This will probably be my final post.

It's been over two years since I've posted on this blog! Time flies. Wow.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I've started a new blog! I didn't consciously decide to stop writing here, it just kind of happened naturally for a number of reasons. (I'm just going to copy and paste a few of those reasons from my new blog because I'm lazy.)

For years (2011-2015) I kept a blog (OurFightNow) all about Childhood Obesity, Metabolic Syndrome, diet, exercise, and my experience having weight loss surgery as a 15 year old. To my knowledge, it’s still the only blog I’ve found talking about all of those issues from a teenagers perspective. At least as of 05/11/2017 when I’m writing this.

It’s now been 2 years since I’ve posted on that site, and while I’m still incredibly proud of the fact that I managed to keep that blog going so long- it was hard to upkeep. For numerous reasons… the most notable being:

1. I’m not a child or teenager anymore, and it didn’t feel right continuing to write under the pretense that it was from that perspective. I can still recount my experiences as a child, but it’s no longer coming from that frame of mind.
2. A large portion of that blog was in regards to weight loss surgery. I had a VSG in August 2011 and I’ve written the topic almost-dead. I don’t feel like I have anything else to say on the topic, at least for the time being.
3. Honestly? The blog was kind of cringe-worthy. There are a lot of errors (typo, and just general medical knowledge errors) that I made years ago that I SHOULD go back and fix, but the thought of doing so is extremely overwhelming at the moment.

So, I’ve decided to upgrade. I’m not 100% sure what all I’ll cover here. It’ll be similar health-related content, but I’m not going to pigeon-hole myself to only write about WLS/Metabolic Syndrome. To be honest, I’m not even 100% sure that Metabolic Syndrome is my be-all end-all diagnosis. (Currently being tested for Cushing’s Syndrome? We’ll see what happens with that…) So it doesn’t feel right to only write about those two things. This will be a journey for all of us.

So that's where I'm at now. 

My new blog is www.ashtrohealth.wordpress.com  if anyone is interested in checking it out! Other than that, you're still more than welcome to email/message me whenever you want! I still get comments and emails sometimes from people who read this blog and it always makes my day. I love being able to have an open discussion about these topics with people who understand or want to understand them.

My email is ashtrovert @ gmail . com & my Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter usernames are all ashtrovert as well! Feel free to get in contact whenever you'd like and I'd love to chat!

I hope you all are having a wonderful day and thank you all so much for following this blog.

-Ashley<3(: 

Stir-fry!

One advantage I had going into surgery and dieting in general is that I enjoy cooking. So it really shouldn't be a surprise that I like trying out new recipes/try making things a different way, etc.. it's all a trial and error process. I cook just about every single day. I go through phases with what I make for myself every day (aside from what I make for dinner a few nights a week for my whole family...) I usually get into a pattern and eat one meal until i get sick of it for lunch like every day, and then when I get sick of it i find a new one, and repeat and repeat and repeat... with different meals every few weeks/months.

What I'm obsessed with at the moment? Stir-fry. I've been hooked on it for a few months.. Even when I've fallen off Atkins and not done as well, this was still something i ate almost every single day for lunch. Full of whatever you want to put in it, so you can make it as healthy (or unhealthy) as you wish... although, this is a difficult meal to make unhealthy.. you just have to be careful with whatever sauces you use! I personally love teriyaki sauce, but I have to be really careful with how much I use because depending on the brand, one to two table spoons can have 2-3 carbs and it's easy to go overboard with sauces accidentally... I usually just use one tablespoon for a bit of flavor, because I like it but I don't like it overpowering everything else that I'm putting into it.

It's an easy dish to make, and there are hundreds of ways to make it and it's hard to mess up, however you do it... but i figured i'd show you guys how I make mine!

I start off with plenty of chopped vegetables. They make up the bulk of the meal. Use whatever you want. There are bags of frozen vegetables at the grocery store that are already pre-cut for stir fry which I have used in the past as well.. They usually consist of what I have in the picture. I just typically choose fresh vegetables because they cook a bit quicker and honestly I enjoy cutting them up. Haha. I'll cut a bunch up in bulk and store in a drawer in our fridge for my brothers and I to snack on all week, for me to make stir fry out of, or whatever else we come up with. The trick here though is to make sure things are relatively the same size.. or, that groups of things are relatively the same size (you'll see what I mean in a bit.. some things take longer to cook than others, regardless of the size, etc...)

As previously stated, you can put whatever you want in stir fry. There are numerous times I've left it at just vegetables... however I usually try to add a protein in there and my protein of choice is, has, and always will probably be chicken. It's just fast and easy to cook, easily accessible, easy to season, etc... Sometimes I  have leftover pre-cooked chicken already in the fridge from a meal earlier in the week, or sometimes i'll pre-cook chicken in bulk as well and keep it in the fridge for lunches throughout the week and I"ll just toss it in the pan to warm it up after the vegetables are almost done cooking.... but a lot of the time I Just have a bag of frozen chicken breasts/tenderloins/cutlets/etc... in the freezer that I use. I just take out one piece and put it in the microwave on defrost for a few minutes... Cut it up and season it and set it aside (because usually fresh carrots take longer to soften up than the amount of time it takes the chicken to cook.)

So now you have all of your vegetables, cut up chicken, oil for the pan (I usually use vegetable or extra virgin olive oil.. I've been experimenting with coconut and canola oil, but I'm not sold on any others at least for stir fry just yet.) I usually sprinkle some salt and pepper (and by some I mean a LOT of pepper... black pepper and I are best friends.) over the vegetables and chicken before hand. Then your set! Time to start cooking. Put a tablespoon or so of oil in a pan of your choice (I've been known to use a giant pot when I couldn't find a pan large enough to make enough for my whole family... no judgment here. use whatever you can find that will fit all of your ingredients.) Then get cooking!

