What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow?

I need to get out of the mindset that small choices/mistakes/decisions don't matter, because they do.

Sure, if you miss taking  a medication every once in awhile, or cheat on your diet and get ice cream occasionally, or something along those lines... That's relatively normal and as long as it's an occasional/accidental thing it's fine. But there are times I'll realize it's midnight, and I haven't taken my Metformin yet... even though I know I should, and I could without an issue seeing as I'd probably be awake for another hour or two and taking it a few hours off schedule is better than not taking it at all, I don't. I'll tell myself that it's too late, and I'll start up taking it regularly again the next day and that one missed dose won't kill me... And maybe it won't kill me, but it certainly hurts me. Because then I get into the habit if not taking it, and then when I do get back on it again the side effects take a few weeks to go away and it's discouraging.

Same applies to my low-carb diet. There are times I'm amazing with it, and other times where I'm like "Screw it, having a sandwich won't affect it.." but my body is really sensitive to carbs, and deep down I know the bread will. I guess I just am always hoping that suddenly things will be okay on their own, without medication, without excessive diet changes... but that's not going to happen. So yeah. I do need to pay attention to these decisions that I'm consciously making and just neglecting to acknowledge.

I became aware of this the other day. I spent like all day with my brother and mom at the Verizon store getting our phones upgraded (iPhone 6! Wooh!) but none of us had eaten much that day since we got up and basically went straight to the store, and my brother really wanted to go to waffle house... so we did. I actually hadn't been there since I was like 8 so I didn't know what they had (other than waffles, obviously.) But I almost ordered eggs and hash browns, or an egg and bacon sandwich, or something along those lines.. potatoes and bread are a no-go for me. And i realized i was trying to justify it to myself by saying that I had messed up the day before, and hadn't eaten anything that day already so TECHNICALLY if i only ate half the sandwich my carbs would still be under however many a day, or that I could eat whatever and just "start back up again tomorrow."

"Start back up again tomorrow." seems to be a pretty common phrase in my inner dialogue, here.

The problem with that is, that there's nothing to stop you from continuing to say that phrase. Once you get into a cycle of saying that to yourself there is no going back.

I would like to point out that I ended up getting a grilled chicken salad which was actually really good. (I've always been a fan of salads. I get them all the time. I'm not entirely sure why I was even leaning towards the sandwich or the hash browns in the first place? Subconsciously wanting what you know you can't/shouldn't have? Who knows.) But that's only because I had become increasingly aware over the past couple weeks that I was playing this mind-game with myself to somehow justify stupid decisions I knew I was making.

Same thing with my medications happened this morning. I woke up to get my brothers off to school at 7.. but then went back to bed and didn't really get up and consider myself "awake" until about 11. I figured it was almost lunch time, I'm supposed to take Metformin with breakfast, maybe I should just wait till dinner-- but I caught myself. I knew I'd be up till after midnight. There was absolutely no reason why I couldn't take it with my breakfast that I had at 11, and then again at 11 tonight with my "fourth meal" so to speak, since my schedule is later and I have to eat more frequently because of the size of my stomach to get enough food in, regardless of what diet I'm on. So I took it. I didn't like it, but I took it. And I felt better after I did.

There was a quote that stuck with me from Spongebob Squarepants, of all places. The dialogue was something along these lines:

Squidward: Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: What is today, but yesterdays tomorrow?

Obviously that's referring to work procrastination and tasks you need to get done and what not, but that also applies with what I'm dealing with here. I'm an awful procrastinator, and that's running over into my health too. I need to stop letting it.

It's something I think I've always known. Most of my life it was just second nature to make the right choice as far as food goes, and to take my medication because I had other people dictating it for me. I had parents who were relentless with having me take my blood sugar and take my Metformin when I was 8 years old. I need to be relentless with myself now. I don't know why I've suddenly stopped caring as much as I did even when I was 16/17. Maybe I'm just being really discouraged from this weight gain lately and I'm feeling like giving up, like what's the point.

