Demi Lovato -- Anti Bullying -- My issues with bullying..

Just a short post...

I get to see Demi Lovato in concert, at the Rosemont Theatre near Chicago, IL this Saturday (December 3rd, 2011). I'm really excited, I'm going with my friend Tara whom I haven't seen since August of last year.. I've seen Demi once before, with The Veronicas and The Jonas Brothers, when I was thirteen.. But this time it's all Demi. <3

She's one of my rolemodels, honestly. It takes a lot for me to say that, I don't have many. And those that I do, aren't famous. I was never into many Disney stars.. I remember back when I saw her on a show As the Bell Rings or something.. I heard her singing..

I've been raised in a really musical family, and it caught my eye.. she caught my eye.. then sure enough, she was in camp rock.. (with the Jonas Brothers.. whom I was a fan of, at the time.. don't tell me you've enver liked them at one point or another, you'd be lieing. adults included.) and it was great.. I saw her on the Burning Up tour with them..(and the veronicas, who are epic. I love them.) Around that time pictures were released of her with marks on her wrists.. The publicists covered it up saying it was recently removed bracelets but I think almost everyone knew otherwise.. She opened up about bullying.. Did numerous anti-bullying campaigns.

Anyone who knows me, knows I left school in 7th grade to be homeschooled, the second half of the year, because I was being bullied.. It was really getting bad.. There were a few other reasons I felt like i should stay home.. Family issues.. I needed to take care of my brothers, a few others.. And my grandma was dieing at the time. But.. Bullying.. has been a big part of most of my life. to this day I'm STILL paranoid of what people are saying abuot me.. How i look, how i dress, if my hair looks okay.. More than i assume most pople would... A therapist once called it 'hypersensitivity.'... alogn the lines of Anxiety..

To this day I regret leaving school.. I wish I had stuck it out, I really do. I'm getting a GED in 8 days, and starting community college at 16 years old. It was my idea, my decision to do all of it.. But I would be a 16 year old Freshman... I should be a Junior, now.. What happened was, i had to retake 7th grade... My birthday being in august.. well... it cuold've been either way. I was started early, apparently. I was always the youngest. So re-taking at another school wasn't so bad, to me.. But then come freshman year, i woudl have had t oretake again.. To no fault of my own, I passed everything.. But my transcripts were lost.. I was fed up and decided to get a GED. ANYWAYS..... back to my point.

I'm not sure if it's a fact or not, but i feel like overweight girls (and guys.. but typically guys arent as caddy as girls, are..) are targeted mroe than any other.. minority? That's notthe right word.. But it'll have to do for now. I knwo how segregation was always an issue, and peoples sexual orientations.. But i think people ahve come to terms with how stuipd segregation is (most people, anyway..) and not everyone comes out if they're gay, or transgendered, etc.. You can't hide if your obese. You can try.. Black baggy clothes, keeping to yourself, being quiet, or running away like I did... homeschooling.. But that wont make it go away.. It wont make people stop..

When I was in middle school, no one did anything anti-bullying wise.. No one. My life was already hell at home, and school should have been an escape.. but it wasn't.. instead it was worse than being at home..

Well.. This brings me back to Demi..  She left in 7th grade t obe homeschooled, aswell.. (and ironically finished highschool at 16 years old, too.. I'm getting a GED but... you get my point.) Struggled with personal issues from a very young age.. eating disorder.. self harm.. and who knows what else.. Bullying brings out the worst in people.. from both sides.

I don't know her. So i can't know for sure. But whatever pushed her over the edge, wether it be fights with friends, issues with family or publicisty, an ex boyfriend... she decided to get herlself help and go to a treatment center.. And she got help. And now she's back,b etter than ever..

Shes being open about what issues she had.. what she had to work through... What all started it... Bullying.

I was NEVER insecure about my weight.. even though I have been excluded from things and made fun of as long as i can remember... untill second grade when one comment really stuck with me.. that smoe random girl made... about 'losing baby fat..'.. i knew i didnt' have baby fat.. no one knew i was battling insulin resistance at the time.. and i went home and lost it that day..  Words really do hurt people... so does stupidity.. i'll leave it at that.

I hear peole saying Demi is a bad rolemodel, because she had cut herself.. or starved herself.. or this or that or whatever. That is absolutely no excuse.. If you want your kids to look up to someone? It should be her.. She isshowing people it does NOT matter what people say about you.. You are who you want to be.. Sometimes you have to put yourself first, and make yourself happy, keep yourself healthy, in order to help yourself and the people you love. That life sucks sometimes.. But nothign comes easy.. if you reallly want to get better, you will. It may be a never ending battle with bulimia, or accepting the fact that that one guy you think you love doesn't know you exist, that your ex wife really wants nothing to do with you.. that your brother really is dead, or your best friend reallly has turned on you and got new friends.. but whatever it is, you can overcome it..

"Love is louder, than the pressure to be perfect." is a campaign she's working with now.. along with blogging through seventeen magazine... all trying to reach out to girls (and guys).. to empower them..  Let them know that they're not alone... No one is alone.. you may feel like you arent, but there are.. Unless there is some new disease out that no one has ever heard of and your the only person in the world who has ever had it.. you are not alone. There is someone else out there that has been there.. and it's your choice if you make it or not.. make the best of life. you only get one.

Bullying was a huge part in me digging myself in a hole, that it took years to get myself out of... I don't want anyone else to ever have to go through the same thing.. Ever.. I got a tattoo that says "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." (a modified Plato quote.) on the inside of my left wrist.. I really believe in that quote, and i chose the inside of my wrist so i'll always see it.. and remember even if i'm dealing with a lot and not in a good mood, everyone is dealing with something.. id on't want to make one stupid comment and push someone over the edge.. because thats what people did to me... i was already fighting.. the stupid comments alone wouldnt ahve hurt me.. but they're what broke me.. put me over the edge..

I've done posts about self esteem before.. But I don't know.. I was talking to my friend about Demi, and I just felt the need to let this out.  She is the kind of friend I wish I could have. Her music is pretty amazing too.. just saying.. I suggest listening to "Skyscraper" "Believe in me" "Unbroken" "Fix A Heart" "Together"  "For The Love Of A Daughter" "Lightweight" "Trainwreck" and/or "Mistake" and tell me everything i've saida bout her here, isn't true.

Bottom line of this whole post.. Demi is amazing.. and This surgery has given me my lief back..  I started feeing not as depressed.. more happy.. when i found out i could have this surgery.. when i knew it was possible for a teenager to have weight loss surgery.. I felt the slightest bit of hope.. and that hope has payed off.. the surgery payed off.. i'm still obese... but.. my bmi is under 40 for the first time in two years.. little goals, right? I'm really genuinley happy... like i said before.. you only have one life.. so why not live it?

 Alright. I realize, i said at the beginning this would be a short post.. I was wrong. I ramble. a lot. Okay. Now i'm done. (:

It's 2am on December 2nd... 7pm on December 3rd, and i'll be seeing her... 16th row, floor... Can't wait. (:

have a great day everyone. (: if you have any questons or anything, feel free to email me.. ask to add me to facebook if you want to see more pictures of the whole surgery process, testing, progress, or the demi concert (; i'll have them posted. i'll add you if you ask, through email.

Alright. bye (:

-ashley
ashleyellen1637@aol.com