I always start with carrots because for some reason fresh carrots take even longer than frozen carrots to cook. Sometimes i even add a tablespoon of water or so to the pan and put a lid on to steam them a little bit, to try and get them cooked quicker. After a couple minutes, I add in onion and cauliflower because at least for me, cauliflower takes longer to soften up than broccoli and chicken and i like onions to get a bit caramelized.. if you don't like that, then just toss them in later because they do soften up relatively quick. After a few minutes with the lid on, I toss in the peppers, broccoli, and chicken. I add my tablespoon or two of teriyaki sauce, a little more black pepper, and stir it up... then leave the lid on for a few minutes, occasionally lifting it up to stir it until everything is cooked through and softened up some, but still has a bit of a crunch to it.

which leaves you with... 

This! 

I consciously make more than I know my stomach can hold because I have three little brothers, and one parent (depending on which house I'm at) that always like to steal bites of my food which doesn't always leave me with very much. ;) But I don't think that looks too bad! (Spoiler: it was actually really good. Although I wish I had added more broccoli. That's my favorite bit.)

***

What do you all put in your stir-fry? Have you ever made it? Do you like it? What are your go-to quick meals for lunch or dinner? Let me know! Comment or let me know on Facebook! 

Also! Random, but I have a question for anyone who reads this blog.. and please answer it, because I need some input! --- Videos? Yes or no? If I made youtube videos talking about things I blog about, or cooking things I reference in blog posts... (Have I told you all about the sugar free low carb mini lemon cheesecakes I made the other day? No? Because those might be in my next food-related post... They were so good!) Would anyone be interested? Do you think there's a place for that? Let me know!

I hope you all are having an amazing day and I'll be back soon! Off to make some stir fry for lunch now...  :P

-Ashley<3

What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow?

I need to get out of the mindset that small choices/mistakes/decisions don't matter, because they do.

Sure, if you miss taking  a medication every once in awhile, or cheat on your diet and get ice cream occasionally, or something along those lines... That's relatively normal and as long as it's an occasional/accidental thing it's fine. But there are times I'll realize it's midnight, and I haven't taken my Metformin yet... even though I know I should, and I could without an issue seeing as I'd probably be awake for another hour or two and taking it a few hours off schedule is better than not taking it at all, I don't. I'll tell myself that it's too late, and I'll start up taking it regularly again the next day and that one missed dose won't kill me... And maybe it won't kill me, but it certainly hurts me. Because then I get into the habit if not taking it, and then when I do get back on it again the side effects take a few weeks to go away and it's discouraging.

Same applies to my low-carb diet. There are times I'm amazing with it, and other times where I'm like "Screw it, having a sandwich won't affect it.." but my body is really sensitive to carbs, and deep down I know the bread will. I guess I just am always hoping that suddenly things will be okay on their own, without medication, without excessive diet changes... but that's not going to happen. So yeah. I do need to pay attention to these decisions that I'm consciously making and just neglecting to acknowledge.

I became aware of this the other day. I spent like all day with my brother and mom at the Verizon store getting our phones upgraded (iPhone 6! Wooh!) but none of us had eaten much that day since we got up and basically went straight to the store, and my brother really wanted to go to waffle house... so we did. I actually hadn't been there since I was like 8 so I didn't know what they had (other than waffles, obviously.) But I almost ordered eggs and hash browns, or an egg and bacon sandwich, or something along those lines.. potatoes and bread are a no-go for me. And i realized i was trying to justify it to myself by saying that I had messed up the day before, and hadn't eaten anything that day already so TECHNICALLY if i only ate half the sandwich my carbs would still be under however many a day, or that I could eat whatever and just "start back up again tomorrow."

"Start back up again tomorrow." seems to be a pretty common phrase in my inner dialogue, here.

The problem with that is, that there's nothing to stop you from continuing to say that phrase. Once you get into a cycle of saying that to yourself there is no going back.

I would like to point out that I ended up getting a grilled chicken salad which was actually really good. (I've always been a fan of salads. I get them all the time. I'm not entirely sure why I was even leaning towards the sandwich or the hash browns in the first place? Subconsciously wanting what you know you can't/shouldn't have? Who knows.) But that's only because I had become increasingly aware over the past couple weeks that I was playing this mind-game with myself to somehow justify stupid decisions I knew I was making.

Same thing with my medications happened this morning. I woke up to get my brothers off to school at 7.. but then went back to bed and didn't really get up and consider myself "awake" until about 11. I figured it was almost lunch time, I'm supposed to take Metformin with breakfast, maybe I should just wait till dinner-- but I caught myself. I knew I'd be up till after midnight. There was absolutely no reason why I couldn't take it with my breakfast that I had at 11, and then again at 11 tonight with my "fourth meal" so to speak, since my schedule is later and I have to eat more frequently because of the size of my stomach to get enough food in, regardless of what diet I'm on. So I took it. I didn't like it, but I took it. And I felt better after I did.

There was a quote that stuck with me from Spongebob Squarepants, of all places. The dialogue was something along these lines:

Squidward: Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: What is today, but yesterdays tomorrow?

Obviously that's referring to work procrastination and tasks you need to get done and what not, but that also applies with what I'm dealing with here. I'm an awful procrastinator, and that's running over into my health too. I need to stop letting it.

It's something I think I've always known. Most of my life it was just second nature to make the right choice as far as food goes, and to take my medication because I had other people dictating it for me. I had parents who were relentless with having me take my blood sugar and take my Metformin when I was 8 years old. I need to be relentless with myself now. I don't know why I've suddenly stopped caring as much as I did even when I was 16/17. Maybe I'm just being really discouraged from this weight gain lately and I'm feeling like giving up, like what's the point.

Side note: I have awful anxiety issues. I went to psychologists and psychiatrists for years when I was younger and they only addressed what they thought was my depression. They did diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder, but they never did anything to help me treat it. I don't think I was ever depressed back in middle/high school. I think I was just so anxious that it was easier to shut down and not think about doing anything... which resulted in me doing nothing, which is why it gave off the impression that I was depressed... but I'm not a psychologist, obviously, I don't know their specific diagnosis criteria. I'm just saying that I'm a ridiculously anxious person and I have a habit of shutting down as opposed to over-thinking everything because there is no middle ground with me. I either shut down and pretend something doesn't exist, or i over-think and over-analyze every possible detail and scenario until it drives me insane. So to act like that doesn't play a part in this would be stupid. It definitely does, I'm just not sure what or how and I get irritated with any doctor that I've tried to talk to about it in recent years so I'm having trouble getting to the bottom of it. 

