Surgery Update! 18 months post-op.

Okay... I've been really bad at updating this lately. I'll try to get back into it, I promise! Haha.

I'll be 18 months post-op (VSG) in a week or two. I have my 18month follow-up appointment on February 21st. It's been a crazy year and a half... things are constantly changing.

My medications have changed a lot, a bunch of different times, after surgery. Weight wise, I go through stalls like every month.. but then i drop five pounds then i go through another stall.. Which I guess I'm okay with. It's better than nothing. I'm glad i'm still losing, because for awhile right after surgery I didn't lose anything because of medication issues.

Highest weight ever: 285lbs in 2010.
Weight on day of surgery: (08-19-2011) 250lbs
Weight today: (2-7-13) 185lbs.

So, I've lost 100lbs. Some of that pre-surgery, some post-op.. I'm not at my goal weight yet. I still have 40 pounds or so to go. I really hope I get there, asap. I've been working for this so long, I just really want to be there.

I don't want my life to focus around the number on the scale, so I try not to focus on that too much anymore.. Because I am healthier than I have been in a long time. But it's hard not to, when my entire life up until this point has been focused around my weight.

I'm having more issues eating lately, than I did originally post-op. I typically always avoid sugar/fat. Or I try to. I've never liked it. I was never allowed much sugar when I was younger, so I've always been in this mental state that sugar is bad. So the idea of even taking a sip of a regular coke, or a bite of a cookie, makes me sick to my stomach.. Therefor I never actually want to do that.

The only things that go over well 100% are fruits and vegetables, which sucks, because those don't have much protein. I have greek yogurt a lot, different cheeses.. skim milk (1% & 2% make me feel sick). Dairy is okay.. sometimes. But there are sometimes it doesn't sit well with me either. Meat-wise, shrimp usually goes over okay.. Deli meat can, like, sliced turkey or ham or chicken? Salami is okay usually. but more dense things don't anymore. It's hard for me to eat steak or a roast or something... Pork has never gone over well. At all. I can't go near pork anymore, haha.

So, I manage. It's just hard, because some days I can eat more than others, and some days certain foods sit well when the next day those same foods won't. So a lot of the time I end up feeling sick, because it's constantly changing.

One day I could eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, greek yogurt and fruit for a snack, a couple oz of deli meat and carrots and ranch dressing for lunch, string cheese and some turkey pepperoni for a snack, and then have a small, or half of a burger (no bun, lean meat, homemade) with cheese and a small salad for dinner.. (total volume never reaching over 8-12oz for the most part)

Where the next day I'd feel absolutely terrible if I tried greek yogurt, or a bowl of cereal. Where I don't want to go near a burger, and the only thing I'm able to get down is a cup or two of vegetable soup and a few pieces of pineapple. One or two slices of deli-meat, if I'm lucky... That's all day.

It's confusing, and I don't know why it's like that. No one can seem to explain it. I asked my endocrinologist yesterday when I went for a follow-up, and she gave me a prescription for Prevacid to see if that may help.. So we'll see. But if it doesn't I'll probably end up with a referral to GI (actually, I think she ordered one anyway.... I'm not sure. I'll have to double check that.)

But regardless, I've been doing my best. Some days I don't get enough protein because of it. But I'm doing what I can. I really don't like eating though...

My hunger still hasn't returned since surgery. None. I have to remind myself to eat. I guess there could be worse situations to be in....

Medication wise, I'm on 75mcg Synthroid for my thyroid.. 1000mg Metformin 2x day for Insulin Resistance, and 50mg Aldactone 2x a day for hormones/blood pressure/diuretic purposes. and Ogestrel birth control for PCOS. I take a Multivitamin 2x a day, and Calcium citrate twice a day as well. I'm terrible with taking a separate vitamin D, but there is 800ui of Vitamin D in the calcium citrate i take, and my blood work seems to consistently come back just great vitamin-wise, so I'm not too worried about that...

