Happy Holidays! Don't stress out over the food!

Happy Holidays!!!

Sorry I haven't updated in awhile, I've been pretty busy with the Holidays and starting up a new youtube channel, and such.

But I'm back now! After a long discussion with some family members the day after Christmas, that involved them harassing me about becoming a doctor or a nurse practitioner because of all of my 'medical knowledge' I've accumulated over the years, I figured I should get back into this.

Probably won't be a long post, simply because I'm going to a concert later, and I need to get ready (yay!!) but we'll see how it goes.

Weight Update: 185lbs (: Praise the lord for my Endocrinologist and her magic medicine dosages.

Anywho, during the holidays a lot of people don't even try to lose weight because it's so hard with all the tempting food, or they do try and just end up disappointed at their results and figure they should've just pigged out while they had the excuse of the holidays, since they didn't lose any weight anyways.

It doesn't have to be that way. Holidays are supposed to be about family/friends/etc.. Not food. People over the years have just made it about the food.

Given, I do realllllyy enjoy broccoli casserole and snacking all day on all the crap my mom sets out for my family, Over the years I've adapted to like different things...

You need to pick and choose your battles, is what I'm trying to say.

If your weakness is cookies/sweets? Have a cookie or two. Just don't eat 5 or 6. If you don't eat any, then you'll binge on something else.

If your weakness is carbs? Have some of that casserole or whatever, but have half a cup to a cup, instead of going back and having 3 servings and stuffing yourself. (This is where I'm guilty.. However thanks to my sleeve I'm incapable of going back and having 3 servings, as much as I'd like to.... Haha)

And I also am guilty of snacking throughout the day on holidays (and afterwards with the leftovers.)

But it's the holidays. It's okay to not stay on your 'perfect' diet plan. Be realistic. If it isn't going to happen, it won't happen. Don't set high expectations for yourself, because then you'll just feel like crap when you don't meet them.

Some people can pull of dieting through the holidays. If you can, then fantastic! Keep at it! But if you can't, don't stress yourself out over it.

Most of my snacking consisted of shrimp cocktail (which I eat on a pretty regular basis, anyway... I just ate a LOT more of it on Christmas), cheese/crackers, a veggie tray, and fruit salad. Which isn't bad. At all. Considering on a regular basis I have issues eating enough, having all the food on Christmas (and actually meeting all calorie/carb/protein requirements) was a reality check.

Bottom line is, don't stress yourself out. Realize what you're eating, how much, then quit focusing on it and focus on your friends/family rather than the food.

Hope you all had a great Christmas (Or Hannukah or Kwanza or if you don't celebrate anything, then a happy Tuesday?) and I'll try to update more often in the new year! Haha.

Bye<3
-Ashley

Pictures from Christmas!!!

I hadn't slept in 2 days.. Too busy cooking and what not. So most the pictures my mom took of me, I really don't remember. Haha

The quiche's I made for breakfast (:

Snacking snacking snacking. On Christmas Eve at my grandparents they had shrimp cocktail but I was too slow to get to it, and it was all gone. So I made sure to get some at my moms.... Haha.

Christmas Tree<3 (I still can't believe my mom bought those stupid light up pillows from the infomercials like WHY but i have to admit they're really fuzzy... I slept with mine last night. It feels like a little kitten. Haha!)

11 year old brother on his skateboard type thing with the leather jacket i bought him! I KNOW IT'S SWALLOWING HIM. It's huge. But it's the ONLY one they had left at the store, and he really wanted one. So I got it, and decided to use it as an incentive for him to take his shots... And it worked. (he has a growth hormone deficiency  My 9 year old brother is taller than him, etc.. He has to take growth hormogne injections every day, but fights it. But recently he's realized he doesn't wanna be 4'5" forever... So he's been taking them. Yay for Connor! (:)

Quinn after he got his new guitar. His face was priceless. Haha

I typically don't show much emotion.. In facial expressions anyway. But seeing as I was going on 2 days with no sleep, and was NOT expecting this, It's understandable as to why I actually gave a reaction to the fact that I got a gift card to my favorite Tattoo shop. I get to go sometime in the next few weeks and get my second tattoo. I'm freaking stoked. 

Tinkerbell was sleepy <3 my moms cat kept me warm all day seeing as it was FREAKING FREEZING.

Oh yeah and the day after Christmas we woke up with like 7 inches of snow on the ground. no big deal. Just the first time snow has stuck in our city in 3 freaking years.

Last but not least, the day after Christmas My 9 year old brother Nolan wanted to go play in the snow, but no one would go with him because Connor was too busy with his netbook and Quinn was too busy with his Guitar. I said I'd go, but I didn't have any jeans or snowpants or anything, all I had were leggings and pajama pants.... My mom found a old pair of snowpants of my brothers (Quinns) That don't fit him anymore and made me try them on.... I haven't worn snow pants in 4 years. I never went out in the snow unless it was to get in a car, because I had none that fit and didnt' want to buy any. Well... I wasn't expecting them tofit, and they didn't. They were too big. I gotta be honest, that kind of made my day.

So I went outside with Nolan, had a snowball fight after realizing the snow was too icy to make a snowman, and he pushed me down the hill in our front yard.

So yeah. That was my Christmas. Hope yours was just as great! (: Bye!

Success Story Video!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MrMUr67pVY8



Back in September (2012) I was asked to take part in a Success Story type video for the Surgical Weightloss Program for Teens at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, where I had the VSG back in August 2011... So, of course I agreed.

I wasn't at my goal weight then, and I'm not now. So I had a hard time understanding why they wanted me as a success story. But, my reasoning behind it is that I AM a lot healthier now, than I was before.. I have lost 100lbs (including what I lost pre-op) and I did everything they said/asked. So in that sense, the fact that it has benefited me and continues to benefit me every day, would be considered success.. Right?

So yeah, that's that. Watch it if you want. (: Let me know what you think.

Have a great day!

-Ashley<3

(Also, here is the hospitals FAQ & the programs promo video that were uploaded that I'm in briefly, as well!!)

FAQ: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naTFOlSnbRE (This video is just basically the bariatric team at the hospital I go to answering frequently asked questions about surgery, the program for teenagers, etc...)

Promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUlWh0hRuuA (This video gives some more information on the program, and how surgery has helped me & a couple other people with our lives. I got really excited when I first saw it because they included my tattoo in it... Haha (: )

How to stay motivated!

I've been stuck at 195 since May... MAY. I actually gained 12 pounds during the summer, but then I lost it once my meds were adjusted.. And I was back to 195, where I have remained since. It's now the first week of November.

Obviously, I've been frustrated. I've amped up my exercise, upped my water intake, and I'm seeing if this will help. Also it's questionable if I'm eating enough. So I've been emailing back & forth with my dietitian, trying to sort this out.

For a few months I just completely gave up. I'm able to maintain perfectly fine. But losing is an issue. I figured okay I'm stuck here forever but... I actually saw a post on a website called Tumblr that I get on regularly, about diet/exercise/etc... Then I discovered an entirely different side of the website, full of blogs full of motivation tips and diet/exercise tips and all sorts of stuff... I typically just got on that website to 'fangirl' over bands and youtubers that I'm probably a little too obsessed with, and to find quotes and stuff I liked and artsy stuff... But this threw me for a whirlwind.

I came to the realization that I'm back at square one. This surgery had already done what it's going to do for me... It was a huge jump start.. Not just the surgery, because that alone I don't think did much for me (other than being a HUGE reality check & gave me a much higher pain tolerance).. I mean, of course it helps me restrict how much I"m eating but... Ask any one that has ever been in my life, my family, any doctor I've seen in the past... My diet was never my problem. --- But the doctors I've met because of the surgery, and the medications that have been (Finally) orchestrated correctly, the other patients I've met, everything... I've learned a lot. But I'm back to square one. The only difference between now and 2 years ago when I was incapable of losing weight? I've seen it happen. I've seen it work. I've seen that my body is capable of weight loss, with the right combination of everything.. (drugs, diet, exercise, fluids, etc..)

Something is missing right now.. I'm not sure what. I see my Endocrinologist on the 7th, then dietitian and other people eon the bariatric team on the 13th.. So maybe they'll have some answers for me seeing as I've been logging my food religiously. Maybe that's part of it... Maybe my meds need adjusted, who knows.

Anyways, the point of this post is how do I stay motivated? Honestly... It's hard. It really is. But I've found a few things that really help.

1. I created another blog. A second tumblr (separate from my first one, because they're completely different topics.) to find and share things I find on there.. Different exercise ideas, diets, motivation tips, etc... I love updating this website, but there isn't much interaction with anyone... Where on tumblr there is a ton of interaction.. Tons of people blogging about the same thing and supporting each other  I can't go to the support groups my surgeon has because they're always at a time when i never have a ride... my family doesn't quite understand what i'm going through, and neither do any of my friends.. So this has been great for me. And while on there, I've found a few other things to help motivate me.

2. Logging. If I stay accountable to myself, it helps me keep on track. I log everything on myfitnesspal.com -- i always have been on & off with it but lately I've been religious. Logging exercise, fluids, and food.

3. Pictures!!! The desktop background for my laptop is this picture:

This picture helps remind me that I'm capable of getting to my goal weight (140lbs).. That it may take awhile, but I eventually CAN get there.I'm really proud of what I've accomplished so far,... I like this feeling. I want it to continue. -- the picture on the left is the ONLY close to full body picture I have of myself from my highest weight.. I was so ashamed of my body... But I'm SO glad I have it to reference .. Honestly. whenever I feel like I'm not losing anything or that i haven't accomplished anything, I can just look at my leg in that picture, then my leg in the second picture.. There is absolutely no denying the difference. 

4. I have my resistance band, 3 pound weights, and tape measure all right next to my door on the shelf in my room. Every time I turn my head, stand up, or walk in or out of my room I see it and it's a constant reminder to work out..

5. The biggest motivator the past few weeks? I saw an idea for this on tumblr, and created one of my own...

This is all on the back of my bedroom door. Every. Pound. Counts. It's something I have to keep reminding myself... Every pound is a little achievement that I work my ass off to lose. I highlighted every 5 pounds and put a heart on every 10 pounds.. Because they're even bigger achievements. Inspirational quotes, reminding myself to take my medications, drink water, etc... All of it. Every time I see it it's bright and obnoxious on my door (seeing as the rest of my room is white/brown/black/tan colored) and stands out and I feel guilty if I don't do what I need to do each day.. -- The satisfaction of being able to cross off a pound, but a big black X over it and tell myself that I will never see it again is absolutely amazing, and it's something I work for. That feeling is indescribable.

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So yeah. That's about all I got. Do you have any other motivation tips you want to share? Let me know!!! (: -- Hope everyone is having a great day & I'll update once I see all these doctors and figure out what's going on.

~Ashley

Ps: If you want to visit the tumblr I mentioned above, it's www.ashley887.tumblr.com (:

How To: Keep Long hair post-op.

A lot of people (girls, specifically) feel like they have to cut most their hair off post-op.. Given, some do it because your life changes so much and its kind of like a 'new beginning'.. It's symbolic, I guess. But it's also partially because you lose a lot of hair.. Hormone changes, not enough protein, the body's shock from weight loss, whatever the reason.. hair is lost. Typically, it stops after awhile. But if you continually have medication changes like I do, you never know when it'll start back up again/stop.

Personally, I'd prefer to keep my long hair. I've always wanted to grow it out for a program called Pantene Beautiful lengths, which I eventually want to do. It's similar to Locks of Love.. But yeah - anyways, I think I look terrible with short hair anyway. Just my face shape, I've never liked it (even though most my life I had short hair.)

So yeah. My hair is fairly long... Difficult enough to take care of in itself, but when you're constantly losing hair and hair is re-growing... It can become a mess and it becomes a million times more horrific. However, I've managed to do pretty well so far. My hair has thinned out a lot. I'm disturbed by it half the time, but I've found ways to hide it for people so half the time they don't even notice I've lost any.

Here is how I take care of my hair. (Disclaimer: The products I use change every few months, but they're typically very similar. Except the heat protectant I list.I just tried it out a couple months ago and I'm in love with it and never want to use anything else ever again.. Haha.) (Also, I apologize in advance for this long post. The pictures make it a lot longer than the word-content would otherwise.)