Bottom line is... I'm working on consciously making these decisions, things I've always done that have just been harder to do in the past year or so... I'm trying to stop justifying things that have no justification, things that I'm fully aware are going to hurt me in the long run. Taking my medication every day no matter how much I hate doing it as often as I have to, not "taking a bite" of one of my brothers snacks or meals that don't fit my diet plan... That one bite, or that one missed pill... Whatever I think it offers me in the short term is nothing compared to what doing the opposite will offer me in the long term, and I need to keep that in mind.

***

I hope you all are having a good day, and I'll be sure to check back in soon!

-Ashley<3(:

What I've Been Eating on Atkins!

I don't update this blog nearly enough, but now with the new year I'm trying to get back into it again. :) I was doing really well on the Atkins diet, but that all got messed up around the holidays (go figure!) Thankfully I didn't really gain any weight. (The few pounds I did gain, I lost when I had the flu the week after Christmas.. Which was a nightmare.) However, I want to start my weight loss again so I'm starting back on phase 1 of the Atkins Diet!

So here are some examples of what I've been eating the past few days! :)

The goal with the atkins diet in phase 1 is to keep your net carbs between 18 and 22 each day. I went to 23 and 24 on two days, however I don't think I actually consumed that many because I didn't finish  my salad one day, and I also didn't finish the chicken salad I ate the other day. So, I'm probably still between the 18 & 22 range. Regardless, I think I've been doing pretty well and thought I'd share it with you guys to hold myself accountable, while giving ideas to other people who may be in the same boat. :)

Hope you're all having a great day, and talk to you soon!

-Ashley<3(:

Atkins Diet Thoughts/Review

So about 6 weeks ago I had visited my endocrinologist, who suggested I start the Atkins diet (or a modified version of it) because I had gained weight doing the 5:2/fasting diet. I had went from 185 to 189, and once I started the Atkins diet, i got down to 185 then stalled for awhile, but now 6 weeks later (still on phase 1) I'm at about 178 lbs. I've lost almost 2 pounds a week.. Which is something that's never happened.. Even after having weight loss surgery, I went weeks at a time without losing whether it be because I wasn't on the medications I needed, or because I wasn't eating enough.. So I was shocked at how well this was working, and wondered why I hadn't tried it before.

I just saw her again a couple days ago, and despite the fact that after 4-6 weeks you're supposed to move to 'phase 2' of the diet, she agreed I could stay on phase 1 for another 6 weeks before moving up to see if I'll continue losing weight. Which is great for me!

I'd like to point out that in no way do I regret having weight loss surgery.. It's certainly a tool that's helping me right now.. I'm not hungry. I'm sure if I hadn't had surgery, I'd be very hungry on the diet I'm on now and it'd be much more difficult to stay on track with. But.. You know, everyone kind of assumes weight loss surgery is a cure all, and well, it isn't. I'm still on all the medications I was on pre-op. I still have Insulin Resistance, PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc.. and I understand most of my issues are probably not going away. I haven't lost one pound without working for it.. and that is never changing. I understand that now. So going into the Atkins diet, after so many other failed ones, I wasn't.. hoping for much.. I mean c'mon, I had 4/5th's of my stomach ripped out and I didn't lose weight without adding on or bumping up medications to control my metabolic issues. So I had no hope for this, but alas, I tried it anyway.. and it's working. Finally something's working. I genuinely couldn't be more thrilled.

My endocrin was a bit worried about my blood sugars going too low, or my electrolytes and what not.. But both were totally fine. She has me testing my ketones every morning, which are always okay on 'trace'. I hadn't been working out because I was a bit light headed and dizzy sometimes adjusting from 60 carbs a day to 20, but now that I've been on it a few weeks I'm adjusting and starting working out again with the '7 Minute Workout'.. However, I do have to modify it because I can't do regular push ups or anything that involves putting pressure on my wrists. Yay for tendinitis. Also I try to fit in half hour walks every day, but it's getting so freaking cold out.. That is one side effect, whether it be of my medications (I read somewhere that one I"m on has a side effect of 'inability to retain heat' is how they worded it..) or of the weight loss, that I'm generally always cold.. Even during the summer.. and it's supposed to freaking snow later this week. So.. I don't know how long the walks will last. I will certainly keep up the 7 minute workouts though, and maybe do it a couple times a day to make up for the lack of walking during the fall/winter.

As far as what I'm eating, here's a list of the staples in my diet:

• Turkey Products (turkey sausage, bacon, regular turkey, etc..)
• Grilled/baked chicken
• Shrimp and Fish (mostly Tilapia)
• Cheese (Primarily part-skim mozzarella and provolone)
• Vegetables (Lots of salads,, primarily iceberg and romaine lettuce, fresh broccoli, baby carrots, sugar snap peas, green beans, etc..)
• Atkins products (They're kind of pricey.. Occasionally I'll buy a box of their meal replacement bars or I get their frozen meals sometimes, which are actually really really good!)
• Low-carb yogurt (Carbmaster brand from Kroger only has 4 carbs in a serving.)

Occasionally I'll have some strawberries, half a banana, or half an apple, or something like that. However fruits aren't a big part of my diet in this phase. Too many carbs. It's usually only if my blood sugar is low or if I'm really craving something sweet.

Here's an example of what I'll eat in a day: 

I don't log my food every day, just because it's a bit of a hassle but occasionally I will just to make sure I'm staying on track, and this is generally about where I'm at. I still can't eat very much at one sitting because of the size of my stomach, but I make it work. 

My doctor basically wanted me to have under 20 net carbs a day, and a goal of 100 grams of protein.. not to worry about where my calories were at. So that's what I've been doing.

To clear up any confusion: 

Total Carbohydrates - Sugar Alcohol & Fiber = Net Carbs

So based on what I ate on the 20th, I only had 12 net carbs, and 95 grams of protein.. which to be fair, is one of my better days. I don't always get that high on protein, and there have been a few days where I slipped up on carbs. so I'm really pleased with myself on the days I do that well. :)

Overall, I'm really pleased with how this diet is going and if you're looking for one to start, or maybe you had surgery and you want something to jump-start weight loss again, this is definitely worth looking into.. Don't make any impulsive decisions without talking to your doctor first, though. <3

Anywho, I hope you're all having a fantastic day and I shall talk to you all again soon. :)

-Ashley<3

There is more than one way to go about this.