Exercise wise, I'm doing good. (: In the post I made about motivation a couple weeks (months?) ago I mentioned a Tumblr I made for motivation, and I've found a lot of great exercise ideas on there. Different routines people have came up with, songs to exercise to, etc.. That are much more interesting to try than doing the same thing over and over again each day.

I really want to build up more muscle that I'm sure I lost. I used to be an athlete. I played a bunch of sports, danced, and had a lot of muscle.. My legs still do. but I'm not nearly as strong anywhere else, so I've been doing a lot with my resistance band. I only have 1 & 3lb weights right now. I want to get 5lb & 10lb weights. When I get some more money, we'll see. (:

I also made a playlist on YouTube of videos I found that have exercise routines.. The Livestrong YouTube channel has a ton!!

Overall, I think everything is going alright. I know it goes a lot worse for some people, so I'm okay with all of this. Nothing is easy. I'm used to this. It feels better knowing I'm working harder for the weight loss.. The chances are better that it will stay off because it's coming off slower, and I feel better about it... Because it has not been an easy fix like a lot of people say. I don't even like the word fix. Because it didn't fix anything. It's helped. But nothings fixed entirely. but I'm okay with that.

I just have to accept the fact that nothing comes easy, and I need to keep working harder and harder as time goes on, to get to where I want to get to.

I hope every one's having a great day, and I'll talk to you all soon!

Talk to me on Facebook or Twitter or Email me or something!!!! I'd love to talk to some more people. (:

Bye<3
-Ashley(:

Success Story Video!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=MrMUr67pVY8



Back in September (2012) I was asked to take part in a Success Story type video for the Surgical Weightloss Program for Teens at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, where I had the VSG back in August 2011... So, of course I agreed.

I wasn't at my goal weight then, and I'm not now. So I had a hard time understanding why they wanted me as a success story. But, my reasoning behind it is that I AM a lot healthier now, than I was before.. I have lost 100lbs (including what I lost pre-op) and I did everything they said/asked. So in that sense, the fact that it has benefited me and continues to benefit me every day, would be considered success.. Right?

So yeah, that's that. Watch it if you want. (: Let me know what you think.

Have a great day!

-Ashley<3

(Also, here is the hospitals FAQ & the programs promo video that were uploaded that I'm in briefly, as well!!)

FAQ: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naTFOlSnbRE (This video is just basically the bariatric team at the hospital I go to answering frequently asked questions about surgery, the program for teenagers, etc...)

Promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUlWh0hRuuA (This video gives some more information on the program, and how surgery has helped me & a couple other people with our lives. I got really excited when I first saw it because they included my tattoo in it... Haha (: )

How to stay motivated!

I've been stuck at 195 since May... MAY. I actually gained 12 pounds during the summer, but then I lost it once my meds were adjusted.. And I was back to 195, where I have remained since. It's now the first week of November.

Obviously, I've been frustrated. I've amped up my exercise, upped my water intake, and I'm seeing if this will help. Also it's questionable if I'm eating enough. So I've been emailing back & forth with my dietitian, trying to sort this out.

For a few months I just completely gave up. I'm able to maintain perfectly fine. But losing is an issue. I figured okay I'm stuck here forever but... I actually saw a post on a website called Tumblr that I get on regularly, about diet/exercise/etc... Then I discovered an entirely different side of the website, full of blogs full of motivation tips and diet/exercise tips and all sorts of stuff... I typically just got on that website to 'fangirl' over bands and youtubers that I'm probably a little too obsessed with, and to find quotes and stuff I liked and artsy stuff... But this threw me for a whirlwind.

I came to the realization that I'm back at square one. This surgery had already done what it's going to do for me... It was a huge jump start.. Not just the surgery, because that alone I don't think did much for me (other than being a HUGE reality check & gave me a much higher pain tolerance).. I mean, of course it helps me restrict how much I"m eating but... Ask any one that has ever been in my life, my family, any doctor I've seen in the past... My diet was never my problem. --- But the doctors I've met because of the surgery, and the medications that have been (Finally) orchestrated correctly, the other patients I've met, everything... I've learned a lot. But I'm back to square one. The only difference between now and 2 years ago when I was incapable of losing weight? I've seen it happen. I've seen it work. I've seen that my body is capable of weight loss, with the right combination of everything.. (drugs, diet, exercise, fluids, etc..)