These are the shampoo/conditioner I'm currently using. Most people say it isn't good to wash your hair every day, but sometimes you can't avoid it. With all the hormone changes, your hair can either get really dry and brittle or really greasy & nasty. So just do what you're comfortable with. Currently I'm going every other day, but that changes depending on how my hair is. - and despite if your hair is greasy, use conditioner on your roots. Sometimes excess grease is because your roots aren't getting enough moisture and are stripped of everything good for them. Just make sure you rinse your hair well! With cold water, if you can. It helps prevent frizzy-ness.

The big circle is about how much shampoo I use for how long my hair is. But the small circle is about how much conditioner I use. 

(I apologize for the hideous flash. I had just gotten out of the shower when I took these and had no makeup on and the flash isn't helping the picture quality or how my skin looks, at all.. haha.)  anyways - never brush your hair with like.. a normal brush, when it's wet or damp. always use a wide tooth comb, to prevent further damage or breakage with your hair. (Yes, that is all my hair pulled forward. you can really see how little there is when it's wet, lol.) - ALSO. I don't blowdry my hair typically. I use as little heat as possible (and since I typically have to always either straighten or curl my hair, because i have a different texture growing in as re-growth than the rest of my hair, i avoid excess heat at all costs unless i'm really in a hurry.

Which... this morning I was in a hurry. so I let my hair air-dry halfway then blewdry the rest of the way pointing DOWN. do NOT try to add volume to your hair by blowing your hair up or turning your head upside down and blowdrying.. the re-growth will just become a pain in the ass and get all tangled. 

AND USE A HEAT PROTECTANT. 

This is about what my hair was before i blew-dry it the rest of the way. still a little damp. you can see the weird texture.. and the re-growth in the front. all of my hair is supposed to be one length, the way I've gotten it cut... anything that is shorter than the over-all length of my hair, is re-growth from over the past few years. (Medication changes pre-op, etc..)

The amazing heat protectant I use. I got it at CVS for like 5 dollars after seeing some guy I watch on youtube, reccomend it.. It's so good. It smells amazing. & yeah. Just spray it over the bottom half of your hair, and your bangs/etc in the front. don't spray your roots directly.  Then blowdry if you're going to do that, if not, just run your fingers through it and get ready to flat iron or curl or whatever you're going to do. I almost always flat iron first, even if I'm going to curl.. just to tame all the re-growth. So I'll show you how I do that, typically.

I seperate my hair into sections.. I'll do the lower section, then middle section, then top sections.. then my bangs (that aren't cut intentionally.. thanks re-growth.) It still looks damp because after I blow-dry my hair, i add a little more heat protectant towards the ends so I don't fry them.

Make sure you get close to the root.. all over your head, so you get all the re-growth. In the front I've lost a lot of hair.. almost like my hairline was receding, but it's growing back. It has a weird curl to it. If you don't straighten it right, it looks like this.. almost a backwards upside down nike sign.. haha.

So make sure you straighten it like this, curving it downwards. (pretend my fingers are a flat iron for the pictures purposes..)

For dealing with the top section, the most important part that people see, I use a rat-tail comb to section off small areas and get really close to the root to get every possible cm of hair I can.

Never, & I repeat NEVER try to tease your hair. Forget about volume while you're going through this. It's not important. You'll get over having flat hair. It's not a big deal.. But if you do tease it, this is what happens. All re-growth. I don't care how careful you are when you do it, it will look like absolute crap. 

It's only okay to use an actual brush for your hair once it's completely dry and flat. If it's curly, no. If it's damp, no. Only if it's straight/wavy and completely dry. And actually good to brush a few times a day to get all the hair that falls out, out.. So it doesn't end up in your shower drain.

After it's all straight/curly/however I want it, even though this says curl sculpting gel, i use it every day no matter what my hair looks like. Almost as a finishing cream. it smoothes everything down without looking hard like gel or hairspray and you can still run your fingers through your hair, etc..

You only need about this much.

Last tip: If you're going to put your hair up, make sure whatever your using wether it's bobby pins, clips, clamps, hair elastics, etc.. that they don't have sharp or little pieces of metal. My bobby pins are plastic-coated and no metal pieces of hair elastics, because hair can get caught on them and break off.. That's the last thing you need.

So yeah. Final product: 

(From the back...)

(From the side...)

& finally from the front. (: (again.. terrible picture. Obviously if you've ever been to this site before you've probably seen better pictures of me. :P)

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So, I hope this helps someone see that it IS possible to keep your hair... People have said in the past when I complain about my hair thinning out just to cut it off but.. I look terrible with short hair. I've considered maybe cutting it a little past my collar bone and adding some layers in... But not until i'm reading to donate it to locks of love. Only then would I cut it that short... haha. I need a few more inches first. (:

Oh. & this is what my hair looks like when it's curled, which I've been doing a lot lately because it makes my hair look thicker than it really is.. Haha. 

Oh, & that picture is from a photoshoot/videoshoot/interview thing I did for CCHMC a month or so ago!!! The photographer sent me all the pictures she took and I'm kind of in love with them. (Instead of getting senior pictures I'm just using these.. Haha.) [http://www.tmphotography.net/]

So that's it!!! Hope this helped some of you and have a great day. (:

-ashley

How much can I really eat?

Okay, so I'm attempting to post this from my iPhone. If I can do this, it will make my posts MUCH more frequent.. Haha. Anyways...

How much can I really eat? Doctors will tell you the estimate of how much you should be able to eat, and it's different with different surgeries. I had the VSG. I'm supposed to eat about a cup to a cup and a half (volume-wise) of food. Which is roughly right. But the density of the food matters. Salad? Yeah that's about right. Pure protein? Meat, cheese, etc... No. Not even close. -- my family does eat out quite frequently. Or carry out or whatever. We went out to eat the other day and I decided to use that opportunity to blog about a real life situation (with pictures). :p

(and right as I attempted to insert a picture on my phone, it crashed.. saying i need to install a new app to be able to do that. I may try it later.. So I know I can write drafts.. just no pictures. alright. :P)

Anyways.. Basically we went out to eat and I got what I usually get at that restaurant. A club-melt sandwich (which consists of turkey, bacon, tomato, and I think it's white cheddar cheese, on toast. and a side salad.. Salad is pointless for me to eat. It's nutrients it limited. It's basically just water, fills me up too much, whatever. But the sandwich comes with a side, and I really like salad. So I get it and just have a few bites of it and give the rest to my brothers who like it. So, this is how much of my meal I could eat:

(I used my hand to show you roughly how big the salad was)

Volume-wise.. it was maybe 1 1/4 cup of food that I ate. I picked off all the crust and a few little parts of the half to make it look like I ate a little more than I actually did to shut the waiter up (because yes, most times I go out they question if the food wasn't good or if I'd like something else or what not.. Haha) and I brought the other half home. 

