every day are the acne wash body wash and differin..

We just ran out. i just got a new bottle today, but it's a ph balancing 2in 1 shampoo/conditioner.. some people with thyroid issues can have really dry brittle hair.. but mine is really oily.. i literally cannot go more than 24 hours without washing it.. i'm sitting here right now, 12 hours since i took a shower.. andmy hair is already bugging me,.. but it used to be a lot worse before i tried this shampoo.

When i was 13 i had taken some makeup and hair classes... like..cosmetology classes.. you have no idea how glad i am that i did. i have a lotof makeup and hair products.. i do other peoples makeup and hair sometimes, along with my own... my flat iron, curling iron, aveda and aussie hair products, and whatever cheap makeup i can find at a drugstore realllllyyy kinda save me.. you can see in my last post,my skin is pretty terrible.. patchy.. some oily some dry, acne, hirsutism... well.. this is what i look like after i pack on some makeup.. :P

you can still see some of the acne.. but it's not as red.. i'm really pale. so my blood pressure raises the slightest bit, and my face gets really red.. but the makeup helps hide it.. this is just for my skin.. nothing extra. normaly when i go out i look like this:

But that's just me. haha. anyways. back to tips. one more.

I don't have a picture for it, but layering.. clothing wise. because so much weight with a lot of these conditions, is central obesity.. i've found its slimming to have longer shirts, and verticle lines.. not actual lines though.like.. an open hoodie or open cardigan, over a tanktop, and skinny jeans (at least with me.. my legs arent huge... most my weight is in my stomach.. the only pants i own besides sweats, are skinny jeans :P haha) not crazy patterns, solids are better.. If you ever run into me,i'll most likely be wearing skinny jeans converse a tanktop and a cardigan or a hoodie.. (: lol.

so yeah.. just a few things.

45 minutes till new years.. :P hope everyone is having a great day!!

-ashley.

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www.twitter.com/justashley1637

ashleyellen1637@aol.com



Metabolic Syndrome Signs and Symptoms.

Here is a page with all of the technical terms: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metabolic_syndrome

There are a lot of things that can.... be involved, in metabolic syndrome. Insulin Resistance, impaired glucose tolerance, type 2 diabetes, PCOS, hypothyroidism, hypertension, other messed up hormogne levels,.. Theres a lot that can be involved.. They're all listed on that page.. and if you google 'Metabolic Syndrome' or any of its other names, more information will come up.

I was born with Insulin Resistance, but later on developed PCOS, hypothyroidism, hypertension, and Type 2 diabetes..

PCOS - Polycystic ovarian syndrome. Irregular menstrual cycles, possbly cysts on your ovaries, messed up hormogne levels... All men and women have male and female hormognes... men just have less estrogen than testosterone,woman have less testosterone than estrogen, etc..there are a fewother hormognes involved.. It wasn't testosterone, but.. androgens? it started with an A.. i think that's it... but its another male hormogne,and mine was high..

Hypothyroidism - an under-active thyroid gland.. meaning not enough hormognes areproduced and you can gain weight, have hair loss, low metabolism, not much energy..

Hypertension - high blood pressure.

Insulin Resistance & Type 2 Diabetes - self explanatory... if you don't know what either are... i'll do a post on that later... or just look it up online.

A lot of the symptoms for all of these, are similar.. which is partially why if you have more than 2 or 3 it can be combined into just 'metabolic syndrome'.. I was actually tested for cushings syndrome.. which also has similar symptoms.. I ended up not having it, but that's how they found my higher androgen levels. But my doctor called it 'Pseudo-Cushings' because again, it has all the symptoms... here are symptoms at are associated with a lot of those:

Self explanatory..  the oily or really dry skin and acne from messed up hormogne levels.

Acanthosis*** Nigricans is a really long name for something i can't spell or pronounce without google.. it basically means darker leather-y-feeling skin.. It used to be a lot worse. it has lightened up sincei've startedlosing weight. Some people have iton their chest and under their arms, too.. I have itunder my arms, aswell.