Something is missing right now.. I'm not sure what. I see my Endocrinologist on the 7th, then dietitian and other people eon the bariatric team on the 13th.. So maybe they'll have some answers for me seeing as I've been logging my food religiously. Maybe that's part of it... Maybe my meds need adjusted, who knows.

Anyways, the point of this post is how do I stay motivated? Honestly... It's hard. It really is. But I've found a few things that really help.

1. I created another blog. A second tumblr (separate from my first one, because they're completely different topics.) to find and share things I find on there.. Different exercise ideas, diets, motivation tips, etc... I love updating this website, but there isn't much interaction with anyone... Where on tumblr there is a ton of interaction.. Tons of people blogging about the same thing and supporting each other  I can't go to the support groups my surgeon has because they're always at a time when i never have a ride... my family doesn't quite understand what i'm going through, and neither do any of my friends.. So this has been great for me. And while on there, I've found a few other things to help motivate me.

2. Logging. If I stay accountable to myself, it helps me keep on track. I log everything on myfitnesspal.com -- i always have been on & off with it but lately I've been religious. Logging exercise, fluids, and food.

3. Pictures!!! The desktop background for my laptop is this picture:

This picture helps remind me that I'm capable of getting to my goal weight (140lbs).. That it may take awhile, but I eventually CAN get there.I'm really proud of what I've accomplished so far,... I like this feeling. I want it to continue. -- the picture on the left is the ONLY close to full body picture I have of myself from my highest weight.. I was so ashamed of my body... But I'm SO glad I have it to reference .. Honestly. whenever I feel like I'm not losing anything or that i haven't accomplished anything, I can just look at my leg in that picture, then my leg in the second picture.. There is absolutely no denying the difference. 

4. I have my resistance band, 3 pound weights, and tape measure all right next to my door on the shelf in my room. Every time I turn my head, stand up, or walk in or out of my room I see it and it's a constant reminder to work out..

5. The biggest motivator the past few weeks? I saw an idea for this on tumblr, and created one of my own...

This is all on the back of my bedroom door. Every. Pound. Counts. It's something I have to keep reminding myself... Every pound is a little achievement that I work my ass off to lose. I highlighted every 5 pounds and put a heart on every 10 pounds.. Because they're even bigger achievements. Inspirational quotes, reminding myself to take my medications, drink water, etc... All of it. Every time I see it it's bright and obnoxious on my door (seeing as the rest of my room is white/brown/black/tan colored) and stands out and I feel guilty if I don't do what I need to do each day.. -- The satisfaction of being able to cross off a pound, but a big black X over it and tell myself that I will never see it again is absolutely amazing, and it's something I work for. That feeling is indescribable.

*******
So yeah. That's about all I got. Do you have any other motivation tips you want to share? Let me know!!! (: -- Hope everyone is having a great day & I'll update once I see all these doctors and figure out what's going on.

~Ashley

Ps: If you want to visit the tumblr I mentioned above, it's www.ashley887.tumblr.com (:

Live life to the fullest.

I've used this summer to really get myself on track.. With doctors and exercise and what not.. I'm still having extremely slow weight loss.. But you know what? I'm tired of my life revolving around my weight. It always has. Ever since I was 2-3 years old. My weight doesn't define me. Or it shouldn't, anyway. Some people like to make it seem like it does but.. It doesn't.

I've realized that when making such a huge life change, whether it be surgery or other health issues or even not health related.. a break up/divorce, moving, switching schools, anything.. It's really important to take care of yourself.. Not just eating right and exercising.

Along this journey I've met a lot of people that I probably would have never met, otherwise. Not just people from a support group or certain doctors.. But real friends. I've always had issues making friends.. But when I became confident in my doctors helping me get healthy, I became more confident in myself.. I've found myself doing things I never thought I'd do before.. Or things I wanted to do, but couldn't.

