and.... The holidays have begun.

Used to love the holidays.. Being insulin resistance since i was 5 years old made it rough, though.. food wise. I've always been overweight/obese.. But I've always dieted too... It was so strict.. As alittle kid, i remember once i stole the syrup from the cabinet and ran tothe bathroom and drank maple syrup... because i was craving sugar.. It was bad. the holidays and the food surrounding me, amplified it. (thankfully over the past 5 or 6 years that craving has been lost.. Anything sugary makes me sick, now.)

So.. Thanksgiving.. I cooked a lot.. You know, the usual.. Dressing, Green bean casarole (my favorite.. I'd be happy with just that.), mashed potatoes, gravy, pies, rolls, and of course the turkey... my lunch was off the little snack table we had set up.. which was basically a handfull of shrimp and a little cocktail sauce, and a few crackers with cheese spread.. I have been having more diet soda lately.. Diet pepsi, mostly. I dilute it with water, or let it sit in ice for awhile before i drink it.. same thing.. kinda. yeah. So I had some diet pepsi too.. I Know i'm not supposed t odrink with meals, but its hard... thats the toughest thing about this whole process for me.

Then dinner... I had some turkey... a couple bites of mashed potatoes, literally one bite of dressing, and the rest green bean casarole... I love that stuff.. I only get it once a year.. its safe to say i ate a little more than i should, and i definatley felt it later... Given I didn't hardly eat a foruth of what everone else did.. i'm the only person with a stomach the size of a banana. 'nuff said.

Then later on i had half of a piece ofpie that i made.. I know.. i shouldn't have... it sucks that i baked so much and couldnt hardly eat any of it... But everyone else seemed to like it. they're saying i should go to culinary school. the thought has definatley crossed my mind...

I'm not a big fan of holidays anymore ingeneral... since i was 12 i kinda grew out of the 'excited' phase and moved onto the more typical teenager 'fuck the world. back off don't wanna deal with my family i'll go hide in my room' phase... which is exactly what i've been doing. I don't liek family get togethers. they annoy me.. Answering questions about my family gets nervewracking... I just go along with it all for my little brothers.

People have been on me to get out of the house mroe. I don't have many friends. I lost a lot of them when i switched schools a lot, a few years back.. A lot ofother factors played into it, but that's the just of it.  But My uncle was playing with a band that i  grew up with.. like. i grew up with a few of the guys in it.. I've followed their music.. they're really good. I have their cd's.. but i never really talk to any of them. Everyone from elementry/middle school has gone their seperate ways, as exptected. But yeah. Them, and a band that is local around here.. everyone knows... Well. they were playing a show together. Authors & Audio (the band i grew up with... www.authorsandaudo.com <-- check them out..) and Shrug ( http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/group.php?gid=67739380522 -- http://shrug.bandcamp.com/)... it was a epic show. I talked to some people i knew.. adult wise.. but i never talked to anyone my age. oh well. next time.. maybe? who knows. but it was good to get out of the house.. Listen to some good music.. i still have the x's on the back of my hands, and the wrist band on... because it was at a bar, and i'm a minor. hey! at least they let me in..

so yeah. that was my thanksgiving break.. although, I'm testing for my ged on december tenth.. i'm not really in school right now.. so.. not really a break. but.. yeah. you get my point.


Alright.. Just thought I'd fill everyone in.. That was my first major holiday since surgery... Aside from the bit of pie i had, i think i did alright... 

feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns or anything. i'd be happy to hear from you. (:

have a good day and happy holidays.
-Ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com