Hirsutism is another word i always forget how to spell.. but it basically means on females, hair where there normally isn't very much.. or male hair patterns.. thanks to elevated male hormogne levels. Tip: if you have this.. don't shave. seriously. don't. it will come back darker and rougher and you won't be able to go a day without stubble coming back.. i use nair or sally hansen cream hair remover, or bleach.. i purpously didn't for a week or so so icould take these pictures.

Central obesity.. meaning.. most of your weight is in your stomach/sides/hips/chest, rather than evenly distributed thorughout your arms and legs.. all of these pictures are me after i had surgery.. but you can still tell.. i don't have many pictures of me at my highest weight, where you can REALLY see it.. but some people are really thin, or even, or apear shapewhere most of your weight is in your hips/thighs.. but not with metabolic sydrome, or most ofthe things assosciated with it.. think of an apple shape.

lots of reddish purple stretchmarks around your abdomen/thighs/chest.. i got my first stretchmarks on my thighs around the time i was 9.. now you can't even see them, 7 years later.. haha. a lot of the oneson my back, sides, and stomach are fading.. they used to be a lot bright.. these all have came over the past 2 years.. i never used to have any on my stomach.. /: i miss those days.. lol.

and the last one that i actually have pictures of...

Everyone loses 100 hairs a day, according to the person who cuts my hair... well.. i lose way more than that. /: i have for the past 2 years.. there is a ton ofre-growth that sticks up and comes in.. all the hair that is pulled down there in the front in the picture, is regrowth.. the rest of my hair is all really long.. itspatchy. and extremely annoying. alot of times weight loss causes it.. but i'm fairly sure its my hormogne levels.. it's been going on for years..  i guess the stress on my body from surgery could be adding to it. but thankfully it's not as bad as it used to be.. if it was.. i think i'd be bald :x lol.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
so yeah.. that's that. along with low energy levels, irregular menstrual cycles for girls, uhm... obviously the messed up blood sugars, high blood pressure (or low blood pressure.. i've heard of that with some people.)

I'm sure theres numerous others.. but these are all of the ones i've had, or i've seen with people I know.

If you have 2 or more of these, i'd suggest going toa doctor.. just to be sure.

Have a nice day. (:

-Ashley.
www.facebook.com/justashley1637
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ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Oh, and... HAPPY NEW YEARS!!! (:  its 10:20pm here in ohio right now.. but close enough, right? (:

Dietary Guidelines for people with Insulin Resistance or Type 2 Diabetes.

My entire life I battled with Insulin Resistance.. In June 2011 I found out it had progressed to Type 2 Diabetes, and in August I had the VSG (Verticle Sleeve Gastrectomy) and since then it hasn't been too much of a struggle to control my blood sugars, as it was before.

But For fifteen years of my life.. Controlling my blood sugars, my weight, my blood pressure,all that... Was a daily part of my life.

I guess I thought I had tried every diet possible.. But I missed one big one.. High Protein. I realized this after I started going to my montly appointments pre-op at the Hospital where I had my surgery.. Why hadn't anyone ever told me about this? Or why didn't any of my past doctors reccomend it?

The endocrinologist i'm seeing now, well, thefirst appointment i ever had with her she sent the referral for weight loss surgery.. we never really discussed it. Although a dietitian there gave me a 'carb counters' book.. which honestly really helped meout.. i beleive its calorieking.com you can get one.

But yeah. So pre-op i was on a high protein-lowcarb diet.. like i am now, post op. And I can honestly tellyou, i feel so much better. I have so much more energy.. Its insane. 

I've come to realize how wrong the food pyarmid is for so many people.. Sure, if you have a ridiculously high metabolism you can handle 6-12 servings of grains/carbs a day.. but the average person? no. absolutely not. especially not someone with insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes..

So I figured I could modify the diet i'm on now.. if i had neverhad surgery? just be on a similar diet.. and i'd still see weight loss.. I had a 30 pound weight loss pre-surgery.. because i changed to this diet (and I was on a lot of medications that got changed.. that helped too.)

So here is what I was doing before I considered surgery:
**Not eating enough, causing my body to go into 'Starvation Mode'.
**Not enough protein, when I did eat.
**Not many vitamins.
**I was exersizing, however, because I was in 'Starvation Mode' it did absolutely nothing. I actually gained weight.
**Not enough fluids.