I lost a lot of friends over this journey.. But I've gained so many more, and they don't even realize that most my life has revolved around this kind of stuff.. They take me at face value. For me.

It's an amazing feeling.

Not just that, but I've started taking better care of myself.. I've always had social anxiety issues. But I've been applying for jobs, doing volunteer work, and all sorts of stuff...I would always sleep in the living room on the couch because I felt claustrophobic in my room. I had no motivation to clean it, ever. You couldn't walk 2 feet into it without tripping and risking death.. I cleaned it. I have a bed in there now (I didn't before.. my friend had broke it and i never put a new one in.)

I don't live on the computer anymore. I've been lazy and put off getting my license, but I'm almost finished with drivers ed. (:

It's just.. It's an overall positive thing, and I want everyone to experience it. It's an amazing thing.

No matter what big change you're going through, whether it be surgery/health stuff like mine, or a divorce/breakup, or switching schools.. or anything.. Remember to take care of yourself. If you get yourself stuck in a rut, you can get yourself out.

I've quit spending money on clothes. It's not worth it. I wear baggy clothes, and I go to concerts. I enjoy creating memories for myself because I blocked so much of my life out.. I call up old friends, go to an arcade.. go on a late night run to Sonic just to catch up with someone.. This is the first real summer I think I've ever had... That wasn't revolved around my health,.. or where I wasn't too depressed to leave the house.

There's so much more... Just.. I had an amazing summer. It was the first time I've really had to take care of myself and just have a good time. If you don't find things to make yourself happy, you won't be happy. Do things you enjoy. Life is short!

I guess the point of this is.... I'm healthier. I'm still in the process of losing weight but... To be honest..? I've only weighed myself maybe 3 or 4 times this summer, vs every week.. My weight doesn't define me and my life doesn't revolve around it. Of course it's still a huge goal of mine to continue losing weight, but there is more to my life than just that. My quality of life is so much better.. not only did I take it into my own hands to get physically healthier by having this surgery.. But I took it into my own hands to not be a hermit. To not hide in my room anymore. To enjoy life. I'm tired of wasting time.

It's an extremely empowering feeling knowing that you've done so much for yourself.. That you've changed so much.. When you realize how far you've come..

No matter what change you're dealing with in your life, remember to take care of yourself.. and make yourself happy. This is the only life you get. Make the most of it.

Have a great day!!

-Ashley.

Here are some pictures from my summer, things I've done.. Things I'll never forget. (Warning: Lots of pictures.. Making this post a lot longer than necessary.)

bowling. (:

 

Went to the pool a TON this summer.. I got a tan for the first time since i was like 12.. haha

 

Went to the Lego store in Cincinnati for my brothers 9th birthday. (:

 

Made home-made cherry pie (and lots of other stuff) for the 4th of July. I bake a lot.. ha ha

 

Went to coney island (waterpark/amusementpark) on my dads week off! went canoeing for the first time in years.. I've always loved it. <3 haha

 

warped tour!!!! I was going to use a picture of one of my favorite bands but this one kind of helps you visualize just how huge it was.. and this was only 1 of the 8 or 9 stages.. :P

 

went fishing. (: i didn't catch anything but 2/3 of my brothers did!

 

I kind of have a thing for campfires.. :P I had to have at least 6 or 7 this summer..

 

Went to MI to see a few of my favorite bands.. Eyes on the sky, at long last, paradise fears, ashland high (trace cyrus.. yes, mileys brother.) and FTSK.

 

Here's my picture with Trace. He was so sweet. I got pictures with pretty much every other person there too but this picture list is already long as-is.. add me on facebook if you wanna see the rest, haha.

 

Went to an arcade place with one of my best friends for my 17th birthday.. I've known her since i was 5. Haven't seen her much the past few years until recently..  reconnecting with old friends is an amazing thing.