Side note: I have awful anxiety issues. I went to psychologists and psychiatrists for years when I was younger and they only addressed what they thought was my depression. They did diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder, but they never did anything to help me treat it. I don't think I was ever depressed back in middle/high school. I think I was just so anxious that it was easier to shut down and not think about doing anything... which resulted in me doing nothing, which is why it gave off the impression that I was depressed... but I'm not a psychologist, obviously, I don't know their specific diagnosis criteria. I'm just saying that I'm a ridiculously anxious person and I have a habit of shutting down as opposed to over-thinking everything because there is no middle ground with me. I either shut down and pretend something doesn't exist, or i over-think and over-analyze every possible detail and scenario until it drives me insane. So to act like that doesn't play a part in this would be stupid. It definitely does, I'm just not sure what or how and I get irritated with any doctor that I've tried to talk to about it in recent years so I'm having trouble getting to the bottom of it. 

Bottom line is... I'm working on consciously making these decisions, things I've always done that have just been harder to do in the past year or so... I'm trying to stop justifying things that have no justification, things that I'm fully aware are going to hurt me in the long run. Taking my medication every day no matter how much I hate doing it as often as I have to, not "taking a bite" of one of my brothers snacks or meals that don't fit my diet plan... That one bite, or that one missed pill... Whatever I think it offers me in the short term is nothing compared to what doing the opposite will offer me in the long term, and I need to keep that in mind.

***

I hope you all are having a good day, and I'll be sure to check back in soon!

-Ashley<3(:

Atkins Diet Thoughts/Review

So about 6 weeks ago I had visited my endocrinologist, who suggested I start the Atkins diet (or a modified version of it) because I had gained weight doing the 5:2/fasting diet. I had went from 185 to 189, and once I started the Atkins diet, i got down to 185 then stalled for awhile, but now 6 weeks later (still on phase 1) I'm at about 178 lbs. I've lost almost 2 pounds a week.. Which is something that's never happened.. Even after having weight loss surgery, I went weeks at a time without losing whether it be because I wasn't on the medications I needed, or because I wasn't eating enough.. So I was shocked at how well this was working, and wondered why I hadn't tried it before.

I just saw her again a couple days ago, and despite the fact that after 4-6 weeks you're supposed to move to 'phase 2' of the diet, she agreed I could stay on phase 1 for another 6 weeks before moving up to see if I'll continue losing weight. Which is great for me!

I'd like to point out that in no way do I regret having weight loss surgery.. It's certainly a tool that's helping me right now.. I'm not hungry. I'm sure if I hadn't had surgery, I'd be very hungry on the diet I'm on now and it'd be much more difficult to stay on track with. But.. You know, everyone kind of assumes weight loss surgery is a cure all, and well, it isn't. I'm still on all the medications I was on pre-op. I still have Insulin Resistance, PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc.. and I understand most of my issues are probably not going away. I haven't lost one pound without working for it.. and that is never changing. I understand that now. So going into the Atkins diet, after so many other failed ones, I wasn't.. hoping for much.. I mean c'mon, I had 4/5th's of my stomach ripped out and I didn't lose weight without adding on or bumping up medications to control my metabolic issues. So I had no hope for this, but alas, I tried it anyway.. and it's working. Finally something's working. I genuinely couldn't be more thrilled.

My endocrin was a bit worried about my blood sugars going too low, or my electrolytes and what not.. But both were totally fine. She has me testing my ketones every morning, which are always okay on 'trace'. I hadn't been working out because I was a bit light headed and dizzy sometimes adjusting from 60 carbs a day to 20, but now that I've been on it a few weeks I'm adjusting and starting working out again with the '7 Minute Workout'.. However, I do have to modify it because I can't do regular push ups or anything that involves putting pressure on my wrists. Yay for tendinitis. Also I try to fit in half hour walks every day, but it's getting so freaking cold out.. That is one side effect, whether it be of my medications (I read somewhere that one I"m on has a side effect of 'inability to retain heat' is how they worded it..) or of the weight loss, that I'm generally always cold.. Even during the summer.. and it's supposed to freaking snow later this week. So.. I don't know how long the walks will last. I will certainly keep up the 7 minute workouts though, and maybe do it a couple times a day to make up for the lack of walking during the fall/winter.