This is something I want to make clear to people... This blog isn't just about weight loss surgery for teenagers. That is one thing I chose to do to help me get healthier, among many many other decisions/tools I've used. That's just it, though. It was/is just a tool.

I post a lot of information about it, and my journey through it, because people deserve to know they have options, and when I was looking for information about it from a teenagers perspective, there was none. But! That is a personal decision.. I try to include information on a bunch of other things too...

I'm currently researching vegetarianism/veganism in people with metabolic conditions (IR, Diabetes, Thyroid issues, etc..), or people that have had weight loss surgery, etc.. To be able to put that information on here, along with going Gluten free diets. (because I've recently been in contact with a couple people post-op who have developed gluten in-tolerances  and because I know gluten free diets have been known to aid weight loss with or without the surgery tool.)

There are a hundred different ways to go about treating different health conditions/losing weight.. Not the same thing works for every person. You know? Some people need medications, others don't. Some decide to use surgery as a tool to lose weight, others don't. Some people find going vegetarian, gluten free, or extremely limiting their dietary intake to work. Not for everyone. Cleanses/fasts work for some people, but it doesn't for others. Some people don't need a lot of exercise to lose weight, others do. Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've gotten in.. well.. I don't want to say arguments, but.. debates.. I guess? With people who have come to the Facebook page I have for this site, or people who have emailed me.. Saying that I'm sending a negative message, trying to justify being obese, that I'm going about everything wrong and that all my doctors and my parents and everyone, myself included, is wrong. That I'm treating my condition wrong and that I"m going to die young because of what I put into my body medication-wise and that everything is bad and wrong wrong wrong.

I don't agree with this. Everyone assumes because I'm 17 that I don't know shit and people are taking advantage of me...

They'd never admit to it, but a couple doctors/nurses I've seen before I know have gotten slightly annoyed with me because I research everything and they weren't expecting to have to explain things to me more than they would for some other kids. I've gotten more than one opinion on how my health is being treated. I've seen so many doctors, it's ridiculous.

Just because I'm not vegan, or because I'm not on 100% organic foods, or because I'm not doing cleanses, etc.. Those aren't the reasons I got to be overweight, nor are they the reasons I'm not losing weight as fast as I'd like to be.

It's just how my body works. Have I tried extreme diets before? Are you kidding me? I've tried everything. Cutting out all processed foods, eating ONLY fruits & vegetables, I did try one or two cleanses before, I got as far as literally starving myself and only eating a small handful of baby carrots & half a banana every day... and I only ate those so I could continue taking medications without my blood sugar dropping and making me sick. I've been on medications, there was a period where I was off medications and my weight skyrocketed.

Diet isn't the only factor. Medications aren't the only factor. Exercise isn't the only factor. There are so many people who see things on different doctor related freaking television shows, that think they know everything... If that works for you, then great. That's fantastic, and I'm happy for you. And I hope maybe one day these extremely un-educated people will educate themselves and realize there is more than 1 way to go about everything. Including weight loss and treating metabolic conditions.

Every one's body is different.. Some people like to claim every one's body was created and works exactly the same, and if everyone did just *this this this this and this* everyone would be perfectly healthy and never get cancer and never develop diabetes and wouldn't be at risk for Alzheimer's and everyone would fucking live forever... And that just isn't the case.

If you're trying to lose weight, don't let anyone peg you into doing what they think is best. You need to figure it out for yourself. Get more than one opinion, and try more than one thing. Don't get discouraged. Eventually you will find what works for you, and the results will prove themselves.

I'm trying to get more and more of those options, and different things to try, ways to go about it, etc.. On my blog, because so far I've only really posted what I've done and what works for me.. But I know from experience there are 100's of ways to go about it all, and what works for me doesn't work for everyone.. Like I've said before, people need to be aware of their options & make educated decisions for themselves.

I hope every one's having a great day. <3 I'll post again soon. (:
-Ashley

How to stay motivated!

I've been stuck at 195 since May... MAY. I actually gained 12 pounds during the summer, but then I lost it once my meds were adjusted.. And I was back to 195, where I have remained since. It's now the first week of November.

Obviously, I've been frustrated. I've amped up my exercise, upped my water intake, and I'm seeing if this will help. Also it's questionable if I'm eating enough. So I've been emailing back & forth with my dietitian, trying to sort this out.

For a few months I just completely gave up. I'm able to maintain perfectly fine. But losing is an issue. I figured okay I'm stuck here forever but... I actually saw a post on a website called Tumblr that I get on regularly, about diet/exercise/etc... Then I discovered an entirely different side of the website, full of blogs full of motivation tips and diet/exercise tips and all sorts of stuff... I typically just got on that website to 'fangirl' over bands and youtubers that I'm probably a little too obsessed with, and to find quotes and stuff I liked and artsy stuff... But this threw me for a whirlwind.

I came to the realization that I'm back at square one. This surgery had already done what it's going to do for me... It was a huge jump start.. Not just the surgery, because that alone I don't think did much for me (other than being a HUGE reality check & gave me a much higher pain tolerance).. I mean, of course it helps me restrict how much I"m eating but... Ask any one that has ever been in my life, my family, any doctor I've seen in the past... My diet was never my problem. --- But the doctors I've met because of the surgery, and the medications that have been (Finally) orchestrated correctly, the other patients I've met, everything... I've learned a lot. But I'm back to square one. The only difference between now and 2 years ago when I was incapable of losing weight? I've seen it happen. I've seen it work. I've seen that my body is capable of weight loss, with the right combination of everything.. (drugs, diet, exercise, fluids, etc..)

Something is missing right now.. I'm not sure what. I see my Endocrinologist on the 7th, then dietitian and other people eon the bariatric team on the 13th.. So maybe they'll have some answers for me seeing as I've been logging my food religiously. Maybe that's part of it... Maybe my meds need adjusted, who knows.

Anyways, the point of this post is how do I stay motivated? Honestly... It's hard. It really is. But I've found a few things that really help.