I looked up the nutrition facts for this meal that I usually get because my family goes to this specific restaurant  pretty often... Turns out The sandwich alone has 56 grams of protein.. Half of that.. (minus some bread) is like 28 grams of protein. almost freaking 30 grams of protein. Half of what I'm supposed to get in a day. That isn't bad. At all. That's actually kind of amazing. The fat content isn't high, and calories/carbs are average.. And salad is basically nothing because I can only eat 3-4 bites of it, so.. yeah.

Some people seem to think after surgery you can't eat the same foods you used to.. I guess that depends on what you ate before surgery... If you're used to living off of fast food, eating entire bags of chips, little-no vegetables/fruits, fried things, etc... Then yeah. Probably not. You're physically capable of it, but doesn't that kind of ruin the point of having surgery? But if you have a relatively healthy diet? There is no reason you can't eat a normal meal at a restaurant. Obviously, less of it... But this is something I got pre-surgery too.. Except I ate it all. 

So yeah. That's about how much I can eat. I could eat a little more volume if I had more salad and less sandwich, but then I wouldn't get as much protein. (Which is something I've had issues getting enough in of, in the past.) It just depends on the density of what you're eating.

Alright! Hope you all have a good day and I'll update again soon. (: Bye.

-ashley

Side effects of Insulin Resistance: Hyperinsulinemia - Hunger.

A lot of people with Insulin Resistance don't like to talk about this. People automatically seem to assume that you just eat because  you're bored, and you gain weight. I've had dietitians when I was younger say I just ate too much. My entire life revolved around food for so long. So I would never admit when I was hungry. I would force myself not to eat when I was younger, even though I was absolutely starving, because I was under the impression that food was toxic.

There are so many directions that I could go, with this post. So I'll probably continue this, or maybe turn it into a series of posts.. Explaining different aspects of Insulin Resistance, and how it can affect your life. -- But where I'm going to go for this post is; Hunger. Why you are so hungry. (Or most people, anyway. Obviously not everyone has the same side effects all the time.)

This doesn't necessarily apply to me anymore, because of the VSG I had last year. I'm never hungry anymore. But I have dealt with this my entire life. I completely understand where people are coming from when they say they're always hungry.

So here we go. (Side note: I am not a doctor. This is just my understanding of the condition and how it works.)

With IR, you have high insulin levels in correlation with high blood sugar, after you eat. Hyperinsulinemia is the technical term for it. What causes high insulin levels? Your body's cells not reacting to the Insulin hormone your pancreas produces to help break down energy from the food you take in.. (Therefor, all the food is just stored as fat instead of used as energy.. explaining the whole weight-gain with Insulin Resistance.). Then, your pancreas produces more.. that your body still doesn't react to efficiently  So you have a lot of free-floating insulin.. and chances are if it hasn't already, your blood sugar is rising (and then will eventually drop rather quickly once your body realizes there is nothing it can do with it.)

One of the multiple side effects of high insulin levels, is hunger.

It's kind of a vicious cycle..

Make sense? -- Not the best chart type visual aid thing I've ever made.. But it'll do.

Your hungry, so you eat. Your blood sugar jumps, causing your pancreas to create more insulin (which your body resists.. It doesn't react to it. Insulin Resistance. The name is kind of self explanatory.) that wont work. Your blood sugar eventually drops, making you hungry again.. and it just repeats. and repeats. and repeats. 

How is this stopped/treated? Well. Weight loss is the main goal. Because a lot of the time, weight gain is what causes IR. Obviously, there are a ton of other factors. Diet & exercise are two of the main ways of treating this. For a lot of people that isn't enough though, and medications are involved. Personally, I've always been on Metformin. Since i was 8 years old. But I know there are other medications, if you can't tolerate Metformin. Talk to your doctor about it all. They'd have more information.

So I hope this helps some people understand the hunger that is correlated with IR.

I'll probably continue these with other symptoms/side effects of Insulin Resistance because there are so many factors involved that a lot of people don't seem to understand or get explained to them.

Let me know if you'd like to see more!

Have a good day. (:

-Ashley.

Article on Insulin Resistance 2

http://jcem.endojournals.org/content/89/6/2526.full

I strongly suggest anyone interested in the topic of Insulin Resistance, whether it be you're recently diagnosed, your child or a family member has it, or you're just purely interested in learning about IR; checks out this article. It's absolutely amazing.

I (surprisingly) understand most of the medical terms used. If you don't, feel free to Google them. But in all honesty, although the article is extremely long, it's completely worth reading if you want to learn about the medical side of IR (aside from the fact that you need to diet and exercise to control it). There is a lot more to it that most people don't realize.

I've been on a research kick lately, and I'm really glad I came across this.

Let me know what you think?

Alright, have a good day. (:

-Ashley.

Live life to the fullest.

I've used this summer to really get myself on track.. With doctors and exercise and what not.. I'm still having extremely slow weight loss.. But you know what? I'm tired of my life revolving around my weight. It always has. Ever since I was 2-3 years old. My weight doesn't define me. Or it shouldn't, anyway. Some people like to make it seem like it does but.. It doesn't.

I've realized that when making such a huge life change, whether it be surgery or other health issues or even not health related.. a break up/divorce, moving, switching schools, anything.. It's really important to take care of yourself.. Not just eating right and exercising.

Along this journey I've met a lot of people that I probably would have never met, otherwise. Not just people from a support group or certain doctors.. But real friends. I've always had issues making friends.. But when I became confident in my doctors helping me get healthy, I became more confident in myself.. I've found myself doing things I never thought I'd do before.. Or things I wanted to do, but couldn't.

I lost a lot of friends over this journey.. But I've gained so many more, and they don't even realize that most my life has revolved around this kind of stuff.. They take me at face value. For me.

It's an amazing feeling.