What I followed most of my life:
**45 carbs and sugars for a meal..
**15 for a snack..
**eat a vegetable and fruit with every meal, and no more than 2 snacks a day..
**only 2 'sweet treats' a week.. meaning a scoop of icecream or 2 or 3 cookies one night.. 
**1 hour of aerobics 5 days a week, aside from all the sports i already played.

Now?
**60+ grams of protein a day..
**64+oz of water/sf  liquids..
**I try to keep my carbs under 50 a day.
**Protein first. Eat all protein, then vegetables, then carbs last.
**I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago at the gym.. for awhile i was just wakling 10-20 minutes each day.. then i got my gym membership and sprained my ankle.. but i plan to go to the gym 40 minutes 3-4 days a week.. and walk 10-20 minutes the other days.

So.. I figure.. Why wouldn't a modified version of what I'm doing now, work for someone else who just has more of astomach than I do?

If your looking for anew diet to try.. maybe try something along the lines ofwhat i'm doing? Hers an idea of what I'm talking about"
**60-80+ grams of protein a day.
**64+ Sugar Free Fluids. (Water, SF Jello, SF popsicles, Crystal Light, Flavored Water, Diet Soda, etc..)
**4-5 small meals a day, rather than 3 big ones.. maybe keep carbs under 40 at each meal..? give or take alittle.
**It's okay to have something sweet once in awhile, a few times a week.. Just make sure you eat protein with it.. If you're going tohave a donut, or a cookie, or a piece of candy.. Have milk, or yogurt, or apiece of string cheese with it.. The sugar will hook onto the protein, and your blood sugar will not rise as much as it would without the protein.. Make sense?

So an ideal dinner: Maybe.. 6oz grilled chicken, a small side salad, and maybe half a cup of rice or pasta or something, and a glass of skim milk or water..  Eat chicken first, then salad, then if your not full, have some of the rice or whatever carb you choose to have with it.. or fruit even, before the carbs.

I did this for a few months before Surgery.. and I lost weight. Given, the higher dose of Metformin, starting Aldactone, and synthroid probably had something to do with it.. (Side Note: I'm off the aldactone andon half of the metformin i used to be on, now...) I think it helped. especially eating more frequetly rather than less.. My body didn't feel the need to cling onto every ounce of me, because i wasn't eating enough.. because i was eating more frequently..

I hope this makes sense.. I'm writing this out pretty quick.

I'll probably expand on this further, later on.This is just a quick post.. It came to mind when i was eating chipotle earlier today.. Haha. (:

Have a great day/night. (:

<3Ashley.

www.facebook.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com
www.formspring.me/justashley1637
(:

Started a facebook page..

I'm uploading a ton of pictures to it, and posting more there, aswell. So check it out? (:

Thanks.
<3Ashley

www.facebook.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

One year later..

This time last year, i didn't even know that surgery was an option for me. I had no clue what I was going to get myself into about a month after I took these pictures..

Every christmas eve we go to my grandparents on my dads side.. we have my entire life. i took pictures last year... and pictures this year.. in the sameroom.. same day.. same person.. different outfit, a different year, and70 pounds lighter.

I havent lost as much as doctors think ishould have by now.. I'm not quitesure why that is.. I'm doing everything they're telling me. But. even though you can't see much of the weight loss in these pictures, because of a few different reasons, itsjust weird for me.. to think about how much has happened this past year.. So much, that atthistime last year, i wouldnt even begin to imagine!

Now, saying that, people may think irushed into it.. Maybe I did. But. Wouldn't you? If you found out you had a chance to totally turn your lifearound.. wouldn't you jump at it?

anywho.. I hope everyone had a happy hollidays, whatever you celebrate. and if you made somemistakes, let loose a little (i know i ate a fewthings i shouldn't have..) just get back on the wagon after new years.. the sametime that everyone else hasthe 'new years resolution' to lose 20 lbs or go tothe gym every day.. I'm gonig to do the same. except i know i have an upper hand.. (:

Hve a great day. <3(:

-ashley.
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

heres the pictures, by the way.:

Parents thoughts on WLS for their kids...