 

Saw Paradise Fears for the 3rd time this year.. at a house party they did in Grafton, OH. These 6 guys (and the friends i've made through them) are the only people who have left me with any hope in the human race. They are some of the most accepting people I have ever met.. I couldn't be more thrilled that I've got to spend as much time with them as I have. (:

 

This is my picture with Marcus (the bassist in PF). We (me and like 15 other people) sat and talked with them all for like 4 hours around a bonfire.. It was an amazing night. Too many pictures to post at once, though. This was honestly a night I'll never forget.. I made a bunch of new friends (that i don't want to post pictures of.. I don't know if they'd be cool with it.) that i would have never met otherwise.. I've only known them a week but i feel as if I've known them my entire life.. Music brings people together in an amazing way.. I love it.

 

Me & Tara. The girl I typically go to all these concerts with. (: it's all smokey because of the bonfire. haha.

 

Went to a big sunflower patch to take some senior pictures for my friend, because her photographer wasn't available.. we ended up setting a timer and taking some of both of us.. (:

 

All in all my summer was absolutely amazing.. This wasn't even half of what I wanted to post but this is already way too long as is so I'm going to shut up now..

 

Before I go? That band I keep seing? Paradise Fears? They did a cover of a song by Gym Class Heroes that is kind of amazing... their originals are fantastic but the video for this cover... you should watch it.. all the way through. Seriously.. It will give you hope in humanity.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf4YPpOQMGc

 

 

Alright! Bye (:

 

 

 

 

I don't have a clue what to title this.

I've been debating on uploading this post for a long time... But in the end, it comes down to being honest. This is what I'm going through. I don't want to seem negative or whiny. I just need to vent. and for people who come here for informational purposes, I share my story because I wanted to know what it would be like for me, before I got myself into it... there was absolutely nothing online from the patients perspective.. and so I created this website, hoping to help others.. I've gotten messages from other teenagers thanking me for this blog, and what not.. so I'm not going to mislead anyone by only telling the positive things. So I'm going to continue this post. ---

I've been slacking on updates here, for numerous reasons..

1. I've gained weight. I'm confused. I'm not happy. I'm hormonal 90% of the time. I don't want to say something I'll regret saying later.

2. I haven't had the motivation. I get lots of ideas for posts, but I just never follow through.

3. I've been going to my mom's a lot more lately, and her Internet connection is ridiculously slow.

4. I'm waiting on information back from a few different doctors on why I'm having so many issues.

5. I'm trying desperately to enjoy my summer, because I didn't get to the past 2 years. And blogging on here makes it hard, because it reminds me of the negative stuff in my life right now.. Which I'm trying to spend the least amount of time possible, focusing on.

----------------------

So that's where I'm at. Let me elaborate...

At my appointment in May with my bariatric team, I was down to 197lbs. And I was super excited. I had broken the 200 mark. a huge goal for me. I was eating in between 600 & 800 calories a day. Exercising about an hour a day, getting 60+fl oz of sugar free fluids a day. and doing great.

I emailed my dietitian asking her how many calories I was supposed to be getting in a day, at 10 months out. Because I wasn't losing as quickly as they said I should be. so I wondered if maybe i wasn't eating enough, because I had that problem before. She said in between 1,000 & 1,200. So, I attempted to up my calories. I'm still barely averaging 1,000. It's hard! I have to remind myself to eat.. but I try to get enough in.

WELL. My endocrinologist upped my Metformin, from 500 2x a day to 850 2x a day, because my insulin levels were still really high. Then after about a week of that, I was having serious nausea.. and couldn't get ahold of anyone for whatever reason. So I just quit taking it. Stupid decision, I know. very stupid. Whether it was due to the metformin, or if it was just a stomach bug, i don't know. But it stopped after i quit taking it.

And that same week, I ran out of the birth control I was on (which wasn't strong enough anyway, breakthrough bleeding.) so I was off that too, no refills.

What some people don't understand is, i see SO many doctors. I have my endocrinologist, I have the nurse practitioner & dietitian tied in with the bariatric surgery, then I have my family doctor. And they don't communicate. Everyone has different ideas on what should be happening on me, and different confusion on why their expectations aren't happening. So I'm in the middle of it all, and it's extremely frustrating. I don't know who to listen to or what to do.