As far as what I'm eating, here's a list of the staples in my diet:

• Turkey Products (turkey sausage, bacon, regular turkey, etc..)
• Grilled/baked chicken
• Shrimp and Fish (mostly Tilapia)
• Cheese (Primarily part-skim mozzarella and provolone)
• Vegetables (Lots of salads,, primarily iceberg and romaine lettuce, fresh broccoli, baby carrots, sugar snap peas, green beans, etc..)
• Atkins products (They're kind of pricey.. Occasionally I'll buy a box of their meal replacement bars or I get their frozen meals sometimes, which are actually really really good!)
• Low-carb yogurt (Carbmaster brand from Kroger only has 4 carbs in a serving.)

Occasionally I'll have some strawberries, half a banana, or half an apple, or something like that. However fruits aren't a big part of my diet in this phase. Too many carbs. It's usually only if my blood sugar is low or if I'm really craving something sweet.

Here's an example of what I'll eat in a day: 

I don't log my food every day, just because it's a bit of a hassle but occasionally I will just to make sure I'm staying on track, and this is generally about where I'm at. I still can't eat very much at one sitting because of the size of my stomach, but I make it work. 

My doctor basically wanted me to have under 20 net carbs a day, and a goal of 100 grams of protein.. not to worry about where my calories were at. So that's what I've been doing.

To clear up any confusion: 

Total Carbohydrates - Sugar Alcohol & Fiber = Net Carbs

So based on what I ate on the 20th, I only had 12 net carbs, and 95 grams of protein.. which to be fair, is one of my better days. I don't always get that high on protein, and there have been a few days where I slipped up on carbs. so I'm really pleased with myself on the days I do that well. :)

Overall, I'm really pleased with how this diet is going and if you're looking for one to start, or maybe you had surgery and you want something to jump-start weight loss again, this is definitely worth looking into.. Don't make any impulsive decisions without talking to your doctor first, though. <3

Anywho, I hope you're all having a fantastic day and I shall talk to you all again soon. :)

-Ashley<3

Controlling your glucose levels.

So, I've had a lot of low-blood sugar issues lately. Literally every night around midnight, right as I'm trying to get to sleep, I get all shaky and hot and I go and test my blood sugar and it's relativley low. Along with a few times periodically throughout a week at other times, it gets low. The only thing I can attribute it to is not eating enough. I was just raised up to 850mg of Metformin twice a day, but my doctor assures me it shouldn't have too much of an affect on my blood sugar since I've been on it so long. So I'm trying to eat more frequently, without grazing.

Since I've had this issue going on for a few months, I thought I'd share some tips on preventing low blood sugar, and how to raise it.. and keep it at a good level.

My dad is hypoglycemic, but has no metabolic issues or anything. Other than smoking, and an inoperable benign brain tumor, he's relatively healthy.... Works a hard labor job, etc.. Whenever his drops, he can grab Reese's Peanutbutter Cups and it'll go up and he'll be fine. He doesn't ever really test his blood sugar. He can just tell. On the few occasions we've tested it just for fun to get an idea, he doesn't start feeling it untill his blood sugar is about at 40.

Where for me, I can start feeling it in the 60's. Which isn't even that low. (So you can imagine how bad it is when it gets down into the 40's-50's..) But I've always been like this. I've been overly-sensitive. I can estimate what my blood sugar is at any given time, and I'll be within 10-15 points of it. It's annoying.. but it's become a good tool.

But most people aren't like that. They can't tell what their blood sugar is very often. So you need to test a little more often to get an idea, rather than only when you feel high or low.

I know Type 1 diabetics need to test close to 7 times a day. At least the few I know, anyway. My grandma who was type 2 had to test fasting, with every meal, and at bedtime. so about 4-5 times. And All my life I had to test 2-3 times a day, up untill the past couple years. Fasting, and 2 hours after dinner primarily. But I say occasionally 3 times, because whenever I would feel sick, as a little kid I culdn't automatically say I knew it was my blood sugar, because I didn't know. So that was always a pre-caution to rule out low or high blood sugar.

