This will probably be my final post.

It's been over two years since I've posted on this blog! Time flies. Wow.

I just wanted to let everyone know that I've started a new blog! I didn't consciously decide to stop writing here, it just kind of happened naturally for a number of reasons. (I'm just going to copy and paste a few of those reasons from my new blog because I'm lazy.)

For years (2011-2015) I kept a blog (OurFightNow) all about Childhood Obesity, Metabolic Syndrome, diet, exercise, and my experience having weight loss surgery as a 15 year old. To my knowledge, it’s still the only blog I’ve found talking about all of those issues from a teenagers perspective. At least as of 05/11/2017 when I’m writing this.

It’s now been 2 years since I’ve posted on that site, and while I’m still incredibly proud of the fact that I managed to keep that blog going so long- it was hard to upkeep. For numerous reasons… the most notable being:

1. I’m not a child or teenager anymore, and it didn’t feel right continuing to write under the pretense that it was from that perspective. I can still recount my experiences as a child, but it’s no longer coming from that frame of mind.
2. A large portion of that blog was in regards to weight loss surgery. I had a VSG in August 2011 and I’ve written the topic almost-dead. I don’t feel like I have anything else to say on the topic, at least for the time being.
3. Honestly? The blog was kind of cringe-worthy. There are a lot of errors (typo, and just general medical knowledge errors) that I made years ago that I SHOULD go back and fix, but the thought of doing so is extremely overwhelming at the moment.

So, I’ve decided to upgrade. I’m not 100% sure what all I’ll cover here. It’ll be similar health-related content, but I’m not going to pigeon-hole myself to only write about WLS/Metabolic Syndrome. To be honest, I’m not even 100% sure that Metabolic Syndrome is my be-all end-all diagnosis. (Currently being tested for Cushing’s Syndrome? We’ll see what happens with that…) So it doesn’t feel right to only write about those two things. This will be a journey for all of us.

So that's where I'm at now. 

My new blog is www.ashtrohealth.wordpress.com  if anyone is interested in checking it out! Other than that, you're still more than welcome to email/message me whenever you want! I still get comments and emails sometimes from people who read this blog and it always makes my day. I love being able to have an open discussion about these topics with people who understand or want to understand them.

My email is ashtrovert @ gmail . com & my Instagram/Tumblr/Twitter usernames are all ashtrovert as well! Feel free to get in contact whenever you'd like and I'd love to chat!

I hope you all are having a wonderful day and thank you all so much for following this blog.

-Ashley<3(: 

Stir-fry!

One advantage I had going into surgery and dieting in general is that I enjoy cooking. So it really shouldn't be a surprise that I like trying out new recipes/try making things a different way, etc.. it's all a trial and error process. I cook just about every single day. I go through phases with what I make for myself every day (aside from what I make for dinner a few nights a week for my whole family...) I usually get into a pattern and eat one meal until i get sick of it for lunch like every day, and then when I get sick of it i find a new one, and repeat and repeat and repeat... with different meals every few weeks/months.

What I'm obsessed with at the moment? Stir-fry. I've been hooked on it for a few months.. Even when I've fallen off Atkins and not done as well, this was still something i ate almost every single day for lunch. Full of whatever you want to put in it, so you can make it as healthy (or unhealthy) as you wish... although, this is a difficult meal to make unhealthy.. you just have to be careful with whatever sauces you use! I personally love teriyaki sauce, but I have to be really careful with how much I use because depending on the brand, one to two table spoons can have 2-3 carbs and it's easy to go overboard with sauces accidentally... I usually just use one tablespoon for a bit of flavor, because I like it but I don't like it overpowering everything else that I'm putting into it.

It's an easy dish to make, and there are hundreds of ways to make it and it's hard to mess up, however you do it... but i figured i'd show you guys how I make mine!