Sure enough, I gained 10 pounds. In literally 3 weeks.

the people tied in with bariatric surgery seem to think i don't even really need the metformin, or that i wont for very long.. BUT LOOK WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M OFF OF IT.

Ugh...

So after lots of blood work was done by my endocrinologist, and it was determined that all of my blood work isn't any different than it was before, she thought maybe we just titrated too fast or something... and put me on 250 2x a day of metformin.. then 2 weeks later back on 500 2x a day.. and ordered in a new prescription for a stronger birth control.. which i was supposed to get the other day! but turns out, she ordered one that isn't even made anymore.... so I'm still on no birth control..

my mom is playing phone tag with the office trying to get ahold of her to figure out whats going on, and to ask her to order in one that is still made..?

In the mean time, I'm still exercising an hour a day. only getting in probably 800-900 calories a day, if that. I"m really moody and frustrated.

I have other teenagers that had surgery, added on facebook. And a few of them had surgery in the past 2 months.. and I'm just seeing their progress. and I'm happy for them.. but it also makes me.. mad at myself? because i didn't do as well as they are!

I mean recovery wise, i did better. but weight loss wise... One girl has already lost more than I have total, in less than 2 months. She started at a higher weight/bmi than i did.. but still.. it's disheartening.

I don't know what's wrong with me. All of these other people are off of their medications, and losing more. where I'm still on my meds, and not losing at all, and actually gaining.

they're eating more less-healthy things (I saw one girl talking about how she was eating burger king and ramen noodles), and still losing... (WTF?!), where I'm gaining.

Why am I so different?

--------------------------

My theory? Honestly? When I told the doctors at the bariatric center that my problem was not eating enough.. and that I had been dealing with this my entire life... That I never really ate poorly (obviously on occasion at holidays, but on a regular basis i followed strict diets).. I don't think they believed me.

Then they put me under the impression it would be a cure-all. That I would get off my medications, and because I could only eat so much volume-wise that I'd be okay if i followed a relatively healthy diet.

But that's just it... The restriction didn't change anything. Because I didn't eat enough in the first place. I had actually been diagnosed with an eating disorder (EDNOS) 1 year prior. But My entire life, i was on diets and exercise regimens.. I reinterate this ALL the time. But no one seems to believe me. Of course I slipped up sometimes, and resented it for awhile but.. all in all... I did as well as anyone can expect a kid to do, at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old, etc...

At my last appointment someone (I forget who or what title they were specifically) said I'd be able to get off of metformin... I wouldn't be on it forever.

But look at this. I've been on it since i was 7 years old. and I clearly still need it.

Nothings really changing.

I was under the impression things would change, but they aren't. for me, anyway.

All of these other people I see, who haven't had the same issues I've had since they were babies, that had surgery, are doing fantastic, and all of it is  working for them, but not me.

I literally have sat here and cried a few times, wondering why it's different for me. Why me. But then I realize I can't change it. and all I can do is do my est. Keep doing what I'm doing, and pray someone figures something out...

Honestly, one day I caught myself looking at pro-anorexica sites. which I've never done. I was just curious.. I saw these diets members had shared with each other... super low calorie and what not.. one diet was like "600 calories  a day" and it gave ideas on things and what not.. obviously it wasn't high in protein or whatever like my diet but.... I FREAKING EAT AROUND 600 CALORIES A DAY. these girls are skin and bones. and I'm still freaking obese after having my stomach cut out.

 I don't know. I don't know what to think. I'm extremely frustrated. This is the ONLY website online, for teenage bariatric surgery. I'm the only person out of a group of 30 or so people, that I know has had this issue.. (that I'm aware of. I haven't talked to absolutely everyone. but no one else has ever voiced their thoughts on this issue, either.)

So maybe it's just me. and I definitely DON'T want to persuade someone to not look into surgery, because they think it wont work for them. The only way to know is to talk to your doctor.