Before I get into tips on how to controll it, lets talk about symptoms of the two. Sometimes I used to think i was low, when i was actually high. Obviously the only way to be sure is to test. but here are the defined symptoms of high/low blood sugar:

High: (listed on this website. It describes it all better than I could.) http://www.emedicinehealth.com/high_blood_sugar_hyperglycemia/page3_em.htm

Low: Personally for me, I get dizzy, shaky, irritable, and tired. But all the symptoms are listed here -- http://www.emedicinehealth.com/low_blood_sugar_hypoglycemia/page3_em.htm

So there are the lists of symptoms, and aside from testing to make sure you know where you are, and if your high or low, here are some tips on how to control it.

To prevent high/low blood sugar: protein!! Eat protein with sugar/carbs. If you're going to have something that you know can raise your blood sugar (like for me, a muffin or something like that that I normally don't have..) have milk with it. Or some source of protein. Sugar attaches itself to protein, and It won't raise your blood sugar as much.

To control high/low blood sugar: For high blood sugar, unless you're diabetic and have insulin you can take, there isn'tmuch you can do. Just wait it out. Sometimes if mine's high i'll drink a glass of skim milk and sometimes i think it slowly helps bring it down, but i'm not 100% sure on the science of that, if it helps at all. But for low blood sugar? Eat sugar/carb + protein. Like, peanutbutter toast and a glass of milk. Or strawberries and a piece of string cheese. Occassionally when it's really llow, I'll add in a real meal.. Sort of an egg sandwich. But with only one piece of bread. I'll take a piece of bread, a slice of cheese, and fry an egg and put it on top.. and eat that. It fills me up. (obviously, it may not fill somene up that has a normal sized stomach.. but it'll do.) the carb really helps raise the blood sugar and because there is protein, it stays up.

If it's dangerously low, like, below 40-45 ish... drink orange juice, or have something high in sugar. and once your blood sugar is raised, then add protein to keep it up. it'll happen faster.

So I hope this helps clear some things up for some people, and keep in mind I'm not a doctor or anything. This is just from my 10+ years experience with testing and dealig with high/low blood sugar. Obviously if you have chronic high/low's, make sure you let your doctor know and see if they have any further advice or want to run any tests or anything.

I hope you're having a great day, and feel free to email me or contact me on facebook or something, if you want. (:

---Ashley.

PS: I'm going to my first support group for the sugery, tomorrow... with a bunch of teenagers that had WLS at the same hospital I did. It's a summer event... at a rec center, there's gonna be swimming and sports and stuff like that. I have previously met 2 or 3 of the people that are going, and have talked to a few other people online. But this'll be interesting.. I'll be sure to post about it later. Maybe pictures too, if I'm allowed. (:

Chipotle!

Okay, seriously.. I never tried Chipotle before surgery. I eventually tried it around Christmas time, when me and my dad were out Christmas shopping.. He had had it before. and liked it. So he was glad when I said i wanted to try it. -- My best friend had been bugging me about it for everrrrr. So she was glad I did too.

I just got a chicken burrito bowl. with mild salsa cheese and sour cream and like 1/4th of it filled me up. and I didn't eat hardly any of the rice. amazing, right? And it was freaking delicious.. So.. I went home and went online.. Found their nutrition information.. and was surprised at how great it was for you..

I've since modified my order.. I ask for half the rice (even though they don't always do it.. I still ask) and extra chicken.. Sometimes I get lettuce, other times I don't. Then I always get a lot of fresh tomato salsa, sometimes I'll add on roasted chili corn salsa.. It's more spicy. (Spicy food is amazing. I'm so glad my sleeve can handle it.) then cheese and sour cream.

I can break it down into 3 full meals for me. And this is what it breaks down to be:

705 calories / 3 = 235

23.5 carbs /3 = 7.5

76.5 protein / 3 = 25.5

..........Did I do that right? 7.5 carbs and 25.5 grams of protein...? *Double Checks* yep... I did it right.

It's insane!!! Honestly. It tastes so good. and is such a good source of protein. And the total is like 7 or 8 dollars... for the bowl. Break that down to 3 meals... That's like $2.50 or something? Not bad. at all.

Definitely check it out. If you're into Mexican food, or trying new things, give it a shot. If your only a few months out from surgery I'd suggest getting the mild salsa, and if you like beans get pinto instead of black.. less spicy and easier on your stomach.

Have a great day. (:

-Ashley.