I start off with plenty of chopped vegetables. They make up the bulk of the meal. Use whatever you want. There are bags of frozen vegetables at the grocery store that are already pre-cut for stir fry which I have used in the past as well.. They usually consist of what I have in the picture. I just typically choose fresh vegetables because they cook a bit quicker and honestly I enjoy cutting them up. Haha. I'll cut a bunch up in bulk and store in a drawer in our fridge for my brothers and I to snack on all week, for me to make stir fry out of, or whatever else we come up with. The trick here though is to make sure things are relatively the same size.. or, that groups of things are relatively the same size (you'll see what I mean in a bit.. some things take longer to cook than others, regardless of the size, etc...)

As previously stated, you can put whatever you want in stir fry. There are numerous times I've left it at just vegetables... however I usually try to add a protein in there and my protein of choice is, has, and always will probably be chicken. It's just fast and easy to cook, easily accessible, easy to season, etc... Sometimes I  have leftover pre-cooked chicken already in the fridge from a meal earlier in the week, or sometimes i'll pre-cook chicken in bulk as well and keep it in the fridge for lunches throughout the week and I"ll just toss it in the pan to warm it up after the vegetables are almost done cooking.... but a lot of the time I Just have a bag of frozen chicken breasts/tenderloins/cutlets/etc... in the freezer that I use. I just take out one piece and put it in the microwave on defrost for a few minutes... Cut it up and season it and set it aside (because usually fresh carrots take longer to soften up than the amount of time it takes the chicken to cook.)

So now you have all of your vegetables, cut up chicken, oil for the pan (I usually use vegetable or extra virgin olive oil.. I've been experimenting with coconut and canola oil, but I'm not sold on any others at least for stir fry just yet.) I usually sprinkle some salt and pepper (and by some I mean a LOT of pepper... black pepper and I are best friends.) over the vegetables and chicken before hand. Then your set! Time to start cooking. Put a tablespoon or so of oil in a pan of your choice (I've been known to use a giant pot when I couldn't find a pan large enough to make enough for my whole family... no judgment here. use whatever you can find that will fit all of your ingredients.) Then get cooking!

I always start with carrots because for some reason fresh carrots take even longer than frozen carrots to cook. Sometimes i even add a tablespoon of water or so to the pan and put a lid on to steam them a little bit, to try and get them cooked quicker. After a couple minutes, I add in onion and cauliflower because at least for me, cauliflower takes longer to soften up than broccoli and chicken and i like onions to get a bit caramelized.. if you don't like that, then just toss them in later because they do soften up relatively quick. After a few minutes with the lid on, I toss in the peppers, broccoli, and chicken. I add my tablespoon or two of teriyaki sauce, a little more black pepper, and stir it up... then leave the lid on for a few minutes, occasionally lifting it up to stir it until everything is cooked through and softened up some, but still has a bit of a crunch to it.

which leaves you with... 

This! 

I consciously make more than I know my stomach can hold because I have three little brothers, and one parent (depending on which house I'm at) that always like to steal bites of my food which doesn't always leave me with very much. ;) But I don't think that looks too bad! (Spoiler: it was actually really good. Although I wish I had added more broccoli. That's my favorite bit.)

***

What do you all put in your stir-fry? Have you ever made it? Do you like it? What are your go-to quick meals for lunch or dinner? Let me know! Comment or let me know on Facebook! 

Also! Random, but I have a question for anyone who reads this blog.. and please answer it, because I need some input! --- Videos? Yes or no? If I made youtube videos talking about things I blog about, or cooking things I reference in blog posts... (Have I told you all about the sugar free low carb mini lemon cheesecakes I made the other day? No? Because those might be in my next food-related post... They were so good!) Would anyone be interested? Do you think there's a place for that? Let me know!

I hope you all are having an amazing day and I'll be back soon! Off to make some stir fry for lunch now...  :P

-Ashley<3

What is today, but yesterday's tomorrow?

I need to get out of the mindset that small choices/mistakes/decisions don't matter, because they do.