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4483229/Just-out-of-curiosity-parents-of-teenagers/

^^^
Check that out. I made thread on the main forum on obesityhelp.com, to see parents thoughts on WLS for their kids.. I'm glad to see most of them would be supportive, or at least open minded, if it was necessary.. If all other options were failed, and there was a medical reason for it to be necessary.

It worries me though.. A lot of them say they wuold wait till their child was 18.. I don't understand why anyone would wait the extra few years.. Thats just more damage being done to their bodies.. irreversable damage.. Why wait?

feel free to continue the discussion on here, or email me, twitter, anything. This is an interesting topic of discussion..

Have a great day. (:

-Ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
<3

On a side note: This time EVERY year i get sick, or hurt myself. Last year i went to the ER on newyears eve because i couldn't breathe, and found out I had pretty bad Pneumonia. The year before that? Stress fracture in my foot, and Pink eye a few days before christmas. The year before that? Head cold and sprained wrist. When I was 7? Stitches on my left index finger so it made it hard to open presents.. This year? Sprained ankle and Head cold.. Honestly. The last two weeks of December everyyy single year, are misrable for me. I took this picture to show my friend, she didn't believe I was stuck on crutches.. Well.. I am. Or i was. I'm able to walk on it now. er. limp... lol. but. One good thing came out ofthis: I saw the weight loss.. I havent seen it untill now..Everyone has noticed itbut me. I never saw it, till i saw this picture. I hate that I'm pretty much losing everywhere but my stomach... But... I can see it in my legs, my arms, my chest, my face..just nost my stomach/sides.. Hopefully they'll catch up. (:

Shopping, Clothes, Style..-- Almost halfway there?! :D

I always felt the need to dress better than most people,or look cooler, or have a cooler haircut, to distract from my weight. Now I just throw on a long sleeve Tshirt and shorts or jeans, and i'm set.I lovethis.

Oh! Which reminds me. I would ALWAYS gethot... this time last year, at my highest weight ever(around280something) I would wear tshirts and not wear a coatin the winter, because I just gothot. I think it had something to dowith my blood pressure.

(Note: Sorry if a lot of words arestuck together.. My spacebar isn't working very well,today.)

But now I got outa coat that Ihavent worn since iwas 11.. and not only does itfit, but i actually wear it. I get cold. Small victory? Yes.

I went to take my GED today (super easy, by the way...) and iwas in a room of like fourty other people.. of all ages. For once, Iwasn't thebiggest person in the room.. I looked around and saw majority of the class was obese... and most of them were biggerthan me! Imean,ifeel bad for them.. But.. That'savictory for me, too.

I have absolutely no clothes that fit me. I went to walmart a weekortwoago (somewhere icould NEVERshop at, till now.) and got a fewthings.. so i have like.. two shirts and my coatthat fit...  I'm honestly going to start wearing my brothers clothes untill after theholidays when i have money to buy some. If anyone wants any clothes anywherefrom 1x-4x that don'tfitme, email me... i'll mail them to you.. No joke. I can't waittoget rid of most of them. Goodwill, to a friend orfamily, or you, or whoever. I"m going tokeep one shirt and one pairofjeansthough... just so i can always look back and say "Whoa... I can't beleive Iusedto weigh this much!" haha.

Something elseInoticed: I used to always layer a ton.. my shirts hadto be long.. most of my weight was/is in my stomach area.. soialways wore dark long shirts to slim down iguess.. I've noticed, i'm wearing alot ofstripes and plaid and weird designs and stuff now.. i still like darkerclothes.. Grey especially.. I don'tknowwhy. I just do. But the patterns andstuffare cool. I wuold never wearthem before!

Life is good. I posted on obesityhelp the other day... I raelized I"m halfway to my own personal goal of 130lbs.. My endocrine's goal is 180.. my surgeon never specified.. but anyways, i started out at 285-ish... I'm 214 now.. so i get down to 207.5lbs,andi'll be exactly halfway there! formine,anyway. I'm way past half for my endocrines goal (who i seein a weekor so.)(:

A lotofpeople think its a long shot..thati'll betoothin at 130lbs.. I don't know.so maybei'll change it later on. But for 5'2-1/2" about 140 isconsidered a'normal' bmi.. which ismy real goal.. ijustwant to pass 140 a littlebit. but like i said, that may change.