1. I created another blog. A second tumblr (separate from my first one, because they're completely different topics.) to find and share things I find on there.. Different exercise ideas, diets, motivation tips, etc... I love updating this website, but there isn't much interaction with anyone... Where on tumblr there is a ton of interaction.. Tons of people blogging about the same thing and supporting each other  I can't go to the support groups my surgeon has because they're always at a time when i never have a ride... my family doesn't quite understand what i'm going through, and neither do any of my friends.. So this has been great for me. And while on there, I've found a few other things to help motivate me.

2. Logging. If I stay accountable to myself, it helps me keep on track. I log everything on myfitnesspal.com -- i always have been on & off with it but lately I've been religious. Logging exercise, fluids, and food.

3. Pictures!!! The desktop background for my laptop is this picture:

This picture helps remind me that I'm capable of getting to my goal weight (140lbs).. That it may take awhile, but I eventually CAN get there.I'm really proud of what I've accomplished so far,... I like this feeling. I want it to continue. -- the picture on the left is the ONLY close to full body picture I have of myself from my highest weight.. I was so ashamed of my body... But I'm SO glad I have it to reference .. Honestly. whenever I feel like I'm not losing anything or that i haven't accomplished anything, I can just look at my leg in that picture, then my leg in the second picture.. There is absolutely no denying the difference. 

4. I have my resistance band, 3 pound weights, and tape measure all right next to my door on the shelf in my room. Every time I turn my head, stand up, or walk in or out of my room I see it and it's a constant reminder to work out..

5. The biggest motivator the past few weeks? I saw an idea for this on tumblr, and created one of my own...

This is all on the back of my bedroom door. Every. Pound. Counts. It's something I have to keep reminding myself... Every pound is a little achievement that I work my ass off to lose. I highlighted every 5 pounds and put a heart on every 10 pounds.. Because they're even bigger achievements. Inspirational quotes, reminding myself to take my medications, drink water, etc... All of it. Every time I see it it's bright and obnoxious on my door (seeing as the rest of my room is white/brown/black/tan colored) and stands out and I feel guilty if I don't do what I need to do each day.. -- The satisfaction of being able to cross off a pound, but a big black X over it and tell myself that I will never see it again is absolutely amazing, and it's something I work for. That feeling is indescribable.

*******
So yeah. That's about all I got. Do you have any other motivation tips you want to share? Let me know!!! (: -- Hope everyone is having a great day & I'll update once I see all these doctors and figure out what's going on.

~Ashley

Ps: If you want to visit the tumblr I mentioned above, it's www.ashley887.tumblr.com (:

How much can I really eat?

Okay, so I'm attempting to post this from my iPhone. If I can do this, it will make my posts MUCH more frequent.. Haha. Anyways...

How much can I really eat? Doctors will tell you the estimate of how much you should be able to eat, and it's different with different surgeries. I had the VSG. I'm supposed to eat about a cup to a cup and a half (volume-wise) of food. Which is roughly right. But the density of the food matters. Salad? Yeah that's about right. Pure protein? Meat, cheese, etc... No. Not even close. -- my family does eat out quite frequently. Or carry out or whatever. We went out to eat the other day and I decided to use that opportunity to blog about a real life situation (with pictures). :p

(and right as I attempted to insert a picture on my phone, it crashed.. saying i need to install a new app to be able to do that. I may try it later.. So I know I can write drafts.. just no pictures. alright. :P)

Anyways.. Basically we went out to eat and I got what I usually get at that restaurant. A club-melt sandwich (which consists of turkey, bacon, tomato, and I think it's white cheddar cheese, on toast. and a side salad.. Salad is pointless for me to eat. It's nutrients it limited. It's basically just water, fills me up too much, whatever. But the sandwich comes with a side, and I really like salad. So I get it and just have a few bites of it and give the rest to my brothers who like it. So, this is how much of my meal I could eat:

(I used my hand to show you roughly how big the salad was)

Volume-wise.. it was maybe 1 1/4 cup of food that I ate. I picked off all the crust and a few little parts of the half to make it look like I ate a little more than I actually did to shut the waiter up (because yes, most times I go out they question if the food wasn't good or if I'd like something else or what not.. Haha) and I brought the other half home. 

I looked up the nutrition facts for this meal that I usually get because my family goes to this specific restaurant  pretty often... Turns out The sandwich alone has 56 grams of protein.. Half of that.. (minus some bread) is like 28 grams of protein. almost freaking 30 grams of protein. Half of what I'm supposed to get in a day. That isn't bad. At all. That's actually kind of amazing. The fat content isn't high, and calories/carbs are average.. And salad is basically nothing because I can only eat 3-4 bites of it, so.. yeah.

Some people seem to think after surgery you can't eat the same foods you used to.. I guess that depends on what you ate before surgery... If you're used to living off of fast food, eating entire bags of chips, little-no vegetables/fruits, fried things, etc... Then yeah. Probably not. You're physically capable of it, but doesn't that kind of ruin the point of having surgery? But if you have a relatively healthy diet? There is no reason you can't eat a normal meal at a restaurant. Obviously, less of it... But this is something I got pre-surgery too.. Except I ate it all. 

So yeah. That's about how much I can eat. I could eat a little more volume if I had more salad and less sandwich, but then I wouldn't get as much protein. (Which is something I've had issues getting enough in of, in the past.) It just depends on the density of what you're eating.

Alright! Hope you all have a good day and I'll update again soon. (: Bye.

-ashley

Article on Insulin Resistance 2

http://jcem.endojournals.org/content/89/6/2526.full

I strongly suggest anyone interested in the topic of Insulin Resistance, whether it be you're recently diagnosed, your child or a family member has it, or you're just purely interested in learning about IR; checks out this article. It's absolutely amazing.

I (surprisingly) understand most of the medical terms used. If you don't, feel free to Google them. But in all honesty, although the article is extremely long, it's completely worth reading if you want to learn about the medical side of IR (aside from the fact that you need to diet and exercise to control it). There is a lot more to it that most people don't realize.

I've been on a research kick lately, and I'm really glad I came across this.

Let me know what you think?

Alright, have a good day. (:

-Ashley.

I don't have a clue what to title this.