My advice, if you're looking into surgery right now? If restriction really isn't your problem.. If you have absolutely no problem with cheating on diets, and you exercise, and you're still not losing weight.. There may be something else going on.. that cutting out your stomach wont fix.

Maybe it'd be different with a mal-absorption procedure like RNY or DS... but, I had the VSG.. which doesn't have an intestinal component.. and this is where I'm at. what I'm dealing with.

Am I the only one dealing with this? Please for the love of god, if someone is reading this and has been through this, adult or teenager, please contact me on facebook or comment on here or email me or something... I would do just about anything to know I'm not the only defected human being with this issue.


I don't know. I Just don't know. I know I've said that like 20 times already, but I don't. It's honestly miserable. It's depressing. I had all these hopes that people instilled in me, that i saw in other patients.. and it's all come crashing down.

Obviously, I know I made a mistake by stopping the Metformin for 2 weeks. But good god. One doctor had told me I shouldn't even be on it. I wasn't 100% sure it would be that big of an issue.. but clearly it was.

I want the truth. I want to know what the hell is going on with my body. I want to know why things aren't working for me, the way they're working for other people.

I want to know why I'm becoming hypoglycemic. Literally as I was typing this, i was getting shaky. sure enough, my blood sugar was low. I just went and ate 2 slices of deli turkey, and a piece of string cheese and a few wheat saltine crackers, and I'm okay now.. but god.. I want to know why one doctor says i need metformin, but another says i don't.. I want to know why I"m eating less than most people, but still gaining weight. I don't understand it! I want answers!!

I"m like a minority, within a minority, within a minority.. By that I mean. I'm an obese teenager with serious heath issues that contribute. (1st minority) and within that, I had weight loss surgery, (2nd minority). then I'm having issues with the weight loss surgery. I"m not losing. (which would be the 3rd minority).

Ugh...

I'm at like 205 pounds now. eating about 700-800 calories a day. I can't physically eat more than that, without turning to junk like ice cream and cookies and stuff... Which I don't even really like! I don't have a sweet tooth. at all. So it's really hard to get in as many calories that my dietitian says I should be getting. I'm exercising an hour a day. resistance/weights & aerobics/cardio. getting enough fluids & protein. but nothings budging.

When I get some answers (If i get some answers) I'll get back to you all. I see the bariatric team again on August 9th. so maybe they'll have some suggestions. And I also see my endocrinologist on August 1st.. so maybe she will too.

But untill then, I feel uncomfortable blogging about surgical related things, because I'm not successful right now. And I don't want to lead anyone down the wrong path, by claiming otherwise. So I'll continue blogging, just more about the metabolic stuff (which is an area I've been slacking in, anyway.. this blog isn't just surgical. its about Insulin Resistance, Diabetes, thyroid issues, hormonal stuff, etc... as well. Anything that would die under the umbrella of "Metabolic Syndrome".).. not the surgical.

So. That's where I'm at right now. I'm going to end this here, and go to sleep.. Then probably go to the pool tomorrow, and just try to block this massive feeling of failure out of my head, until I can come up with something or a doctor can come up with something that will fix this. It's all I can do.

Seriously.. If you're a teenager that is actually reading this.. contact me on facebook or email me or something.. I'd love to know if someone is actually getting something from any of this. If you're a medical professional that is reading this, or someone with any knowledge on any topic that I cover here, and have ANY idea whatsoever of what could be going on with me that I could ask one of my doctors about, please let me know. I want to talk to people educated on the topic.. or that are going through what i am, or something similar. A support system is something that I'm lacking.

I hope you're having a good day (or at least a better one than I'm having) and I'll touch base, soon!

-Ashley

Exersize Regimen as of 6-26-2012 (10month post-op)

Exercise is a huge part before/after surgery. I suggest you get into a decent exercise regimen before surgery, even if it's just walking. I've always been a really active person... I played lots of sports, did dance, swimming, etc.. And I have no doubt that is partially why recovery from surgery was so easy for me. In the months leading up to surgery, mostly I just walked and swam. I did a little big of strength training, but not much. I never really enjoyed exercising. Swimming I loved, and still love, because you don't really feel like you're exercising. Growing up I was forced to do Richard Simmons exercise tapes.. At 7 years old. I resented my mother so much for it. And jogging and all that.. Aside from how active i was in dance/sports. Because That was stop/start a lot of the time. & I had to do an hour solid aerobics 5-6 days a week.. Which I know helped me. And I thank her for that. But still. It wasn't fun. -- But. again, I think it's what's made it easier for me now.