Sure, if you miss taking  a medication every once in awhile, or cheat on your diet and get ice cream occasionally, or something along those lines... That's relatively normal and as long as it's an occasional/accidental thing it's fine. But there are times I'll realize it's midnight, and I haven't taken my Metformin yet... even though I know I should, and I could without an issue seeing as I'd probably be awake for another hour or two and taking it a few hours off schedule is better than not taking it at all, I don't. I'll tell myself that it's too late, and I'll start up taking it regularly again the next day and that one missed dose won't kill me... And maybe it won't kill me, but it certainly hurts me. Because then I get into the habit if not taking it, and then when I do get back on it again the side effects take a few weeks to go away and it's discouraging.

Same applies to my low-carb diet. There are times I'm amazing with it, and other times where I'm like "Screw it, having a sandwich won't affect it.." but my body is really sensitive to carbs, and deep down I know the bread will. I guess I just am always hoping that suddenly things will be okay on their own, without medication, without excessive diet changes... but that's not going to happen. So yeah. I do need to pay attention to these decisions that I'm consciously making and just neglecting to acknowledge.

I became aware of this the other day. I spent like all day with my brother and mom at the Verizon store getting our phones upgraded (iPhone 6! Wooh!) but none of us had eaten much that day since we got up and basically went straight to the store, and my brother really wanted to go to waffle house... so we did. I actually hadn't been there since I was like 8 so I didn't know what they had (other than waffles, obviously.) But I almost ordered eggs and hash browns, or an egg and bacon sandwich, or something along those lines.. potatoes and bread are a no-go for me. And i realized i was trying to justify it to myself by saying that I had messed up the day before, and hadn't eaten anything that day already so TECHNICALLY if i only ate half the sandwich my carbs would still be under however many a day, or that I could eat whatever and just "start back up again tomorrow."

"Start back up again tomorrow." seems to be a pretty common phrase in my inner dialogue, here.

The problem with that is, that there's nothing to stop you from continuing to say that phrase. Once you get into a cycle of saying that to yourself there is no going back.

I would like to point out that I ended up getting a grilled chicken salad which was actually really good. (I've always been a fan of salads. I get them all the time. I'm not entirely sure why I was even leaning towards the sandwich or the hash browns in the first place? Subconsciously wanting what you know you can't/shouldn't have? Who knows.) But that's only because I had become increasingly aware over the past couple weeks that I was playing this mind-game with myself to somehow justify stupid decisions I knew I was making.

Same thing with my medications happened this morning. I woke up to get my brothers off to school at 7.. but then went back to bed and didn't really get up and consider myself "awake" until about 11. I figured it was almost lunch time, I'm supposed to take Metformin with breakfast, maybe I should just wait till dinner-- but I caught myself. I knew I'd be up till after midnight. There was absolutely no reason why I couldn't take it with my breakfast that I had at 11, and then again at 11 tonight with my "fourth meal" so to speak, since my schedule is later and I have to eat more frequently because of the size of my stomach to get enough food in, regardless of what diet I'm on. So I took it. I didn't like it, but I took it. And I felt better after I did.

There was a quote that stuck with me from Spongebob Squarepants, of all places. The dialogue was something along these lines:

Squidward: Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?
Mr. Krabs: What is today, but yesterdays tomorrow?

Obviously that's referring to work procrastination and tasks you need to get done and what not, but that also applies with what I'm dealing with here. I'm an awful procrastinator, and that's running over into my health too. I need to stop letting it.

It's something I think I've always known. Most of my life it was just second nature to make the right choice as far as food goes, and to take my medication because I had other people dictating it for me. I had parents who were relentless with having me take my blood sugar and take my Metformin when I was 8 years old. I need to be relentless with myself now. I don't know why I've suddenly stopped caring as much as I did even when I was 16/17. Maybe I'm just being really discouraged from this weight gain lately and I'm feeling like giving up, like what's the point.