Not just that, but I've started taking better care of myself.. I've always had social anxiety issues. But I've been applying for jobs, doing volunteer work, and all sorts of stuff...I would always sleep in the living room on the couch because I felt claustrophobic in my room. I had no motivation to clean it, ever. You couldn't walk 2 feet into it without tripping and risking death.. I cleaned it. I have a bed in there now (I didn't before.. my friend had broke it and i never put a new one in.)

I don't live on the computer anymore. I've been lazy and put off getting my license, but I'm almost finished with drivers ed. (:

It's just.. It's an overall positive thing, and I want everyone to experience it. It's an amazing thing.

No matter what big change you're going through, whether it be surgery/health stuff like mine, or a divorce/breakup, or switching schools.. or anything.. Remember to take care of yourself. If you get yourself stuck in a rut, you can get yourself out.

I've quit spending money on clothes. It's not worth it. I wear baggy clothes, and I go to concerts. I enjoy creating memories for myself because I blocked so much of my life out.. I call up old friends, go to an arcade.. go on a late night run to Sonic just to catch up with someone.. This is the first real summer I think I've ever had... That wasn't revolved around my health,.. or where I wasn't too depressed to leave the house.

There's so much more... Just.. I had an amazing summer. It was the first time I've really had to take care of myself and just have a good time. If you don't find things to make yourself happy, you won't be happy. Do things you enjoy. Life is short!

I guess the point of this is.... I'm healthier. I'm still in the process of losing weight but... To be honest..? I've only weighed myself maybe 3 or 4 times this summer, vs every week.. My weight doesn't define me and my life doesn't revolve around it. Of course it's still a huge goal of mine to continue losing weight, but there is more to my life than just that. My quality of life is so much better.. not only did I take it into my own hands to get physically healthier by having this surgery.. But I took it into my own hands to not be a hermit. To not hide in my room anymore. To enjoy life. I'm tired of wasting time.

It's an extremely empowering feeling knowing that you've done so much for yourself.. That you've changed so much.. When you realize how far you've come..

No matter what change you're dealing with in your life, remember to take care of yourself.. and make yourself happy. This is the only life you get. Make the most of it.

Have a great day!!

-Ashley.

Here are some pictures from my summer, things I've done.. Things I'll never forget. (Warning: Lots of pictures.. Making this post a lot longer than necessary.)

bowling. (:

 

Went to the pool a TON this summer.. I got a tan for the first time since i was like 12.. haha

 

Went to the Lego store in Cincinnati for my brothers 9th birthday. (:

 

Made home-made cherry pie (and lots of other stuff) for the 4th of July. I bake a lot.. ha ha

 

Went to coney island (waterpark/amusementpark) on my dads week off! went canoeing for the first time in years.. I've always loved it. <3 haha

 

warped tour!!!! I was going to use a picture of one of my favorite bands but this one kind of helps you visualize just how huge it was.. and this was only 1 of the 8 or 9 stages.. :P

 

went fishing. (: i didn't catch anything but 2/3 of my brothers did!

 

I kind of have a thing for campfires.. :P I had to have at least 6 or 7 this summer..

 

Went to MI to see a few of my favorite bands.. Eyes on the sky, at long last, paradise fears, ashland high (trace cyrus.. yes, mileys brother.) and FTSK.

 

Here's my picture with Trace. He was so sweet. I got pictures with pretty much every other person there too but this picture list is already long as-is.. add me on facebook if you wanna see the rest, haha.

 

Went to an arcade place with one of my best friends for my 17th birthday.. I've known her since i was 5. Haven't seen her much the past few years until recently..  reconnecting with old friends is an amazing thing.

 

Saw Paradise Fears for the 3rd time this year.. at a house party they did in Grafton, OH. These 6 guys (and the friends i've made through them) are the only people who have left me with any hope in the human race. They are some of the most accepting people I have ever met.. I couldn't be more thrilled that I've got to spend as much time with them as I have. (:

 

This is my picture with Marcus (the bassist in PF). We (me and like 15 other people) sat and talked with them all for like 4 hours around a bonfire.. It was an amazing night. Too many pictures to post at once, though. This was honestly a night I'll never forget.. I made a bunch of new friends (that i don't want to post pictures of.. I don't know if they'd be cool with it.) that i would have never met otherwise.. I've only known them a week but i feel as if I've known them my entire life.. Music brings people together in an amazing way.. I love it.

 

Me & Tara. The girl I typically go to all these concerts with. (: it's all smokey because of the bonfire. haha.

 

Went to a big sunflower patch to take some senior pictures for my friend, because her photographer wasn't available.. we ended up setting a timer and taking some of both of us.. (:

 

All in all my summer was absolutely amazing.. This wasn't even half of what I wanted to post but this is already way too long as is so I'm going to shut up now..

 

Before I go? That band I keep seing? Paradise Fears? They did a cover of a song by Gym Class Heroes that is kind of amazing... their originals are fantastic but the video for this cover... you should watch it.. all the way through. Seriously.. It will give you hope in humanity.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf4YPpOQMGc

 

 

Alright! Bye (:

 

 

 

 

Sorry!

I've been lacking updates the past few weeks.. My explination? My laptop is broken. It's been the most annoying thing ever. My iPod Touch isn't letting me on the internet either, or my phone. It's like the internet is conspiring against me.. hah.. anyways.

Quick update: I did finally lose some weight. Endocrin bumped my meds up. 850 2x a day Metformin and 75mcg Synthroid.. Which has really helped. -- I am still having low blood sugar issues but I'm able to control them so it's not a big deal. I'm down to about 195lbs. So I'm happy.

The support group went well! I had to leave a little early so I didn't get to finish a few conversations, unfortunatley. But all in all it was a good experience. I met a lot of people and learned a lot, as well as taught a few other people some things.. (One girl had NO clue what Insulin Resistance was.... huge teaching experience for me. The doctors were impressed.. haha.)

I have some pictures but I can't upload them on the computer I'm on now, so I"ll have to wait. my birthday is in 2 days (I'll be 17. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!?!?!) So... I"m hoping that I'll either get a new phone or laptop since neither of mine work anymore, and i'll be able to update more frequently.

Also: I've been to 2 concerts since the last time I updated. Warped tour (which was honestly probably the best day of my life.) and The One Direction Tour (NOT the band one Direction.... The bands on that tour: Forever The Sickest Kids, Ashland High (Trace Cyrus... yes, Mileys brother.), Paradise Fears, At Long Last, and they had a different opener in each city. I went to Lansing, MI.. and the opener there was a band called 'Eyes On The Sky'... I"m not gonig to get into it now, but my best friend i went with, her mom had the bypass... soooo i have some interesting topics to cover that came up on a 7 hour road trip with her mother.

Life is generally really good right now, and I have lots of post ideas. I Just need to wait until i have more time and a better computer that will allow me to post pictures and videos. (:

OH. BY THE WAY. One year anniversary of my surgery (VSG) yesterday!!!!!! Time flies when you're.. adapting? haha.

well yeah. that's about it. feel free to check my twitter and facebook, those are the only two websites i'm able to access on my ipod. so i'm on frequently.

have a great day!

-ashley.

Controlling your glucose levels.

So, I've had a lot of low-blood sugar issues lately. Literally every night around midnight, right as I'm trying to get to sleep, I get all shaky and hot and I go and test my blood sugar and it's relativley low. Along with a few times periodically throughout a week at other times, it gets low. The only thing I can attribute it to is not eating enough. I was just raised up to 850mg of Metformin twice a day, but my doctor assures me it shouldn't have too much of an affect on my blood sugar since I've been on it so long. So I'm trying to eat more frequently, without grazing.

Since I've had this issue going on for a few months, I thought I'd share some tips on preventing low blood sugar, and how to raise it.. and keep it at a good level.

My dad is hypoglycemic, but has no metabolic issues or anything. Other than smoking, and an inoperable benign brain tumor, he's relatively healthy.... Works a hard labor job, etc.. Whenever his drops, he can grab Reese's Peanutbutter Cups and it'll go up and he'll be fine. He doesn't ever really test his blood sugar. He can just tell. On the few occasions we've tested it just for fun to get an idea, he doesn't start feeling it untill his blood sugar is about at 40.

Where for me, I can start feeling it in the 60's. Which isn't even that low. (So you can imagine how bad it is when it gets down into the 40's-50's..) But I've always been like this. I've been overly-sensitive. I can estimate what my blood sugar is at any given time, and I'll be within 10-15 points of it. It's annoying.. but it's become a good tool.

But most people aren't like that. They can't tell what their blood sugar is very often. So you need to test a little more often to get an idea, rather than only when you feel high or low.

I know Type 1 diabetics need to test close to 7 times a day. At least the few I know, anyway. My grandma who was type 2 had to test fasting, with every meal, and at bedtime. so about 4-5 times. And All my life I had to test 2-3 times a day, up untill the past couple years. Fasting, and 2 hours after dinner primarily. But I say occasionally 3 times, because whenever I would feel sick, as a little kid I culdn't automatically say I knew it was my blood sugar, because I didn't know. So that was always a pre-caution to rule out low or high blood sugar.

Before I get into tips on how to controll it, lets talk about symptoms of the two. Sometimes I used to think i was low, when i was actually high. Obviously the only way to be sure is to test. but here are the defined symptoms of high/low blood sugar:

High: (listed on this website. It describes it all better than I could.) http://www.emedicinehealth.com/high_blood_sugar_hyperglycemia/page3_em.htm

Low: Personally for me, I get dizzy, shaky, irritable, and tired. But all the symptoms are listed here -- http://www.emedicinehealth.com/low_blood_sugar_hypoglycemia/page3_em.htm

So there are the lists of symptoms, and aside from testing to make sure you know where you are, and if your high or low, here are some tips on how to control it.

To prevent high/low blood sugar: protein!! Eat protein with sugar/carbs. If you're going to have something that you know can raise your blood sugar (like for me, a muffin or something like that that I normally don't have..) have milk with it. Or some source of protein. Sugar attaches itself to protein, and It won't raise your blood sugar as much.

To control high/low blood sugar: For high blood sugar, unless you're diabetic and have insulin you can take, there isn'tmuch you can do. Just wait it out. Sometimes if mine's high i'll drink a glass of skim milk and sometimes i think it slowly helps bring it down, but i'm not 100% sure on the science of that, if it helps at all. But for low blood sugar? Eat sugar/carb + protein. Like, peanutbutter toast and a glass of milk. Or strawberries and a piece of string cheese. Occassionally when it's really llow, I'll add in a real meal.. Sort of an egg sandwich. But with only one piece of bread. I'll take a piece of bread, a slice of cheese, and fry an egg and put it on top.. and eat that. It fills me up. (obviously, it may not fill somene up that has a normal sized stomach.. but it'll do.) the carb really helps raise the blood sugar and because there is protein, it stays up.

If it's dangerously low, like, below 40-45 ish... drink orange juice, or have something high in sugar. and once your blood sugar is raised, then add protein to keep it up. it'll happen faster.

So I hope this helps clear some things up for some people, and keep in mind I'm not a doctor or anything. This is just from my 10+ years experience with testing and dealig with high/low blood sugar. Obviously if you have chronic high/low's, make sure you let your doctor know and see if they have any further advice or want to run any tests or anything.

I hope you're having a great day, and feel free to email me or contact me on facebook or something, if you want. (:

---Ashley.

PS: I'm going to my first support group for the sugery, tomorrow... with a bunch of teenagers that had WLS at the same hospital I did. It's a summer event... at a rec center, there's gonna be swimming and sports and stuff like that. I have previously met 2 or 3 of the people that are going, and have talked to a few other people online. But this'll be interesting.. I'll be sure to post about it later. Maybe pictures too, if I'm allowed. (:

I don't have a clue what to title this.

I've been debating on uploading this post for a long time... But in the end, it comes down to being honest. This is what I'm going through. I don't want to seem negative or whiny. I just need to vent. and for people who come here for informational purposes, I share my story because I wanted to know what it would be like for me, before I got myself into it... there was absolutely nothing online from the patients perspective.. and so I created this website, hoping to help others.. I've gotten messages from other teenagers thanking me for this blog, and what not.. so I'm not going to mislead anyone by only telling the positive things. So I'm going to continue this post. ---

I've been slacking on updates here, for numerous reasons..

1. I've gained weight. I'm confused. I'm not happy. I'm hormonal 90% of the time. I don't want to say something I'll regret saying later.