Now I actually enjoy exercise. Because I've seen results for the first time in my life, because of the surgery.. I have more hope in other things working.

So now about 10 months out from surgery, I have no restrictions, this is what I do:

2 days a week I go to the pool. I do swimming for half an hour to an hour, depending on how crowded it is. It's usually a mix of laps, and leisurely swimming. It's far too crowded to do laps for the entire time period. Haha.

3-4 days a week (not on the days I go swimming) I'll stretch, and then do a cardio workout... for 20-30 minutes. Recently I actually looked up cardio exercise routines on YouTube. I don't own any DVDs anymore. And I found this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAuwO0vxwck&list=FLRXPpD3SipXQ1tt6A9pEkyw&index=9&feature=plpp_video which is what I've been doing lately. It's way too hot/humid to go outside to jog. I reserve that for spring/fall when it's weather permitting. Haha. But yeah. After I do the 20-30 minutes of cardio, I'll add in some palates.. Just simple things that I got out of magazines, that I do with a resistance band.. Along 2 reps of 10 push ups, squats, and sit ups. and 2 reps of 20 bicep curls, with 3lb weights..

During the Cardio, for half the time I also hold the 3lb weights. I'm really determined to get my arms back... Haha.

On the 1-2 days I don't do cardio/aerobics I just do the strength training. I use the resistance band in almost every way possible. Google exercises you can do with it. It really helps tone muscle. then I use the 3lb weights a few different ways.

Of course, occasionally I miss a day or two when I'm sick, or go to concerts.. (I have a few days coming up this summer where I know I'll miss it due to festivals, all-day concerts, etc...which will involve a lot of walking.. all day.. so I'll still be getting exercise) But other than that, I'm pretty obsessive about it.

So yeah. That's what I do. In August, I'm actually supposed to meet with a personal trainer for free through my program.. To learn more things I can do at home, etc.. So that will be good. (:

Sorry I haven't been updating as much lately. It's summer. My schedule is extremely off. and I don't have proper motivation for very much, other than trying to enjoy it. The past few summers have been miserable for me. So I'm trying to make the most of this one. (:

Feel free to contact me if you ever have any questions, or just want to talk! I'd love to know if anyone actually reads this blog and/or gets anything out of it. I'd like to meet other people that are in similar situations that I'm in. I've met some of my best real-life friends, online. I love the Internet...

Have a great day!

-Ashley.

PS: on a side note, my moms iPhone crashed. I had to back all of her pictures up to my computer, so I found lots of pictures, obviously... Personally, I can't see any weight loss. I'm having serious medication issues, and I haven't lost any weight in months. I actually gained 3 pounds. But I'm trying to stay optimistic. but when I look at these pictures I can see a difference for the first time.. So I'm happy. (:

Mid-December 2011, we went out to eat for my moms birthday... I was probably around 225lbs then..?

This was like 2 weeks ago at my brothers baseball game.. (I have 3 brothers.. this is the youngest and only healthy one, Nolan. Shh Don't tell the others, but he's my favorite. [;. ) All the weight I've lost, I've lost in my legs and chest.. I've gone down from a 26 to a 17/18 in pants, and from a 46DDD to a 42C in bras.. But I still have a ton of weight in my stomach, face, and upper arms I need to lose.. But i can see it in this picture for some reason.. Maybe it's because that shirt fits me, it's a little snug, but it was the only size they had, and it's a medium? or because I was actually able to buy those shorts in the juniors section at walmart..? or because bracelets fit my wrists now..? and all of those components are in this picture? I don't know why. But I can see it now for the first time. So I'm a very happy person. (: