But anyways.. The idea is send a picture in of yourself with what you consider to be, or in what place you consider to be your “sanctuary”.. & Write a few words about it. I sent in a picture of me (That is currently my banner) of me in the hospital bed, in the recovery room after surgery… http://i50.tinypic.com/2mwe1vo.jpg --and I wrote this along with it..
“The hospital... I go there pretty often... I don't mind, because, well, put simply.. The doctors there saved my life. Without surgery.. I wouldn't be able to enjoy concerts or photography or anything else I do enjoy. Every time I go there I'm reminded of how much stronger I am now than I was before. & How much better my life is. so yeah... The hospital is definatley my Sanctuary." <3
It’s the truth… That song has helped me get through a lot. Hell. That whole band has and they have absolutely no clue. – But without this surgery.. I wouldn’t be in a good place like I am now. I wouldn't be off of my antidepressants. I wouldn’t be applying to college or looking for a job. I wouldn’t be going to a huge music festivle/tour in July. I wouldn’t be able to last all day on my feet, like I can now! It’s just.. amazing. I am getting sick of going to the hospital so much.. But every time I do It’s just an amazing reminder of how far I’ve come.. How much healthier I am.. and How grateful I should be that I’m doing so well and just.. It’s fantastic. It’s reassuring, aswell.. To know people care and are trying to help me STAY healthy. And I can’t imagine it any other way. I can't thank the people that have helped me along on this journey enough. My doctors, the people I've met on ObesityHelp, The other teenagers i've met that had the same surgery (or wls in general..) or are planning to.. anyone who has encouraged this blog.. everything.
It's amazing... I remember the second I got accepted for a consultation.. For WLS... That day was the last time I ever cut myself... I remember the day of the consultation I had so much makeup over the cuts.. Just to make sure no one would see them... Because I needed this surgery. If i didn't seem completely stable.. I didn't think I'd be able to get it. -- I had finally found a glimmer of hope.. a silver lining, I guess. A few months later I was off of anti depressants.. i still have some anxiety every now and then but.. It's controlled.. I'm able to control it now.. I've ahd a few off days.. especially when i was frustrated feeling like the surgery was for nothing but... as of 5-15-2012 at 16 years old, I'm 195 lbs. I havent been 195lbs since I was 13... It's just unreal. I still have family issues.. but they dont bother me as much as they used to, because I'm not stuck at home all the time... and They're not my main focus. my main focus now is getting healthy. nothing else bothers me or is as important to me, as that is, right now.
I've never been more thankful for anything in my life. I don't think I ever will be because, well, the VSG gave me my life back... A life i don't think I ever had.. Absolutely everything doesn't revolve around my weight gains anymore.. Because i havent gaiend any weight in a year and a half.. It's just.. one of those things. It's surreal.
People who havent experienced it can't really understand.. So people think i'm crazy and that I have an anorexic way of thinking.. Because I'm so weight obsessed.. But that's all I know. My entire life has revolved around my weight.. And It's amazing to be able to focus on other things for once.. I'm re-learning how to live a normal life.. Although anxiety provoking, and frustrating, and depressing sometimes.. It's amazing I get to now. I got the gift at a young enough age.. I dont' have to live the rest of my life the way I lived the first 15 years. I don't have to live in fear or the unkonwn about my diseases and I now know that seriously.. If you really want to do something.. You'll do it. You'll find a way. There is ALWAYS a way. No matter what it is. Now that doesn't mean it will come quickly. or easily. But theres always a way for whatever you want to happen, to happen.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the stars.
Have a great day. <3
-Ashley(:
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