2. I haven't had the motivation. I get lots of ideas for posts, but I just never follow through.

3. I've been going to my mom's a lot more lately, and her Internet connection is ridiculously slow.

4. I'm waiting on information back from a few different doctors on why I'm having so many issues.

5. I'm trying desperately to enjoy my summer, because I didn't get to the past 2 years. And blogging on here makes it hard, because it reminds me of the negative stuff in my life right now.. Which I'm trying to spend the least amount of time possible, focusing on.

----------------------

So that's where I'm at. Let me elaborate...

At my appointment in May with my bariatric team, I was down to 197lbs. And I was super excited. I had broken the 200 mark. a huge goal for me. I was eating in between 600 & 800 calories a day. Exercising about an hour a day, getting 60+fl oz of sugar free fluids a day. and doing great.

I emailed my dietitian asking her how many calories I was supposed to be getting in a day, at 10 months out. Because I wasn't losing as quickly as they said I should be. so I wondered if maybe i wasn't eating enough, because I had that problem before. She said in between 1,000 & 1,200. So, I attempted to up my calories. I'm still barely averaging 1,000. It's hard! I have to remind myself to eat.. but I try to get enough in.

WELL. My endocrinologist upped my Metformin, from 500 2x a day to 850 2x a day, because my insulin levels were still really high. Then after about a week of that, I was having serious nausea.. and couldn't get ahold of anyone for whatever reason. So I just quit taking it. Stupid decision, I know. very stupid. Whether it was due to the metformin, or if it was just a stomach bug, i don't know. But it stopped after i quit taking it.

And that same week, I ran out of the birth control I was on (which wasn't strong enough anyway, breakthrough bleeding.) so I was off that too, no refills.

What some people don't understand is, i see SO many doctors. I have my endocrinologist, I have the nurse practitioner & dietitian tied in with the bariatric surgery, then I have my family doctor. And they don't communicate. Everyone has different ideas on what should be happening on me, and different confusion on why their expectations aren't happening. So I'm in the middle of it all, and it's extremely frustrating. I don't know who to listen to or what to do.

Sure enough, I gained 10 pounds. In literally 3 weeks.

the people tied in with bariatric surgery seem to think i don't even really need the metformin, or that i wont for very long.. BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M OFF OF IT.

Ugh...

So after lots of blood work was done by my endocrinologist, and it was determined that all of my blood work isn't any different than it was before, she thought maybe we just titrated too fast or something... and put me on 250 2x a day of metformin.. then 2 weeks later back on 500 2x a day.. and ordered in a new prescription for a stronger birth control.. which i was supposed to get the other day! but turns out, she ordered one that isn't even made anymore.... so I'm still on no birth control..

my mom is playing phone tag with the office trying to get ahold of her to figure out whats going on, and to ask her to order in one that is still made..?

In the mean time, I'm still exercising an hour a day. only getting in probably 800-900 calories a day, if that. I"m really moody and frustrated.

I have other teenagers that had surgery, added on facebook. And a few of them had surgery in the past 2 months.. and I'm just seeing their progress. and I'm happy for them.. but it also makes me.. mad at myself? because i didn't do as well as they are!

I mean recovery wise, i did better. but weight loss wise... One girl has already lost more than I have total, in less than 2 months. She started at a higher weight/bmi than i did.. but still.. it's disheartening.

I don't know what's wrong with me. All of these other people are off of their medications, and losing more. where I'm still on my meds, and not losing at all, and actually gaining.

they're eating more less-healthy things (I saw one girl talking about how she was eating burger king and ramen noodles), and still losing... (WTF?!), where I'm gaining.

Why am I so different?

--------------------------

My theory? Honestly? When I told the doctors at the bariatric center that my problem was not eating enough.. and that I had been dealing with this my entire life... That I never really ate poorly (obviously on occasion at holidays, but on a regular basis i followed strict diets).. I don't think they believed me.

Then they put me under the impression it would be a cure-all. That I would get off my medications, and because I could only eat so much volume-wise that I'd be okay if i followed a relatively healthy diet.

But that's just it... The restriction didn't change anything. Because I didn't eat enough in the first place. I had actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder (EDNOS) 1 year prior. But My entire life, i was on diets and exercise regimens.. I reinterate this ALL the time. But no one seems to believe me. Of course I slipped up sometimes, and resented it for awhile but.. all in all... I did as well as anyone can expect a kid to do, at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old, etc...

At my last appointment someone (I forget who or what title they were specifically) said I'd be able to get off of metformin... I wouldn't be on it forever.

But look at this. I've been on it since i was 7 years old. and I clearly still need it.

Nothings really changing.

I was under the impression things would change, but they aren't. for me, anyway.

All of these other people I see, who haven't had the same issues I've had since they were babies, that had surgery, are doing fantastic, and all of it is  working for them, but not me.

I literally have sat here and cried a few times, wondering why it's different for me. Why me. But then I realize I can't change it. and all I can do is do my est. Keep doing what I'm doing, and pray someone figures something out...

Honestly, one day I caught myself looking at pro-anorexica sites. which I've never done. I was just curious.. I saw these diets members had shared with each other... super low calorie and what not.. one diet was like "600 calories  a day" and it gave ideas on things and what not.. obviously it wasn't high in protein or whatever like my diet but.... I FREAKING EAT AROUND 600 CALORIES A DAY. these girls are skin and bones. and I'm still freaking obese after having my stomach cut out.

 I don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm extremely frustrated. This is the ONLY website online, for teenage bariatric surgery. I'm the only person out of a group of 30 or so people, that I know has had this issue.. (that I'm aware of. I haven't talked to absolutely everyone. but no one else has ever voiced their thoughts on this issue, either.)

So maybe it's just me. and I definitely DON'T want to persuade someone to not look into surgery, because they think it wont work for them. The only way to know is to talk to your doctor.

My advice, if you're looking into surgery right now? If restriction really isn't your problem.. If you have absolutely no problem with cheating on diets, and you exercise, and you're still not losing weight.. There may be something else going on.. that cutting out your stomach wont fix.

Maybe it'd be different with a mal-absorption procedure like RNY or DS... but, I had the VSG.. which doesn't have an intestinal component.. and this is where I'm at. what I'm dealing with.

Am I the only one dealing with this? Please for the love of god, if someone is reading this and has been through this, adult or teenager, please contact me on facebook or comment on here or email me or something... I would do just about anything to know I'm not the only defected human being with this issue.


I don't know. I Just don't know. I know I've said that like 20 times already, but I don't. It's honestly miserable. It's depressing. I had all these hopes that people instilled in me, that i saw in other patients.. and it's all come crashing down.

Obviously, I know I made a mistake by stopping the Metformin for 2 weeks. But good god. One doctor had told me I shouldn't even be on it. I wasn't 100% sure it would be that big of an issue.. but clearly it was.

I want the truth. I want to know what the hell is going on with my body. I want to know why things aren't working for me, the way they're working for other people.

I want to know why I'm becoming hypoglycemic. Literally as I was typing this, i was getting shaky. sure enough, my blood sugar was low. I just went and ate 2 slices of deli turkey, and a piece of string cheese and a few wheat saltine crackers, and I'm okay now.. but god.. I want to know why one doctor says i need metformin, but another says i don't.. I want to know why I"m eating less than most people, but still gaining weight. I don't understand it! I want answers!!

I"m like a minority, within a minority, within a minority.. By that I mean. I'm an obese teenager with serious heath issues that contribute. (1st minority) and within that, I had weight loss surgery, (2nd minority). then I'm having issues with the weight loss surgery. I"m not losing. (which would be the 3rd minority).

Ugh...

I'm at like 205 pounds now. eating about 700-800 calories a day. I can't physically eat more than that, without turning to junk like ice cream and cookies and stuff... Which I don't even really like! I don't have a sweet tooth. at all. So it's really hard to get in as many calories that my dietitian says I should be getting. I'm exercising an hour a day. resistance/weights & aerobics/cardio. getting enough fluids & protein. but nothings budging.

When I get some answers (If i get some answers) I'll get back to you all. I see the bariatric team again on August 9th. so maybe they'll have some suggestions. And I also see my endocrinologist on August 1st.. so maybe she will too.

But untill then, I feel uncomfortable blogging about surgical related things, because I'm not successful right now. And I don't want to lead anyone down the wrong path, by claiming otherwise. So I'll continue blogging, just more about the metabolic stuff (which is an area I've been slacking in, anyway.. this blog isn't just surgical. its about Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, thyroid issues, hormonal stuff, etc... as well. Anything that would die under the umbrella of "Metabolic Syndrome".).. not the surgical.

So. That's where I'm at right now. I'm going to end this here, and go to sleep.. Then probably go to the pool tomorrow, and just try to block this massive feeling of failure out of my head, until I can come up with something or a doctor can come up with something that will fix this. It's all I can do.

Seriously.. If you're a teenager that is actually reading this.. contact me on facebook or email me or something.. I'd love to know if someone is actually getting something from any of this. If you're a medical professional that is reading this, or someone with any knowledge on any topic that I cover here, and have ANY idea whatsoever of what could be going on with me that I could ask one of my doctors about, please let me know. I want to talk to people educated on the topic.. or that are going through what i am, or something similar. A support system is something that I'm lacking.

I hope you're having a good day (or at least a better one than I'm having) and I'll touch base, soon!

-Ashley

One of the most annoying things about my life right now. (Hair loss)

I can't just say that it's an annoying thing about surgery, because that isn't true. This is most likely not-surgical-related --- because it was a problem I had before I even started looking into surgery.

Hair loss (and re-growth).

I was lucky, because I had very thick hair before this all started. I had thick stick straight strawberry-dirty blonde hair. I went through a phase in middle school where I dyed it brown a lot. and got highlights a few times. But I let it all grow out, and I haven't dyed it since.

Well!! around 2010 I started losing more hair than you're supposed to. (Most people lose around 100 hairs a day.) and I hadn't been to doctors as frequently as necessary for my Insulin Resistance, I needed blood work done.. sure enough when I went in in early 2011, I found out my thyroid levels were messed up, among other things.

That was around the time I was looking into surgery.

Well, the hair loss never stopped. Because as soon as the new medications started taking affect, I had surgery. and my body was thrown into a whole other cycle, it didn't know what the hell happened to it. I had issues drinking enough for awhile, although I did get enough protein in (and still do, most days.) The hair loss still hasn't stopped. I'm 11 months out now. It is freaking annoying.

I still lose a handful a day. I used to be able to wrap a hair elastic-tie thing around a ponytail 2-3 times. Now I can wrap it around 4-5 times. I used to like braiding my hair, because it would give it deep-looking-waves. And I would have to do like 4 braids all over my head, sleep on it, and wake up and take them out. Now I only need to do 1. and the 1 braid i do, is just a tiny bit thicker than one of the four I used to do.

It's insane.

Here, look for yourself.

That's just when I have my hair in a ponytail. So clearly I don't do that much anymore, unless necessary. and when I do, i use bobby pins and hair gel and stuff to keep it all back.

The re-growth is worse than the loss itself.

and what you see, is the re-growth. I'm still losing a lot of hair on a daily basis. The re-growth is going to continue for a very long time, and I have absolutely no idea how to get it to stop.

I don't have the money for biotin, and I asked my doctor about it and they said it hasn't been proven to help much anyway.

I take all my vitamins, get all my protein, and my blood work is all fine.

So I don't know. Maybe I need to increase my protein. But yeah.

I mean, I can make my hair look normal (although you can tell it's thinned out..)

see? 



That's how long my hair is. and I refuse to cut it off, although I know it would be easier. I regret it every time I cut it though. I chopped my long hair off in 3rd grade. and I chopped it off again in 8th. and I've always wanted super long hair, like, past my waist. I'm so close. So even though it'd be easier, I refuse to. I look terrible with short hair.

But it's SO much effort. I have to shower and wash my hair every day, or else it gets super oily and disgusting. shampoo. condition. comb. heat protectant. blow dry. straighten. finishing cream stuff to smooth it all down. comb again. and comb periodically throughout the day. and then shower again the next day. and another clump of hair ends up in the drain.

and I have to straighten it every day. because not only is my hair re-growing. but it's not growing in straight like the rest of my hair. it's growing in curly. and darker than most my hair.

wonderful, right?

I'm this >-< close to shaving my head. but again. I won't. because i love my long hair.

Ugh. It's bittersweet.

Okay. Rant over.

Bye!!! (:

-Ashley.