Side note: I have awful anxiety issues. I went to psychologists and psychiatrists for years when I was younger and they only addressed what they thought was my depression. They did diagnose me with generalized anxiety disorder, but they never did anything to help me treat it. I don't think I was ever depressed back in middle/high school. I think I was just so anxious that it was easier to shut down and not think about doing anything... which resulted in me doing nothing, which is why it gave off the impression that I was depressed... but I'm not a psychologist, obviously, I don't know their specific diagnosis criteria. I'm just saying that I'm a ridiculously anxious person and I have a habit of shutting down as opposed to over-thinking everything because there is no middle ground with me. I either shut down and pretend something doesn't exist, or i over-think and over-analyze every possible detail and scenario until it drives me insane. So to act like that doesn't play a part in this would be stupid. It definitely does, I'm just not sure what or how and I get irritated with any doctor that I've tried to talk to about it in recent years so I'm having trouble getting to the bottom of it. 

Bottom line is... I'm working on consciously making these decisions, things I've always done that have just been harder to do in the past year or so... I'm trying to stop justifying things that have no justification, things that I'm fully aware are going to hurt me in the long run. Taking my medication every day no matter how much I hate doing it as often as I have to, not "taking a bite" of one of my brothers snacks or meals that don't fit my diet plan... That one bite, or that one missed pill... Whatever I think it offers me in the short term is nothing compared to what doing the opposite will offer me in the long term, and I need to keep that in mind.

***

I hope you all are having a good day, and I'll be sure to check back in soon!

-Ashley<3(:

It's been awhile, hasn't it?

Hey there! Ashley here. It's been awhile since I updated. I've received a few emails and messages on Facebook lately about this blog, and it resulted in me logging back on to realize it's been ten months since I've updated! Wow. Time flies.

I was always motivated to update this blog when I was doing well. This blog was also a motivation for me to do well (and I define doing well by losing weight, which may not be the healthiest way of looking at it, but that's debatable.) But as far as that goes, I'm not doing well. Which is probably a huge part as to why I haven't updated lately.

I've gained 30 pounds in the six to eight months or so. I went from around 175 to 205. Which, in the grand scheme of things... I'm still closer to my goal than where I started, which is good and when I look at the situation objectively, I can see that. However, I'm still not pleased with myself even though it's not 100% in my control at the moment...

A combination of the holidays, and money issues making it difficult to stick to the low carbohydrate high protein diet I had been doing (which worked REALLY well)  were a huge part of my weight gain. Also I switched insurance companies, and there was an overlap of time I wasn't able to get 2 of my medications. I've also been having trouble stomaching one of my medications, which is better now that I've got the prescription changed.. But these are all excuses.

Its just one thing after another honestly and it knocks down your motivation real quick, you know?

I feel like whenever I get my medications under control I'll start to lose again, it's just a matter of getting in the routine of taking them the way I had for years which is something I've been out of practice of for the past few months.  I've never "fallen off" my diet necessarily, I just didn't follow it as strictly as I did in 2013, which is what I need to do again. I had so much more energy and felt so much better about myself when I stuck to Atkins. I hadn't felt that healthy in a long time, and I'm working my way back into it.

As far as the surgery goes.. I'm three and a half years out now, to the day. February 19th, 2015. I had surgery on August 19th 2011. I really don't feel like the sleeve has done much for me other than the lack of appetite and the restriction, which wasn't really much of a problem to begin with.. Not to say it's not a good dieting tool, because it's fantastic. But it certainly hasn't done for me what I've seen it do for other people within the Teen WLS program I went through, you know? And sure I can attribute that to all of my metabolic problems that are somewhat separate from anything the surgery could touch. I don't know the science behind it all, but I know things have certainly worked differently for me than anyone I've met in these support groups on Facebook or the few I've gone to in person at the hospital. I could make guesses, but they wouldn't be educated outside of what I've researched on my own. Obviously everyone's body is different, but when I look at my issues pre and post op, they are nothing like anyone I know. So... Who knows!