I've been debating on uploading this post for a long time... But in the end, it comes down to being honest. This is what I'm going through. I don't want to seem negative or whiny. I just need to vent. and for people who come here for informational purposes, I share my story because I wanted to know what it would be like for me, before I got myself into it... there was absolutely nothing online from the patients perspective.. and so I created this website, hoping to help others.. I've gotten messages from other teenagers thanking me for this blog, and what not.. so I'm not going to mislead anyone by only telling the positive things. So I'm going to continue this post. ---

I've been slacking on updates here, for numerous reasons..

1. I've gained weight. I'm confused. I'm not happy. I'm hormonal 90% of the time. I don't want to say something I'll regret saying later.

2. I haven't had the motivation. I get lots of ideas for posts, but I just never follow through.

3. I've been going to my mom's a lot more lately, and her Internet connection is ridiculously slow.

4. I'm waiting on information back from a few different doctors on why I'm having so many issues.

5. I'm trying desperately to enjoy my summer, because I didn't get to the past 2 years. And blogging on here makes it hard, because it reminds me of the negative stuff in my life right now.. Which I'm trying to spend the least amount of time possible, focusing on.

----------------------

So that's where I'm at. Let me elaborate...

At my appointment in May with my bariatric team, I was down to 197lbs. And I was super excited. I had broken the 200 mark. a huge goal for me. I was eating in between 600 & 800 calories a day. Exercising about an hour a day, getting 60+fl oz of sugar free fluids a day. and doing great.

I emailed my dietitian asking her how many calories I was supposed to be getting in a day, at 10 months out. Because I wasn't losing as quickly as they said I should be. so I wondered if maybe i wasn't eating enough, because I had that problem before. She said in between 1,000 & 1,200. So, I attempted to up my calories. I'm still barely averaging 1,000. It's hard! I have to remind myself to eat.. but I try to get enough in.

WELL. My endocrinologist upped my Metformin, from 500 2x a day to 850 2x a day, because my insulin levels were still really high. Then after about a week of that, I was having serious nausea.. and couldn't get ahold of anyone for whatever reason. So I just quit taking it. Stupid decision, I know. very stupid. Whether it was due to the metformin, or if it was just a stomach bug, i don't know. But it stopped after i quit taking it.

And that same week, I ran out of the birth control I was on (which wasn't strong enough anyway, breakthrough bleeding.) so I was off that too, no refills.

What some people don't understand is, i see SO many doctors. I have my endocrinologist, I have the nurse practitioner & dietitian tied in with the bariatric surgery, then I have my family doctor. And they don't communicate. Everyone has different ideas on what should be happening on me, and different confusion on why their expectations aren't happening. So I'm in the middle of it all, and it's extremely frustrating. I don't know who to listen to or what to do.

Sure enough, I gained 10 pounds. In literally 3 weeks.

the people tied in with bariatric surgery seem to think i don't even really need the metformin, or that i wont for very long.. BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M OFF OF IT.

Ugh...

So after lots of blood work was done by my endocrinologist, and it was determined that all of my blood work isn't any different than it was before, she thought maybe we just titrated too fast or something... and put me on 250 2x a day of metformin.. then 2 weeks later back on 500 2x a day.. and ordered in a new prescription for a stronger birth control.. which i was supposed to get the other day! but turns out, she ordered one that isn't even made anymore.... so I'm still on no birth control..

my mom is playing phone tag with the office trying to get ahold of her to figure out whats going on, and to ask her to order in one that is still made..?

In the mean time, I'm still exercising an hour a day. only getting in probably 800-900 calories a day, if that. I"m really moody and frustrated.

I have other teenagers that had surgery, added on facebook. And a few of them had surgery in the past 2 months.. and I'm just seeing their progress. and I'm happy for them.. but it also makes me.. mad at myself? because i didn't do as well as they are!

I mean recovery wise, i did better. but weight loss wise... One girl has already lost more than I have total, in less than 2 months. She started at a higher weight/bmi than i did.. but still.. it's disheartening.

I don't know what's wrong with me. All of these other people are off of their medications, and losing more. where I'm still on my meds, and not losing at all, and actually gaining.

they're eating more less-healthy things (I saw one girl talking about how she was eating burger king and ramen noodles), and still losing... (WTF?!), where I'm gaining.

Why am I so different?

--------------------------

My theory? Honestly? When I told the doctors at the bariatric center that my problem was not eating enough.. and that I had been dealing with this my entire life... That I never really ate poorly (obviously on occasion at holidays, but on a regular basis i followed strict diets).. I don't think they believed me.

Then they put me under the impression it would be a cure-all. That I would get off my medications, and because I could only eat so much volume-wise that I'd be okay if i followed a relatively healthy diet.

But that's just it... The restriction didn't change anything. Because I didn't eat enough in the first place. I had actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder (EDNOS) 1 year prior. But My entire life, i was on diets and exercise regimens.. I reinterate this ALL the time. But no one seems to believe me. Of course I slipped up sometimes, and resented it for awhile but.. all in all... I did as well as anyone can expect a kid to do, at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old, etc...

At my last appointment someone (I forget who or what title they were specifically) said I'd be able to get off of metformin... I wouldn't be on it forever.

But look at this. I've been on it since i was 7 years old. and I clearly still need it.

Nothings really changing.

I was under the impression things would change, but they aren't. for me, anyway.

All of these other people I see, who haven't had the same issues I've had since they were babies, that had surgery, are doing fantastic, and all of it is  working for them, but not me.

I literally have sat here and cried a few times, wondering why it's different for me. Why me. But then I realize I can't change it. and all I can do is do my est. Keep doing what I'm doing, and pray someone figures something out...

Honestly, one day I caught myself looking at pro-anorexica sites. which I've never done. I was just curious.. I saw these diets members had shared with each other... super low calorie and what not.. one diet was like "600 calories  a day" and it gave ideas on things and what not.. obviously it wasn't high in protein or whatever like my diet but.... I FREAKING EAT AROUND 600 CALORIES A DAY. these girls are skin and bones. and I'm still freaking obese after having my stomach cut out.