So yeah. that's my post for today.

Have a good day! Have a good night aswell. Sleep with Angels.. Dream about llamas jumping over fences.. (Travis Clark reference.. don'tknow whoheis? google the band We The Kings. <3:D haha.)

Live. Laugh. Learn.
-Ashley<3
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Oh..and i'vebeen kind of twitter obsessed lately.. Soif you wanna follow me there, it's..:
www.twitter.com/justashley1637
<3

well..

Just thought I'd let everyone know the concert was amazing... me and my friend met everyone from we the kings, her opening band.. and demis older sister; Dallas Lovato. <3 Honestly one of the best concerts I have ever been to. :")

Hope everyone has a good day. i'll get back to normal posting, soon. <3

-Ashley.
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

That's me and Danny, the drummer from We The Kings. I cut my friend outof the picture because I don't know if she would want it online or not. But yeah. <3 Standing outside in windy chicago, in pouring rain, was most definatley worth meeting them. Haha. :)

Demi Lovato -- Anti Bullying -- My issues with bullying..

Just a short post...

I get to see Demi Lovato in concert, at the Rosemont Theatre near Chicago, IL this Saturday (December 3rd, 2011). I'm really excited, I'm going with my friend Tara whom I haven't seen since August of last year.. I've seen Demi once before, with The Veronicas and The Jonas Brothers, when I was thirteen.. But this time it's all Demi. <3

She's one of my rolemodels, honestly. It takes a lot for me to say that, I don't have many. And those that I do, aren't famous. I was never into many Disney stars.. I remember back when I saw her on a show As the Bell Rings or something.. I heard her singing..

I've been raised in a really musical family, and it caught my eye.. she caught my eye.. then sure enough, she was in camp rock.. (with the Jonas Brothers.. whom I was a fan of, at the time.. don't tell me you've enver liked them at one point or another, you'd be lieing. adults included.) and it was great.. I saw her on the Burning Up tour with them..(and the veronicas, who are epic. I love them.) Around that time pictures were released of her with marks on her wrists.. The publicists covered it up saying it was recently removed bracelets but I think almost everyone knew otherwise.. She opened up about bullying.. Did numerous anti-bullying campaigns.

Anyone who knows me, knows I left school in 7th grade to be homeschooled, the second half of the year, because I was being bullied.. It was really getting bad.. There were a few other reasons I felt like i should stay home.. Family issues.. I needed to take care of my brothers, a few others.. And my grandma was dieing at the time. But.. Bullying.. has been a big part of most of my life. to this day I'm STILL paranoid of what people are saying abuot me.. How i look, how i dress, if my hair looks okay.. More than i assume most pople would... A therapist once called it 'hypersensitivity.'... alogn the lines of Anxiety..

To this day I regret leaving school.. I wish I had stuck it out, I really do. I'm getting a GED in 8 days, and starting community college at 16 years old. It was my idea, my decision to do all of it.. But I would be a 16 year old Freshman... I should be a Junior, now.. What happened was, i had to retake 7th grade... My birthday being in august.. well... it cuold've been either way. I was started early, apparently. I was always the youngest. So re-taking at another school wasn't so bad, to me.. But then come freshman year, i woudl have had t oretake again.. To no fault of my own, I passed everything.. But my transcripts were lost.. I was fed up and decided to get a GED. ANYWAYS..... back to my point.

I'm not sure if it's a fact or not, but i feel like overweight girls (and guys.. but typically guys arent as caddy as girls, are..) are targeted mroe than any other.. minority? That's notthe right word.. But it'll have to do for now. I knwo how segregation was always an issue, and peoples sexual orientations.. But i think people ahve come to terms with how stuipd segregation is (most people, anyway..) and not everyone comes out if they're gay, or transgendered, etc.. You can't hide if your obese. You can try.. Black baggy clothes, keeping to yourself, being quiet, or running away like I did... homeschooling.. But that wont make it go away.. It wont make people stop..

When I was in middle school, no one did anything anti-bullying wise.. No one. My life was already hell at home, and school should have been an escape.. but it wasn't.. instead it was worse than being at home..

Well.. This brings me back to Demi..  She left in 7th grade t obe homeschooled, aswell.. (and ironically finished highschool at 16 years old, too.. I'm getting a GED but... you get my point.) Struggled with personal issues from a very young age.. eating disorder.. self harm.. and who knows what else.. Bullying brings out the worst in people.. from both sides.

I don't know her. So i can't know for sure. But whatever pushed her over the edge, wether it be fights with friends, issues with family or publicisty, an ex boyfriend... she decided to get herlself help and go to a treatment center.. And she got help. And now she's back,b etter than ever..

Shes being open about what issues she had.. what she had to work through... What all started it... Bullying.

I was NEVER insecure about my weight.. even though I have been excluded from things and made fun of as long as i can remember... untill second grade when one comment really stuck with me.. that smoe random girl made... about 'losing baby fat..'.. i knew i didnt' have baby fat.. no one knew i was battling insulin resistance at the time.. and i went home and lost it that day..  Words really do hurt people... so does stupidity.. i'll leave it at that.

I hear peole saying Demi is a bad rolemodel, because she had cut herself.. or starved herself.. or this or that or whatever. That is absolutely no excuse.. If you want your kids to look up to someone? It should be her.. She isshowing people it does NOT matter what people say about you.. You are who you want to be.. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and make yourself happy, keep yourself healthy, in order to help yourself and the people you love. That life sucks sometimes.. But nothign comes easy.. if you reallly want to get better, you will. It may be a never ending battle with bulimia, or accepting the fact that that one guy you think you love doesn't know you exist, that your ex wife really wants nothing to do with you.. that your brother really is dead, or your best friend reallly has turned on you and got new friends.. but whatever it is, you can overcome it..

"Love is louder, than the pressure to be perfect." is a campaign she's working with now.. along with blogging through seventeen magazine... all trying to reach out to girls (and guys).. to empower them..  Let them know that they're not alone... No one is alone.. you may feel like you arent, but there are.. Unless there is some new disease out that no one has ever heard of and your the only person in the world who has ever had it.. you are not alone. There is someone else out there that has been there.. and it's your choice if you make it or not.. make the best of life. you only get one.

Bullying was a huge part in me digging myself in a hole, that it took years to get myself out of... I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through the same thing.. Ever.. I got a tattoo that says "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." (a modified Plato quote.) on the inside of my left wrist.. I really believe in that quote, and i chose the inside of my wrist so i'll always see it.. and remember even if i'm dealing with a lot and not in a good mood, everyone is dealing with something.. id on't want to make one stupid comment and push someone over the edge.. because thats what people did to me... i was already fighting.. the stupid comments alone wouldnt ahve hurt me.. but they're what broke me.. put me over the edge..

I've done posts about self esteem before.. But I don't know.. I was talking to my friend about Demi, and I just felt the need to let this out.  She is the kind of friend I wish I could have. Her music is pretty amazing too.. just saying.. I suggest listening to "Skyscraper" "Believe in me" "Unbroken" "Fix A Heart" "Together"  "For The Love Of A Daughter" "Lightweight" "Trainwreck" and/or "Mistake" and tell me everything i've saida bout her here, isn't true.

Bottom line of this whole post.. Demi is amazing.. and This surgery has given me my lief back..  I started feeing not as depressed.. more happy.. when i found out i could have this surgery.. when i knew it was possible for a teenager to have weight loss surgery.. I felt the slightest bit of hope.. and that hope has payed off.. the surgery payed off.. i'm still obese... but.. my bmi is under 40 for the first time in two years.. little goals, right? I'm really genuinley happy... like i said before.. you only have one life.. so why not live it?

 Alright. I realize, i said at the beginning this would be a short post.. I was wrong. I ramble. a lot. Okay. Now i'm done. (:

It's 2am on December 2nd... 7pm on December 3rd, and i'll be seeing her... 16th row, floor... Can't wait. (:

have a great day everyone. (: if you have any questons or anything, feel free to email me.. ask to add me to facebook if you want to see more pictures of the whole surgery process, testing, progress, or the demi concert (; i'll have them posted. i'll add you if you ask, through email.

Alright. bye (:

-ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com