I'm sure once I get back into a routine I'll do better, and I do still want to get down to my goal weight. I just need to find the motivation again, so I'm hoping getting back into blogging will help with that!

So if there are any topics anyone wants me to write about, or any suggestions.. feel free to let me know. I have 120+ posts on this site and I feel like I've written the subject(s) dry, but yet I still feel like there's more I could say... So let me know! Message me on FB or e-mail me!

Here's to hoping I get things under control soon. :) Hope you all have a lovely day. Talk to you soon.

-Ashley<3

Did you know I'm on Facebook?!

I don't update this blog nearly as often as I did in 2011 & 2012, but that doesn't mean I'm not online ever! I just.. don't have much to talk about? If anyone has any questions or suggestions for things to write about, please feel free to let me know and I definitely will!

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm on Facebook pretty avidly and if you didn't know this, I have a page specifically dedicated to "Our Fight Now" that I have notifications enabled on, so I'm always aware of whatever's posted on there!

Typically I update it more regularly than I update on here too, just because it's quicker and doesn't require nearly as much thought put into what I'm writing. So if anyone's curious about how I'm doing or what I'm up to or needs to find a way to contact me, feel free to contact me there!

www.facebook.com/OurFightNow

So.. There's that! Haha.

I hope you all are having a fantastic day and I'll check in soon. :)

-Ashley

What I've Been Eating on Atkins!

I don't update this blog nearly enough, but now with the new year I'm trying to get back into it again. :) I was doing really well on the Atkins diet, but that all got messed up around the holidays (go figure!) Thankfully I didn't really gain any weight. (The few pounds I did gain, I lost when I had the flu the week after Christmas.. Which was a nightmare.) However, I want to start my weight loss again so I'm starting back on phase 1 of the Atkins Diet!

So here are some examples of what I've been eating the past few days! :)

The goal with the atkins diet in phase 1 is to keep your net carbs between 18 and 22 each day. I went to 23 and 24 on two days, however I don't think I actually consumed that many because I didn't finish  my salad one day, and I also didn't finish the chicken salad I ate the other day. So, I'm probably still between the 18 & 22 range. Regardless, I think I've been doing pretty well and thought I'd share it with you guys to hold myself accountable, while giving ideas to other people who may be in the same boat. :)

Hope you're all having a great day, and talk to you soon!

-Ashley<3(:

How I Keep My Skin Clear

Whether it be PCOS, Insulin Resistance, Cushing's Syndrome, Hypothyroid, or any other one of the number of conditions that could be considered hormonal or metabolic, there's almost always a symptom/side effect of acne. Whenever there's a hormonal imbalance your body acts up, and a lot of times results in your skin getting messed up. I've gotten a few messages on Facebook from people who read this blog, asking how I keep my skin clear (or if it isn't, how I cover it up.) and I figured I'd do a post about it.

First of all, I'd like to point out my acne does still flare up sometimes. When I was younger, and before I lost a lot of weight, it was absolutely horrific. I had tried proactive and lots of different over the counter "acne treatment systems" and different perscription medications (Solodyn I think was one of them? and Doxycycline.) I was about to be put on the new version of Accutane or whatever it's called, though my mom was really against it because of how strong it is/what damage it apparently can do to your body. I haven't researched it much though, because she wouldn't have let me on it when I was younger in the first place so there wasn't much of a point.

However now it thankfully only flares up once a month (you can guess when that is... ha.) and is pretty much controlled by the medications I'm on, in combination with how I take care of my skin.

Sorry the lighting wasn't that great.. I decided to take the picture right after I got out of the shower so you could see my skin before I loaded it down with crap, but I didn't take into account the fact that it's almost midnight, and the lighting in my house no matter what room we're in is absolutely horrible.

Anywho, bottom line is most anything you can see on my face that could be considered a zit or anything is most likely a scar from when I had the worst cystic acne of my life when I was 15. 

(pictured here...) 

 (If you didn't guess it already, that's me on the right/top.. with makeup. There are 0 pictures of me without makeup trying to cover it.. it was so much worse with the makeup off, I promise.)

A lot of people assume I still have it and cover it with makeup. Which, when I do have flare ups, I cover it really well with makeup. I've had about seven years of wearing makeup on a regular basis to practice.. However, generally it's better to take care of the problem as opposed to masking it so that's what I focused on doing. To this day I still don't really wear makeup unless I'm going out, which doesn't happen often, so it gives my skin a chance to rest. But for those of you asking, this is how I take care of my acne now!

My skin's really sensitive. I blush super easily for no reason at all and get sun burnt super easily. Even if I'm not hot, but I'm in the direct light from a lamp or something, my skin gets all red and blotchy. It's annoying, but I have to treat my skin like it's tissue paper. My skin also used to be really oily, but it's dried out over the years so again, I have to treat it as such.

I do still exfoliate almost every day with St. Ives Blemish control Apricot Scrub. I use it in the morning & at night. (Especially on days I wear makeup, I use it after using Neutrogena Makeup Removing Wipes. It helps get the rest of it out of my skin.) It's pretty gentle, so it isn't really harsh on my skin. If I'm breaking out, I'll sometimes use a Neutrogena Acne Control face wash, but I don't have one at the moment because I used the last of my last one about a month ago. In the shower I do use this little rubber thing that helps get into my pores. I don't even know what it's called? It came with some 360 face wash I got like a few years ago. I didn't really like the face wash, but I loved the little tool it came with.

After washing my face, immediatley I follow with my Cetaphil lotion. It's pretty light, so in the winter I usually will put it on twice when my skin's extra dry. (I mean like, once, let it absorb into my face, then another layer, twice a day. Equaling four times a day, if that makes sense.) But it doesn't make me break out, and most lotions always have. So, that's always a plus. Not to mention the fact that the bottle lasts forever! I also use chapstick. I used to have a problem with breaking out around my mouth too, but I stopped using the lip balm I was using and switched to another one and I haven't had any problems. (I'd give you the name, but it's just some with my Dentist office's name on it? I doubt they make their own, they probably just enlisted someone and got their phone number and what not printed on it, but it has no brand name unfortunatley.)

As far as prescriptions go - Epiduo is the only prescription I have for my acne now, as opposed to the 2 creams and 2 medications and what not I was on at the same time a few years back. You're only supposed to put it on your break outs, but generally I'll put it on the places I know I break out regularly, like my cheeks and chin. I use it preventatively, which to be fair I really probably shouldn't, but I do. Again, use it sparingly though. Thin layers. I've only had to get my prescription filled two or three times and I've had it for about 18 months now.

Then, I'm also on Spironolactone (Generic version of Aldactone.) This is a mild diuretic and I was put on it originally to help with my blood pressure and my high androgen level's back in early 2011 before I lost 100lbs. My blood pressure is perfectly fine now, I've just stayed on a low dose of it to help with the hormone levels and for the diuretic purposes, but it helps with my acne so that's a plus!

Last but not least is my birth control. I'm on Sprintec. I've switched birth controls a lot over the past few years, but they've all helped my acne except one that I can't remember the name of, which made it worse. again, I'm on it to help with the PCOS, which one of the side effects of is acne.. and this helps counter it.

With makeup, most of the products I use on my face are water based. I use Revlon, Covergirl, and Maybeline products for the most part. I've never had any issues with makeup making me break out, thankfully. But I won't go into specifics with those..

Obviously, I try not to touch my face too much, and I try to keep my hair out of my face when I can (but that doesn't always happen.) and... That's about it!

I hope that helped some of you who've been asking, or anyone who would have ended up asking. :) I hope you're all having a great day, and I shall talk to you all soon. <3

-Ashley