 I don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm extremely frustrated. This is the ONLY website online, for teenage bariatric surgery. I'm the only person out of a group of 30 or so people, that I know has had this issue.. (that I'm aware of. I haven't talked to absolutely everyone. but no one else has ever voiced their thoughts on this issue, either.)

So maybe it's just me. and I definitely DON'T want to persuade someone to not look into surgery, because they think it wont work for them. The only way to know is to talk to your doctor.

My advice, if you're looking into surgery right now? If restriction really isn't your problem.. If you have absolutely no problem with cheating on diets, and you exercise, and you're still not losing weight.. There may be something else going on.. that cutting out your stomach wont fix.

Maybe it'd be different with a mal-absorption procedure like RNY or DS... but, I had the VSG.. which doesn't have an intestinal component.. and this is where I'm at. what I'm dealing with.

Am I the only one dealing with this? Please for the love of god, if someone is reading this and has been through this, adult or teenager, please contact me on facebook or comment on here or email me or something... I would do just about anything to know I'm not the only defected human being with this issue.


I don't know. I Just don't know. I know I've said that like 20 times already, but I don't. It's honestly miserable. It's depressing. I had all these hopes that people instilled in me, that i saw in other patients.. and it's all come crashing down.

Obviously, I know I made a mistake by stopping the Metformin for 2 weeks. But good god. One doctor had told me I shouldn't even be on it. I wasn't 100% sure it would be that big of an issue.. but clearly it was.

I want the truth. I want to know what the hell is going on with my body. I want to know why things aren't working for me, the way they're working for other people.

I want to know why I'm becoming hypoglycemic. Literally as I was typing this, i was getting shaky. sure enough, my blood sugar was low. I just went and ate 2 slices of deli turkey, and a piece of string cheese and a few wheat saltine crackers, and I'm okay now.. but god.. I want to know why one doctor says i need metformin, but another says i don't.. I want to know why I"m eating less than most people, but still gaining weight. I don't understand it! I want answers!!

I"m like a minority, within a minority, within a minority.. By that I mean. I'm an obese teenager with serious heath issues that contribute. (1st minority) and within that, I had weight loss surgery, (2nd minority). then I'm having issues with the weight loss surgery. I"m not losing. (which would be the 3rd minority).

Ugh...

I'm at like 205 pounds now. eating about 700-800 calories a day. I can't physically eat more than that, without turning to junk like ice cream and cookies and stuff... Which I don't even really like! I don't have a sweet tooth. at all. So it's really hard to get in as many calories that my dietitian says I should be getting. I'm exercising an hour a day. resistance/weights & aerobics/cardio. getting enough fluids & protein. but nothings budging.

When I get some answers (If i get some answers) I'll get back to you all. I see the bariatric team again on August 9th. so maybe they'll have some suggestions. And I also see my endocrinologist on August 1st.. so maybe she will too.

But untill then, I feel uncomfortable blogging about surgical related things, because I'm not successful right now. And I don't want to lead anyone down the wrong path, by claiming otherwise. So I'll continue blogging, just more about the metabolic stuff (which is an area I've been slacking in, anyway.. this blog isn't just surgical. its about Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, thyroid issues, hormonal stuff, etc... as well. Anything that would die under the umbrella of "Metabolic Syndrome".).. not the surgical.

So. That's where I'm at right now. I'm going to end this here, and go to sleep.. Then probably go to the pool tomorrow, and just try to block this massive feeling of failure out of my head, until I can come up with something or a doctor can come up with something that will fix this. It's all I can do.

Seriously.. If you're a teenager that is actually reading this.. contact me on facebook or email me or something.. I'd love to know if someone is actually getting something from any of this. If you're a medical professional that is reading this, or someone with any knowledge on any topic that I cover here, and have ANY idea whatsoever of what could be going on with me that I could ask one of my doctors about, please let me know. I want to talk to people educated on the topic.. or that are going through what i am, or something similar. A support system is something that I'm lacking.

I hope you're having a good day (or at least a better one than I'm having) and I'll touch base, soon!

-Ashley

Chipotle!

Okay, seriously.. I never tried Chipotle before surgery. I eventually tried it around Christmas time, when me and my dad were out Christmas shopping.. He had had it before. and liked it. So he was glad when I said i wanted to try it. -- My best friend had been bugging me about it for everrrrr. So she was glad I did too.

I just got a chicken burrito bowl. with mild salsa cheese and sour cream and like 1/4th of it filled me up. and I didn't eat hardly any of the rice. amazing, right? And it was freaking delicious.. So.. I went home and went online.. Found their nutrition information.. and was surprised at how great it was for you..

I've since modified my order.. I ask for half the rice (even though they don't always do it.. I still ask) and extra chicken.. Sometimes I get lettuce, other times I don't. Then I always get a lot of fresh tomato salsa, sometimes I'll add on roasted chili corn salsa.. It's more spicy. (Spicy food is amazing. I'm so glad my sleeve can handle it.) then cheese and sour cream.

I can break it down into 3 full meals for me. And this is what it breaks down to be:

705 calories / 3 = 235

23.5 carbs /3 = 7.5

76.5 protein / 3 = 25.5

..........Did I do that right? 7.5 carbs and 25.5 grams of protein...? *Double Checks* yep... I did it right.

It's insane!!! Honestly. It tastes so good. and is such a good source of protein. And the total is like 7 or 8 dollars... for the bowl. Break that down to 3 meals... That's like $2.50 or something? Not bad. at all.

Definitely check it out. If you're into Mexican food, or trying new things, give it a shot. If your only a few months out from surgery I'd suggest getting the mild salsa, and if you like beans get pinto instead of black.. less spicy and easier on your stomach.

Have a great day. (:

-Ashley.

A great article about insulin resistance.

http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/prediabetesanddiabetes/a/insulinresistan.htm

I was just looking around and I found this.. It's one of the only articles I've found so far that explains it in, well, terms that are easier to understand... And that lists genetics as a big role in IR. So props to them. So I thought I'd share this. (:

Have a great day. <3

www.twitter.com/ashleyohara_ (don't forget the underscore)
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ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Tropical Smoothie!

I don't know who all has a tropical smoothie near them, but it's a smoothie place that there are a few of near me... I started going there when my cousin got mehooked when i was thirteen.. Well, I've always known they've made a handfull of their smoothies with splenda, if you ask... I've always been afraid to though, because the smoothies are kind ofe xpensive (like 4dollars..?) and i hate the taste of splenda...

But today, non the less, i decided to try one.. and it was a new type of smothie i had never tried before.. Normally I get sunrise sunset, which is strawberries, mango, orange, and pineapple.. today i got pineapple paradise,which is pineapple, orange, and banana..

i think i'm in love.... My famiy doesn't buy a lot of fruits and vegetables (fresh ones anyway... lots of canned and frozen ones) unless i am there to make sure it happens... i hate the grocery store.

So i crave freshfruits and vegetables all the time. I"ve always been a healthy eater.. always. I prefer salad over fries at resturaunts, etc... And the smoothies were always great. but higher-callories & sugar..

 they're massive too. they only have one size.. 24oz. so for four dollars, it isn't that bad.. especially considering now after surgery, I can only have 8oz at a time.

But anyways!! you can't taste the splenda at all!!!!! I was amazed. I had it a lot when i was younger to the point now that splenda just makes me sick... but the fruit overpowers it.. and theres only like 200 callories in the 24oz smoothie, instead of the 4-500 that were in with turbinado or whatever sweetner it was they use normally...

I'll pour out some into a cup, and stick the rest in a freezer for another time.. and with smoothies they'll thaw.. and beprettymuch the same consistency before... so it's not a waste.

loveloveloveloveloveloveloveittt<3

If you have a smoothie shop in your area that doesn't make smoothise with splenda, you could request they have it as an option.. it would give them some good rep, and healthier options for people including yourself.

Just a thought. (:

have a great day<3

-ashley(:

www.twitter.com/justashley1637
ashleyellen1637@aol.com

Dietary Guidelines for people with Insulin Resistance or Type 2 Diabetes.

My entire life I battled with Insulin Resistance.. In June 2011 I found out it had progressed to Type 2 Diabetes, and in August I had the VSG (Verticle Sleeve Gastrectomy) and since then it hasn't been too much of a struggle to control my blood sugars, as it was before.

But For fifteen years of my life.. Controlling my blood sugars, my weight, my blood pressure,all that... Was a daily part of my life.

I guess I thought I had tried every diet possible.. But I missed one big one.. High Protein. I realized this after I started going to my montly appointments pre-op at the Hospital where I had my surgery.. Why hadn't anyone ever told me about this? Or why didn't any of my past doctors reccomend it?

The endocrinologist i'm seeing now, well, thefirst appointment i ever had with her she sent the referral for weight loss surgery.. we never really discussed it. Although a dietitian there gave me a 'carb counters' book.. which honestly really helped meout.. i beleive its calorieking.com you can get one.

But yeah. So pre-op i was on a high protein-lowcarb diet.. like i am now, post op. And I can honestly tellyou, i feel so much better. I have so much more energy.. Its insane. 

I've come to realize how wrong the food pyarmid is for so many people.. Sure, if you have a ridiculously high metabolism you can handle 6-12 servings of grains/carbs a day.. but the average person? no. absolutely not. especially not someone with insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes..

So I figured I could modify the diet i'm on now.. if i had neverhad surgery? just be on a similar diet.. and i'd still see weight loss.. I had a 30 pound weight loss pre-surgery.. because i changed to this diet (and I was on a lot of medications that got changed.. that helped too.)

So here is what I was doing before I considered surgery:
**Not eating enough, causing my body to go into 'Starvation Mode'.
**Not enough protein, when I did eat.
**Not many vitamins.
**I was exersizing, however, because I was in 'Starvation Mode' it did absolutely nothing. I actually gained weight.
**Not enough fluids.

What I followed most of my life:
**45 carbs and sugars for a meal..
**15 for a snack..
**eat a vegetable and fruit with every meal, and no more than 2 snacks a day..
**only 2 'sweet treats' a week.. meaning a scoop of icecream or 2 or 3 cookies one night.. 
**1 hour of aerobics 5 days a week, aside from all the sports i already played.

Now?
**60+ grams of protein a day..
**64+oz of water/sf  liquids..
**I try to keep my carbs under 50 a day.
**Protein first. Eat all protein, then vegetables, then carbs last.
**I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago at the gym.. for awhile i was just wakling 10-20 minutes each day.. then i got my gym membership and sprained my ankle.. but i plan to go to the gym 40 minutes 3-4 days a week.. and walk 10-20 minutes the other days.

So.. I figure.. Why wouldn't a modified version of what I'm doing now, work for someone else who just has more of astomach than I do?

If your looking for anew diet to try.. maybe try something along the lines ofwhat i'm doing? Hers an idea of what I'm talking about"
**60-80+ grams of protein a day.
**64+ Sugar Free Fluids. (Water, SF Jello, SF popsicles, Crystal Light, Flavored Water, Diet Soda, etc..)
**4-5 small meals a day, rather than 3 big ones.. maybe keep carbs under 40 at each meal..? give or take alittle.
**It's okay to have something sweet once in awhile, a few times a week.. Just make sure you eat protein with it.. If you're going tohave a donut, or a cookie, or a piece of candy.. Have milk, or yogurt, or apiece of string cheese with it.. The sugar will hook onto the protein, and your blood sugar will not rise as much as it would without the protein.. Make sense?

So an ideal dinner: Maybe.. 6oz grilled chicken, a small side salad, and maybe half a cup of rice or pasta or something, and a glass of skim milk or water..  Eat chicken first, then salad, then if your not full, have some of the rice or whatever carb you choose to have with it.. or fruit even, before the carbs.

I did this for a few months before Surgery.. and I lost weight. Given, the higher dose of Metformin, starting Aldactone, and synthroid probably had something to do with it.. (Side Note: I'm off the aldactone andon half of the metformin i used to be on, now...) I think it helped. especially eating more frequetly rather than less.. My body didn't feel the need to cling onto every ounce of me, because i wasn't eating enough.. because i was eating more frequently..

I hope this makes sense.. I'm writing this out pretty quick.

I'll probably expand on this further, later on.This is just a quick post.. It came to mind when i was eating chipotle earlier today.. Haha. (:

Have a great day/night. (:

<3Ashley.

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(: