Atkins Diet Thoughts/Review

So about 6 weeks ago I had visited my endocrinologist, who suggested I start the Atkins diet (or a modified version of it) because I had gained weight doing the 5:2/fasting diet. I had went from 185 to 189, and once I started the Atkins diet, i got down to 185 then stalled for awhile, but now 6 weeks later (still on phase 1) I'm at about 178 lbs. I've lost almost 2 pounds a week.. Which is something that's never happened.. Even after having weight loss surgery, I went weeks at a time without losing whether it be because I wasn't on the medications I needed, or because I wasn't eating enough.. So I was shocked at how well this was working, and wondered why I hadn't tried it before.

I just saw her again a couple days ago, and despite the fact that after 4-6 weeks you're supposed to move to 'phase 2' of the diet, she agreed I could stay on phase 1 for another 6 weeks before moving up to see if I'll continue losing weight. Which is great for me!

I'd like to point out that in no way do I regret having weight loss surgery.. It's certainly a tool that's helping me right now.. I'm not hungry. I'm sure if I hadn't had surgery, I'd be very hungry on the diet I'm on now and it'd be much more difficult to stay on track with. But.. You know, everyone kind of assumes weight loss surgery is a cure all, and well, it isn't. I'm still on all the medications I was on pre-op. I still have Insulin Resistance, PCOS, hypothyroidism, etc.. and I understand most of my issues are probably not going away. I haven't lost one pound without working for it.. and that is never changing. I understand that now. So going into the Atkins diet, after so many other failed ones, I wasn't.. hoping for much.. I mean c'mon, I had 4/5th's of my stomach ripped out and I didn't lose weight without adding on or bumping up medications to control my metabolic issues. So I had no hope for this, but alas, I tried it anyway.. and it's working. Finally something's working. I genuinely couldn't be more thrilled.

My endocrin was a bit worried about my blood sugars going too low, or my electrolytes and what not.. But both were totally fine. She has me testing my ketones every morning, which are always okay on 'trace'. I hadn't been working out because I was a bit light headed and dizzy sometimes adjusting from 60 carbs a day to 20, but now that I've been on it a few weeks I'm adjusting and starting working out again with the '7 Minute Workout'.. However, I do have to modify it because I can't do regular push ups or anything that involves putting pressure on my wrists. Yay for tendinitis. Also I try to fit in half hour walks every day, but it's getting so freaking cold out.. That is one side effect, whether it be of my medications (I read somewhere that one I"m on has a side effect of 'inability to retain heat' is how they worded it..) or of the weight loss, that I'm generally always cold.. Even during the summer.. and it's supposed to freaking snow later this week. So.. I don't know how long the walks will last. I will certainly keep up the 7 minute workouts though, and maybe do it a couple times a day to make up for the lack of walking during the fall/winter.

As far as what I'm eating, here's a list of the staples in my diet:

• Turkey Products (turkey sausage, bacon, regular turkey, etc..)
• Grilled/baked chicken
• Shrimp and Fish (mostly Tilapia)
• Cheese (Primarily part-skim mozzarella and provolone)
• Vegetables (Lots of salads,, primarily iceberg and romaine lettuce, fresh broccoli, baby carrots, sugar snap peas, green beans, etc..)
• Atkins products (They're kind of pricey.. Occasionally I'll buy a box of their meal replacement bars or I get their frozen meals sometimes, which are actually really really good!)
• Low-carb yogurt (Carbmaster brand from Kroger only has 4 carbs in a serving.)

Occasionally I'll have some strawberries, half a banana, or half an apple, or something like that. However fruits aren't a big part of my diet in this phase. Too many carbs. It's usually only if my blood sugar is low or if I'm really craving something sweet.

Here's an example of what I'll eat in a day: 

I don't log my food every day, just because it's a bit of a hassle but occasionally I will just to make sure I'm staying on track, and this is generally about where I'm at. I still can't eat very much at one sitting because of the size of my stomach, but I make it work. 

My doctor basically wanted me to have under 20 net carbs a day, and a goal of 100 grams of protein.. not to worry about where my calories were at. So that's what I've been doing.

To clear up any confusion: 

Total Carbohydrates - Sugar Alcohol & Fiber = Net Carbs

So based on what I ate on the 20th, I only had 12 net carbs, and 95 grams of protein.. which to be fair, is one of my better days. I don't always get that high on protein, and there have been a few days where I slipped up on carbs. so I'm really pleased with myself on the days I do that well. :)

Overall, I'm really pleased with how this diet is going and if you're looking for one to start, or maybe you had surgery and you want something to jump-start weight loss again, this is definitely worth looking into.. Don't make any impulsive decisions without talking to your doctor first, though. <3

Anywho, I hope you're all having a fantastic day and I shall talk to you all again soon. :)

-Ashley<3

Life Update - 2 years post op.

I haven't been updating this blog as regularly as I used to, and I apologize. I really tried to stick with it and I still get ideas for posts all the time, but I don't have as much time anymore! I'm doing some online courses to get a certificate to get into medical transcription, and I've been writing a lot more non-medical things, working on my skills to maybe start some freelance writing soon.. I need to get paid. I need a job, you know? I turned 18 last month and since I'm not in a typical 'university' setting I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.. Kind of crazy that your whole future depends on some decisions you make when you're still a teenager.. but it is what it is.

Anywho.. Alright. I guess I'll just get right into it. As far as surgery goes.. Still no complications. All of my bloodwork is perfect.. Vitamins, A1C, Insulin.. My fasting glucose is usually pretty low.. However generally speaking my blood sugar runs in the 80's most the time, so it's not too much of a stretch. My thyroid last checked was slightly elevated, so my endocrinologist bumped up my dose of Synthroid from 75 to 88.8 and if it's still high in a few weeks I'll go to 100. The nurse practitioner was surprised with my bloodwork.. usually they don't see patients who's vitamin d levels are perfect, and mine were.... It was funny because a week prior she had bumped my vitamin d from 1000 to 5000 because of other kids levels being low, then mine turned out fine... Admittedly, I don't hardly ever take my vitamin d supplement because.. well.. I don't really have a reason. I just typically don't bother with it since there's some combined with my calcium citrate (800iu) and then my multivitamin has some as well. Probably not the smartest decision on my part, but I mean.. it's been 2 years.. If I was going to go deficient in something, don't you think it would have happened by now? -- My LDL (bad cholesterol) is within normal range, and my HDL (good cholesterol) was actually elevated last checked, which is a good thing. And... yeah. I think that's about it as far as bloodwork is concerned.

I can eat about a cup of food at any sitting.. give or take, depending on the density of what I'm eating.. I generally eat 4-5 times a day, unless I'm an idiot (like this past weekend) and only eat once a day because I'm on a road trip and don't want to spend the money (and since I'm never physically hungry, I usually feel like I can get away with it until it's 2am and I feel like absolute crap.) No food intolerance's or issues with things getting 'stuck' in my esophagus or stomach.. Honestly, as far as my stomach goes, it's as if nothing had ever happened aside from how little I'm able to eat. Which is an awesome thing! Whenever anyone who doesn't already know asks and I don't feel like explaining it, I just say "I had surgery on my stomach when I was fifteen and it's left me not being able to eat very much at one sitting. No worries. I'm totally fine." and people seem to accept that as an answer. I used it the other day with a guy who asked, and given, he asked more questions.. which was totally fine. But I didn't have to elaborate too much. It was more along the lines of "Are you okay now?" as opposed to "Why?" Haha.

As far as weight loss goes.. Oh boy... Well, here we go. At my 2 year post-op appointment a little over a month ago, I hadn't lost weight since the last year appoitnment.. I think I lost like half a pound. Which is kind of ridiculous, because I don't eat junk... (I think I had frozen yogurt twice this past summer.. That was all the 'pigging out' I did.) I've never had much of a sweet tooth, you know? I've mentioned this dozens of times. That was never my issue. and I think everyone on my bariatric team finally decided to listen to me as far as that's concerned.. and my surgeon asked if I'd be wiling to be his 'guinea pig' and be the first patient of his to try this new diet of his, called the 5:2 diet.. which I had actually researched a bit before the appointment but hadn't tried.. So I was like, sure, why not. You think this will help me? Let's try it.. and I went all out.. did it for a few weeks, no issues.. But.. I gained 5 pounds... and immediately, I was freaking out. I had already had an appointment with my endocrinologist set up so I brought it up with her and asked why she thought that was and what she thought I should do.. She said the 5:2 diet works for a lot of people, but if my body didn't react to weight loss surgery like most other patients, clearly I need something slightly more extreme than excess calorie restriction 2 days a week... So she had me try the Atkins diet.. or, a modified version of it.. She wants me to aim for 100 grams of protein a day instead of 60 like I had been, and I'm currently still on phase 1 so I'm still consuming less than 20 net carbs a day as opposed to the 40-50 i was allowing myself during the 5:2 diet and I've already lost almost 10 pounds in 2 1/2 weeks... I'm down to 180-ish... So I'm pretty happy, and I'll probably be sticking with that for the time being.

I was supposed to have a follow up with my bariatric team about the 5:2 diet last week and I skipped out.. and I feel really bad about it. Because they wanted to use my results with this diet so to speak to help other kids but.... clearly, I'm not like all of the other kids they treat.. and I don't want them to base how they treat other kids after me.. I mean, if they find one with the same issues with me than great but.. So far no ones mentioned any so.. You know.. I'll leave it at that. Every other person I've talked to loses weight and eats junk.. given, they may not keep it off but.. I've worked my ass off trying to lose weight in the first place... and I've had enough trouble doing that, you know? I still don't have a real answer for why... but.. it is what it is. I'll continue going to my yearly appointments for the research study I signed up for,.. I feel like I need to.. there needs to be documentation that this tool isn't as much help to some people as it is for others..

As far as medications, my birth control has been switched a few times.. I'm on Sprintec now.. Also, Metformin 1000mg twice a day, Aldactone 50mg twice a day, and Synthroid 88.8mcg once a day.. I switched from monthly to yearly b12 injections, and I take a mutli-vitamin and my calcium citrate twice a day.

So yeah, I mean.. I don't regret having surgery. The benefit of never feeling hungry helps with some of these diets I've been doing, and it helped me find some amazing doctors who have worked with me and helped me figure out what I need to be doing as of right now.. just.. I was under the impression going into this that my Insulin Resistance would be gone after I had surgery, that I'd drop all my weight pretty quickly since I started at a lower weight than most, and that it'd be a relatively easy process as long as I stuck to my diet/exercise regimen.. and well, none of that happened. I didn't know going into it that I'd be talking to other patients the whole time who were doing so much better than me, and finding out how one of them was eating fried oreos and still losing 3 pounds a week.. Like... It's hard. It's been really hard. Also very frustrating. But it's made me a strong person, so at the end of the day I don't think I'd change anything. If I did, I don't know where I'd be today and that thought is a little unnerving.

As far as sizes go, I'd say what size shirt I am but it depends on the store.. and I like wearing things a lot loser these days.. I'm usually a medium or a large though. 40c bra, 16 pants (however I'm wearing a lot of leggings lately, and I'm usually a 'large' in those.)

Here are some pictures of me lately:

On my 18th birthday I drove up to Cleveland to see We The Kings (and a bunch of other bands) with my two best friends. :) (I'm on the right... a lot of people think me and my friend on the far left look a lot alike, haha.)

Road tripped with my brother and dad last weekend up to Kent to see another band at my friends house. :)

This was me earlier today (9/23/13) when i was about to leave for my brothers soccer game.

VVV

Soccer game. :) (Yes, I had 1/3 of a smoothie.. It was still in my carb allotment for the day. Shh.)

New tattoo I got a few months ago. :) It's on the back of my right shoulder. 

No makeup. You can tell my skin is a lot healthier than it used to be. Not as much acne (however close up there's still a lot of scarring from it.)

Oh yeah, and this is from the bariatric team's 'Summer Event' support group thing they held a couple months ago. I'm in the front on the right. Everyone there is doing so well and I'm really happy for them. I'm not a frequent support-group-goer because I live kind of far away and They're always friday nights, which I'm never able to get a ride for. But it was still nice catching up with some people, and meeting some new people as well. :)

and yeah, that's about it. :) 

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I hope this update filled some of you in.. and seriously, if anyone still reads this blog... Message me on facebook or twitter or email me! I'd love to talk to some of you, hear your stories.. If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm here. Need advice? I'm here.. I'm always checking my e-mail and facebook and what not (yay for smart phones) So just shoot me a message! I know what it feels like to be alone going through this.. not just surgery, but the metabolic issues seeing as those are mainly what I'm dealing with now anyway.. But either way.. You don't need to feel alone. You might feel like you are.. I always did. But you aren't. And you shouldn't feel that way going through something this important. 

I hope you all are having a fantastic day and I'll try and update this more often. :) Until next time.. Bye guys. <3

-Ashley(:

P.S. I had this song on repeat while I was writing this post: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLiUJyKdy3Y&list=FLN2Zuo7rzGnOe4f0e6EcQXQ&index=1 .. just in case any of you were curious. Which you probably weren't. 

About The CME Conference!

Long story short, the bariatric team at the hospital where I had surgery almost 2 years ago has nagged me about coming to support groups and being on the committee and what not, but I never can because they're always on days I can't come and I live farther away than most the people that go. Maybe once I have a car that will be different, but for the time being, I'm kind of stuck.. Haha.

So an opportunity came up for this conference that they have once a year, and they asked me to be on a patient panel.. and I managed to work out a ride, so I was able to!

The purpose of the conference was to teach other health care professionals about the benefits of weight loss surgery for teenagers.. The patient panel was basically for patients to give their perspective on it, and to answer any questions anyone had about how it was for us (and our parents, as well!).

(I've posted some pictures on my Facebook page, you can check them out here! I wish I had gotten more, haha.)

My friend Sydney who had surgery almost a year after me, well, she's someone I mentored through the program. I actually met her at one of her pre-op appointments, when I was about 6 weeks post op.. She was in the hospital during the panel due to treatments for a pseudo-tumor.. But she managed to get out of her room for awhile to come do the panel as well! Along with two girls named Cari and Anesha. - I had met Cari at the one support group I went to last summer, and this was the first time I had met Anesha! However we had talked online before, through the Facebook support group page that the team had set up for patients pre and post op. (:

We were told to get there at 11:30-12 but we weren't really needed until 1:30 so we just hung out for awhile, got our nametags, ate lunch, and went over the list of questions we were given as a basis for what we were going to be asked.. Sydney was smart and wrote down all her answers, haha. I just wrote down some notes, the other two girls winged it..

I was really nervous.. Despite how well-spoken I may seem, I have some serious anxiety issues when it comes to speaking,.. I'm terrible at holding conversations, answering questions, asking questions, etc.. So it was a real stretch for me to agree to do, and actually go through with, this. I nudged Sydney a few times during the panel because I was shaking really bad..

I don't like words being put in my mouth, and I don't like not being able to explain things well.. I like writing because I'm able to think about what I"m going to say before I type it, and you always have the option to backspace/delete and re type what you want to say.. You don't have that option when you're doing something like this. So I'm really glad it went as well as it did, or I'd probably still be beating myself up over it.. haha.

However, the panel wen't really smoothly. I was luckily last to go.. They asked one person, then the next person, then the next person, then me, the same question then just repeated over and over again for like 10 questions, then the surgeon (Dr. Inge) had opened it up so anyone watching could ask questions.. So we took a few of those questions and whoever wanted to answer, could.. And then Payal (our Social Worker who was asking the questions from the list) asked a few more, but then we ran out of time..

It only took about 40 minutes or so, and was a lot less stressful once I got in the hang of things. Normally when I'm really anxious my blood pressure sky rockets and my face and chest and arms get really flushed.. The the flush/blushing didn't happen this time though, so I was really happy.

I answered all the questions the way I wanted to for the most part.. Sure there was more I could have added that I wish I did, but I didn't freeze up or anything so I was pretty pleased with myself. Haha.

I didn't eat lunch with everyone else before hand because I felt sick to my stomach because I was so nervous, so after talking to some of the surgeons there and saying hi to my dietitian and a few other people, my mom and I left and were going to go to Olive Garden... Nope. The one we were going to go to was shut down. Then we decided Outback Steakhouse. Nope. They were shut down too! So we ended up going to Long-Horn Steakhouse.. and it was freaking delicious. I don't go out to dinner much anymore, let alone anywhere that costs more than 8-9 bucks for a meal. I kind of feel like it's a waste because I can't eat it all and what not, so I don't like wasting money. However! It was worth it. It was so good!

And that's basically it.. I'm really glad I decided to take part in it, I got to talk to a lot of people and (hopefully!) help some people understand what the process was like for me and how it can be beneficial for others.

I certainly sometimes have my fair share of doubt, wondering if the surgery was the best idea or if in the long run it was the best decision for me, personally.. but it has helped so many people, and just because I get frustrated doesn't mean it didn't help me.. It may have just helped me less than it does other people, and I'm okay with this, because it's still done a lot.

I answered all the questions from the panel in my last post (here!) in case anyone is curious.

I hope everyone's having an amazing day, and I'll update again soon!! :D

-Ashley<3(:

CME Patient Panel Q&A's.

I was asked to be part of a Patient Panel at Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center, where I had VSG surgery almost 2 years ago! It was part of a conference to teach people from around the world about weight loss surgery's affect on teens, and to get different perspectives on it (including patients who have gone through it).

I'll make a post talking all about that later, but I had a list of questions from the bariatric team that were basically a guideline of what we'd be asked there, and I thought I'd post the questions and answers here as well. (: We didn't get through all of them, because we added time for the people there learning to ask questions as well.. But they all kind of were the same things we would have gave information on, anyway. So here were basically all the questions that there were for the patients, and how I answered them (or how I would have answered them if I didn't freeze up.. I'm not much of a public speaker, haha.)

1.) Q- What were the triggers that provoked the thought of weight loss surgery?
A- I have a strong family history of obesity and the co-morbidies that go along with it.. I've been dealing with  Insulin Resistance literally since I was an infant.. I was always twice my size, showing signs of high insulin levels and what not.. Just, metabolic problems in adults, let alone children, weren't really relevant back in the 90's.. So I didn't get diagnosed until I was 5 or 6. Regardless, I knew what was happening to my body.. and after watching my grandma die of obesity complications,.. well.. I realized I didn't really want to go through that. I was desperate to find a way to get the weight off.. I was sick of being unhealthy, despite my parents, doctors, and my own attempts to get it off.

2.) Q- How did you hear about us?
A- Well, basically, the internet.. Haha. I was 15, and at a point where I was so frustrated with every diet and exercise regimine I had ever done not working, that I was looking for different 'cleanses' and diets and detox things to do.. I was at a point where I was starving myself, not eating more than a couple carrots or half of a banana a day and I only did that to take my medicines.. I knew my body was in 'starvation mode' but I didn't care, because I was so desperate to lose the weight.. -- I was on some website reading about some diet that I hadn't tried before, when I saw an add for weight loss surgery.. then I got curious. I started to think "Oh, i wonder if they would do that on someone my age?" and I spent some time researching it, then came across Cincinnati Children's program for teen WLS... I spent more time researching it, joined websites like www.obesityhelp.com and talked to people who had had different types of surguries, and eventually made up my mind.. at which point I brought it up to my parents, showed them what I had learned, and we made appointments with some doctors to try and get a referral for a consult.

3.) Q- Was it difficult to lose weight pre-surgery? What were the barriers?
A- Well for me, I've been going to doctors and dietitans and what not since I was a toddler.. Diet and Exercise weren't necessarily my problem at this point, it was more not having the medication portion in piece. Before I got things rolling for the consult and started seeing doctors again, something I had previously pretty much given up on, I hadn't realized how terrible my health had gotten.. I had never really lost weight.. I only managed to maintain for awhile, before gaining more.. No one really knew how to treat IR in kids when I was younger. So once I got the medication part in piece, I lost 35lbs almost immediatley right before my consult.. So weight loss without the medications kind of seemed to be impossible. And still to this day is.. I didn't lose weight whenever I wasn't on my medications, post-op. People didn't think I'd need them after surgery, but I did and still do, at least for the time being. So, yeah.. the barriers were not having my health conditions treated correctly. People questioned why I decided to have surgery, when I lost almost 40 pounds with the medication changes and my answer was always that I wanted somethign more permanent, because I had been in situations where medications didn't help either, and I wanted that tool there in place so I could use it regardless, it's not something that goes away.. It's always going to be there. There's no reversal.

4.) Q- Which surgery did you get, and why?
A- I had the Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I chose the sleeve because I didn't like the idea of the band possibly eroding my esophagus/stomach and needing fills, or the idea of the bypass.. I didn't like the idea of having my stomach removed, but still inside of me.. not really having access to it, you know? It just seemed a little unsettling. -- Also, the sleeve had a shorter anesthesia time, which was definitely a plus.

5.) Q- How were the pre-op clinic appointments?
A- They were good! I got any questions I had answered, lots of testing was done to assure I had the best care possible, and that there weren't any surprises during/after surgery.. And the bariatric team was really good at working with my other doctors (Family Physician & Endocrinologist, specifically) to let them know what was going on, and to schedule testing closer to home since I live about an hour away from Cincinnati, etc.. It was a surprisingly easy and relatively short-lived experience for me, seeing as my insurance only required 3 months of pre-op clinic.

6.) Q- Did you feel better prepared for surgery after these appointments?
A- Well, yeah. I knew what was going to happen and I had met pretty much everyone taking part in it.. I was really well prepared, and totally at ease with my decision.

7.) Q- How was your in-patient experience of surgery and recovery?
A- Aside from me being an idiot and denying myself pain medication post-op for awhile because I didn't think I'd need it, it was pretty easy.. The worst pain was from the gas due to it being laprascopic.. My hospital stay was only 2.5-3 days, and it was really uneventful.. No complications really.. I was a little irritable when I was in pain when I was denying myself the medication, but other than that, that's really it. (:

8.) Q- tell us about your relationship with food.. How did it change pre and post-surgery?
A- My relationship with food is pretty much the same.. I had always been a relatively healthy eater, I was never fond of sugar because it was something I never really had because I was always on diets, I was relatively good with portion sizes up until the year before surgery because i was so frustrated that I was starving myself.. So if anything it's better simply because I'm eating more frequently so my body isn't starving,  regardless of if the quantity is smaller than most peoples.. It's more than I was eating pre-op, and less than I was eating when I was younger when I couldn't seem to lose the weight. So it's alright, I guess. Just more scheduled.

9.) Q- Tell us about food and socialization post-surgery. Did it change? How?
A- I didn't socialize much before surgery, and I still don't socialize much because most of my friends live pretty far away.. It requires driving to the opposite corner of the state to see them, HOWEVER, i have taken more road trips to see them in the past 2 years than I ever had pre-op.. I've also made more friends when I take those trips, than the 1 or 2 i had.. I don't really associate food with socialization. I know most people do, but I don't.. They honestly have nothing to do with each other for me.

10.) Q- What was the worst part of the surgery process?
A- Definitely the plateaus with the weight loss.. I have a lot of metabolic problems, and I started at a lower weight than most people do having surgery.. So my weight loss has been slower, and that's been extremely frustrating for me.. I don't lose weight without the medications I'm on, and it seems like I have to work harder than most to lose the weight, just like I always have when I was younger when I'd try to maintain. I always seem to compare myself to other patients i've kept in contact with, and how they're doing.. I wonder what I'm doing wrong and why they're losing more weight and at a faster pace than me.. When in reality, I'm probably still eating healthier and exercising more than half of the ones that I've spoken to.. My lifestyle is so much more healthy.. They're eating junk and still losing weight, just because it's less junk than they took in before.. where for me, my diet was fine pre-op as for what I was eating, so yet another factor against me losing weight.. My body never went into shock like most peoples do with surgery.. You know? -- So, I 100% understand why I lose weight slower than most patients, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating. Even now almost 2 years out it's still the number 1 reason why i'm ever upset or frustrated, haha.

11.) Q- What was the best part of surgery?
A- Well, obviously the weight loss is great, despite how slow it is. But I'd have to go with the people I've met.. If I had never found out that surgery was a possibility, I would have never fought to get a referral (which my family doctor wouldn't send) which lead me to the amazing endocrinologist that I have here, Dr. Nicholson. She's been a life saver when it comes to all of my metabolic problems, and figuring everything out and organizing all my medications and what not.. Also, the bariatric team, not just for surgery.. But the dietary aspect.. If I didn't have Kathy (the dietitian on board with CCHMC WLS program) to email when I get frustrated when I'm not able to get enough calories or protein or, or Linda (nurse practitioner) to have my mom call to ask about different things, I probably would have lost my mind by now.. Everyone has been so helpful in managing every aspect of my health, not just the stomach-being-removed portion.. That's definitely the best part for me. (:

12.) Q- Tell us about the health conditions that have changed post-surgery.
A- Pre-op I had Insulin Resistance that had crossed over to Type 2 Diabetes, PCOS, Hypothyroidism, Hypertension, and Sleep Apnea. Post-op I still have IR, but the Type 2 is gone.. The Hypertension is gone, and Sleep Apnea is gone. I still have IR, PCOS, and Hypothyroidism.. But it's much better controlled than it was pre-op.

13.) Q- Tell us about taste changes post-surgery?
A- There are some days I don't tolerate bread or pasta well, sometimes pork doesn't go over well either.. But it's not all the time. It just depends on the day.. Generally, I haven't had many food intolerances. Sugar doesn't go down well, obviously, but it never really did for me pre-op either, so that hasn't really changed.

14.) Q- How relationships were and are?
A- I had a lot of toxic friendships pre-op. Friends who treated me like crap, and ended up leaving me when I had surgery.. They either a) were jealous of me getting it or b) thought I was stupid for going through with it.. They didn't (and weren't willing to try to) understand my health problems or why it was a good choice for me.. But in the end, their opinions didn't matter to me.. I had been bullied my entire life for my weight, to the point where I left school temporarily in 7th grade to do home schooling because I couldn't handle the way everyone treated me (some teachers, included.) So I was at a point where I would take what I could get when it came to relationships, since I was so use to people treating me like crap. -- Post-op, those people left. I was in a position where I could go out more, even if it required trips to 3+ hours away to see my friends, it was worth it compared to having bad people around me.. I've made more friends, despite them living further away.. and I wouldn't trade those friendships for anything.

15.) Q- How do you keep yourself motivated to take multivitamin, and stick to diet and exercise?
A- Vitamins aren't a problem.. I have so many prescription medications that I take, I just have all my vitamins out by them and I'm pretty compliant with them. Sure, I miss a dose here or there, but it's not an every day thing. -- Diet really isn't much of a problem either, other than reminding myself to eat.. But exercise is more difficult. But I know I have to do it, to lose weight. and I want to get the weight off. Also, a big motivator for me is this blog. I use it to keep myself accountable.. I want to do well, so this blog does well, so people can see that despite whatever challenges they face that there is always a way to get what you want done accomplished. I know what I have to do, and I do it.. That's really all there is.

16.) Q- Do you think post-surgery follow up appointments are important and why?
A- Yeah I do, because the support system is really important. Also getting blood work done and what not to make sure you're still healthy and to adjust medications that need adjusted. It's just important to your overall health, physically and mentally, to have that support there.

17.) Q- What are the reactions of friends and family about your surgery decision and outcome?
A- Like I mentioned before, most of my friends didn't agree with it.. However my one friend that I go to concerts and road trip a lot with, was really accepting. Her mom had also had weight loss surgery, so she kind of understood it despite it being a different surgery, and there were no problems. -- Most of my extended family was 100% opposed to it, saying that my parents were stupid for allowing me to go through with it and allowing me to 'manipulate' them. However, now that they see there were no complications and that I"m healthier and that I have lost weight, they try to act like they've supported me the entire time... I have to bite my tongue a lot when I'm around them, haha. But I deal with it, I guess. My immediate family though was pretty supportive. My dad was kind of apathetic, my mom was all for it, my little brothers didn't mind it, and that's all that really mattered to me.

18.) Q- Energy level and sleep pattern.. how are they different pre and post-surgery?
A- My energy level is much higher, and I sleep better. I'm still slightly nocturnal, but I'm on a much more normal schedule than I was pre-op, and the fact that the sleep apnea is gone really helps as well. (:

19.) Q- How was your support group experience?
A- I haven't been to many support groups.. Actually I've only been to one, and it was good! But I can never make majority of them because I live a little over an hour away, and I typically don't have a ride. (I don't have a car, so driving myself isn't an option.) However, I spend a lot of time on the Facebook support group page that the team has created for everyone.. I think it's a really great thing to go along with the program, because you can almost guarantee that at any given time there will be at least one person online and willing to talk if you have any questions or need support (I'm usually one of those people.. I have a bit of an internet addiction. shh. :P) Sometimes people feel more comfortable talking to people online through text rather than in person verbally, because you have more time to really form your thoughts into what you want to say/ask.. It's just a really good platform for that. -- I've been told by different members of the bariatric team that people have used my name, saying that I've helped them through the support group page, or that they've taken my advise on things, and I don't know.. I have absolutely no idea who these people are, but I'm really glad I was able to help them with whatever we had talked about, and hearing that I was able to help someone online even though I can't make the support groups is a really great feeling.


---------------------

So yeah, those were all the questions that we were prepared with.. There were a few that people asked that I don't particularly remember, so when/if I do I'll add those to this list as well. (:

I hope everyone has a great day, and a post all about the experience of being on the panel will be coming soon!

Bye <3

-Ashley (:

All About The Medications: Metformin

Most people take medications/supplements at some point in their life, whether it be ibuprofen for a headache, a multivitamin, an antibiotic when you get sick, etc.. But when you have a chronic condition of sorts, or need help controlling something that your body doesn't control itself the way it should (insulin, glucose levels, vitamin levels, stomach acid, pain, etc..) Sometimes doctors prescribe medicine to take on a daily basis for extended periods of time, sometimes forever depending on your situation.

Not everyone chooses to take medications.. There are wholistic approaches to controlling these kind of things too.. but it's debatable under certain circumstances how well they take care of certain things, vs RX medications.

Regardless, I decided to make a few posts about the different medications that are popular/commonly used to control Insulin Resistance, PCOS, Hypothyroidism, Hypertension... basically used to control anything that can cause weight gain or that was caused by weight gain.

This post is about the drug Metformin (aka: Metformin SR, Glucophauge, Glucophauge XR, Riomet, Fortamet, Glumetza, Obiment, Gluformin, Dianben, Diabex, and Diaformin.) ('SR' after a drug means slow release, and 'XR' means extended release... They are typically in capsule form, rather than a tablet.)

Metformin is used as a weight loss aid, along with diet and exercise (and other medications/treatments), to help control whatever condition it was prescribed for.. Which is typically a disease/condition that can be either cured or controlled by weight loss. (Pre-Diabetes, Type 2 Diabetes, IR, etc..) It's also been used to treat PCOS, NAFLD (Non-Alcoholic Fatty Liver Disease), and pre-mature puberty.. All 3 of which are conditions that are associated with Insulin Resistance.

The way it has been explained to me by a couple doctors is, with Insulin Resistance, your pancreas produces insulin.. your cells just don't react to it. So instead of your body metabolizing the food you take in and using it for energy, it gets stored as fat. This medicine helps control high blood sugar by limiting how much sugar is created by your liver, and helps your cells be more sensitive to the insulin your body creates.. That way your body actually uses the food you eat properly, if that makes sense, haha. For some people it also suppresses their appetite, so they aren't always super hungry (which note: can be a side effect of high insulin levels, too). That doesn't apply to everyone who takes the medicine, though.

Side Effects of Metformin: 

• Upset Stomach (diarrhea, cramps, nausea, gas, and vomiting.)
• Lactic Acidosis (Which is a build up of lactate in your liver, that can be harmful.Symptoms of Lactic Acidosis are: Muscle pain or weakness, numb or cold feeling in arms or legs, trouble breathing, feeling dizzy or lightheaded, stomach pain, nausea, slow or uneven heart rate, Anxiety, Lethargy, anemia. Although a rare side effect, it is advised that you get immediate medical help if you experience this.)
• Headache or Muscle Pain

"Remember that your doctor has prescribed this medication because he or she has judged that the benefit to you is greater than the risk of side effects. Many people using this medication do not have serious side effects." **

Info about Metformin:

• Obviously, don't take it if you're allergic to it; or if you're in a state of diabetic ketoacidosis.
• If you need to have an X-ray or CT scan using dye, you should temporarily stop taking Metformin to prevent Lactic Acidosis due to how the liver processes the dye as well as the medication.
• Before you start taking Metformin, make sure your doctor is aware of any liver disease, or history of Heart Disease.
• Metformin should be taken with meals, unless your doctor says otherwise. Follow whatever directions your doctor says, along with whatever is on the RX bottle.
• Don't crush crew or break an extended release pill.
• Don't change your medication dose or schedule without your Doctors knowledge/advise.

That's about it.. (:

If you are prescribed this medication, take it as prescribed and see how it works for you. Keep in touch with your doctor, let them know if you experience any side effects, and ask them any questions that you have about the medicine.

Hope you all are having a great day, and I'll be back on here soon! (: 

-Ashley<3

Sources: 

http://www.drugs.com/metformin.html

http://www.rxlist.com/glucophage-side-effects-drug-center.htm **

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lactic_acidosis

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metformin 

There is more than one way to go about this.

This is something I want to make clear to people... This blog isn't just about weight loss surgery for teenagers. That is one thing I chose to do to help me get healthier, among many many other decisions/tools I've used. That's just it, though. It was/is just a tool.

I post a lot of information about it, and my journey through it, because people deserve to know they have options, and when I was looking for information about it from a teenagers perspective, there was none. But! That is a personal decision.. I try to include information on a bunch of other things too...

I'm currently researching vegetarianism/veganism in people with metabolic conditions (IR, Diabetes, Thyroid issues, etc..), or people that have had weight loss surgery, etc.. To be able to put that information on here, along with going Gluten free diets. (because I've recently been in contact with a couple people post-op who have developed gluten in-tolerances  and because I know gluten free diets have been known to aid weight loss with or without the surgery tool.)

There are a hundred different ways to go about treating different health conditions/losing weight.. Not the same thing works for every person. You know? Some people need medications, others don't. Some decide to use surgery as a tool to lose weight, others don't. Some people find going vegetarian, gluten free, or extremely limiting their dietary intake to work. Not for everyone. Cleanses/fasts work for some people, but it doesn't for others. Some people don't need a lot of exercise to lose weight, others do. Do you see where I'm going with this?

I've gotten in.. well.. I don't want to say arguments, but.. debates.. I guess? With people who have come to the Facebook page I have for this site, or people who have emailed me.. Saying that I'm sending a negative message, trying to justify being obese, that I'm going about everything wrong and that all my doctors and my parents and everyone, myself included, is wrong. That I'm treating my condition wrong and that I"m going to die young because of what I put into my body medication-wise and that everything is bad and wrong wrong wrong.

I don't agree with this. Everyone assumes because I'm 17 that I don't know shit and people are taking advantage of me...

They'd never admit to it, but a couple doctors/nurses I've seen before I know have gotten slightly annoyed with me because I research everything and they weren't expecting to have to explain things to me more than they would for some other kids. I've gotten more than one opinion on how my health is being treated. I've seen so many doctors, it's ridiculous.

Just because I'm not vegan, or because I'm not on 100% organic foods, or because I'm not doing cleanses, etc.. Those aren't the reasons I got to be overweight, nor are they the reasons I'm not losing weight as fast as I'd like to be.

It's just how my body works. Have I tried extreme diets before? Are you kidding me? I've tried everything. Cutting out all processed foods, eating ONLY fruits & vegetables, I did try one or two cleanses before, I got as far as literally starving myself and only eating a small handful of baby carrots & half a banana every day... and I only ate those so I could continue taking medications without my blood sugar dropping and making me sick. I've been on medications, there was a period where I was off medications and my weight skyrocketed.

Diet isn't the only factor. Medications aren't the only factor. Exercise isn't the only factor. There are so many people who see things on different doctor related freaking television shows, that think they know everything... If that works for you, then great. That's fantastic, and I'm happy for you. And I hope maybe one day these extremely un-educated people will educate themselves and realize there is more than 1 way to go about everything. Including weight loss and treating metabolic conditions.

Every one's body is different.. Some people like to claim every one's body was created and works exactly the same, and if everyone did just *this this this this and this* everyone would be perfectly healthy and never get cancer and never develop diabetes and wouldn't be at risk for Alzheimer's and everyone would fucking live forever... And that just isn't the case.

If you're trying to lose weight, don't let anyone peg you into doing what they think is best. You need to figure it out for yourself. Get more than one opinion, and try more than one thing. Don't get discouraged. Eventually you will find what works for you, and the results will prove themselves.

I'm trying to get more and more of those options, and different things to try, ways to go about it, etc.. On my blog, because so far I've only really posted what I've done and what works for me.. But I know from experience there are 100's of ways to go about it all, and what works for me doesn't work for everyone.. Like I've said before, people need to be aware of their options & make educated decisions for themselves.

I hope every one's having a great day. <3 I'll post again soon. (:
-Ashley

What is this blog about?

Some people ask me what my blog is about.. If it's just me updating everyone on how WLS went for me, or a place to rant about all of my metabolic problems, or if it's informational, etc..

Truth is, it's a combination of it all.

When I was looking into surgery, I wanted to see how the whole process was from a (teenage) patients perspective. Not doctors. Not adults journeys. Someone near my age, that had been through similar things.. But because this is such a new thing, there isn't much documentation or anything like that online.. (not to mention not much research done at all long-term yet.)

Then I realized how nice it would have been if I could have found information online with kids dealing with Insulin Resistance, Hypothyroidism, PCOS, etc.. But again, there isn't much out there.

When I was first diagnosed with IR when I was 6 years old, that was kind of unheard of back in 2000/2001.  It was damn near a miracle that the doctor we found at the time was there, because no one even hardly knew what IR was in adults, much less young children/teenagers. There weren't really support groups for this kind of stuff (there still really isn't.) and I had no way of meeting other people with it, or talking to anyone, or knowing what it was like for anyone else.

So no. This isn't just about the weight loss surgery I had in August 2011. That was originally why I started the blog, but it's spread to a lot more than that.

I do informational posts, because through talking to people that have had surgery.. I've realized how privileged I am to have the knowledge I do about certain health-related topics. How lucky I was to see a dietitian at such a young age, and understand how your body processes food, what you need to stay healthy, what to eat to lose/maintain weight, etc.. I knew how to read labels when I was 8 years old. I learned portion sizes, etc... all before I was 10.

Not just diet, but exercise too. And the whole biological side of things? Through doctors explaining things to me, and doing my own research because I'm interested in my health, I understand a lot more than your average person about these kind of topics.. And to be honest? I enjoy researching and learning more, and sharing what I learn with other people. Writing has always been something I'm passionate about, and so has my health. Being able to mix those two things is kind of amazing. Education is a huge part of this whole process of trying to get healthy. Everyone is constantly learning, that's kind of just how this works.. and some times it's easier to learn things in plain English (given, if that's your primary language) rather than the technical terms a lot of doctors use.. Which is what I try to translate, in a sense.

So yeah. The informational posts certainly drive a lot of traffic to my blog. So do the pictures I post. And that's kind of my goal.. I want to drive people here. I want something to catch someones eye, and they spend a time reading even just one of my other posts.

I want people to learn more about these issues, how they affect younger people differently than adults, and the toll it takes on them.

I want to be able to have people to talk to, or that I know understand what I'm going through.. no matter what stage they're in. If they were just diagnosed with IR, if they've had it 10 years, if they were born with it, if they were looking into surgery, if they've already had surgery, if they're struggling with weight loss and maybe they don't understand why... all of it! There needs to be some sort of support network for these kind of things.. It affects so much more than just your physical health. and I know from experience it means/helps so much more, coming from someone who has gone through it.. compared to a doctor who has only studied it, or an adult who developed these issues/had surgery later on in life, etc..

I want people who have no clue what the hell any of this is, or who don't understand why the hell a surgeon would remove 85% of a 15 year old's stomach, to learn something.. to become more aware of these issues.

I want someone who is overweight looking for answers to stumble across this and be like "oh. maybe this is what's wrong." and even if it isn't, it may have given them the motivation to go to a doctor and get tested, and then even if absolutely nothing is wrong.. They went to see a doctor who could help guide them and get them on the right track to losing weight in a healthy way.

In all honesty, I was that desperate 13 year old looking for starvation-style diets online and going to pro-ana (pro-anorexia)  websites when I was frustrated with everything doctors and dietitians had told me before, not working..This was before I got a grip and switched doctors, and got on the right medications, and looked into surgery. I knew I was IR.. I ate healthy, i exercised.. But I didn't know about everything else I had developed that was contributing to all of my excess weight. I wish I had come across something like this a few years ago.. it probably could have helped me a lot. But I didn't. Now I'm in a position where I've learned so much, it feels kind of selfish not to share it with anyone.. you know?

So yeah. That's it. I'm in the process of going through every single post I have and editing them, updating information, etc.. Because a lot of them haven't been updated since 2011 and a lot has changed. I never used to really pay much attention to my spelling/grammar errors simply because I never thought anyone would ever see this site. Which isn't true anymore. It's kind of embarrassing going back and seeing how many times I misspelled 'exercise' or 'vertical'. :P

I just wanted to post this.. More and more people are looking at this site now, and I figured I should mention what it's all about.

Bottom line is.. There is no support network for people who have all of these problems. Not just in-person support groups, because there usually aren't enough people in an area to start a support group. Everything these days is online, and I think if there was more information out there a lot of people would be a lot better off. I want to share everything I'm going through, because surgery-wise I want people to know what they're getting themselves into to make sure they're prepared, and metabolic-wise I want everyone to know they aren't crazy, these diseases are real, and with proper diet/exercise/medication combo they can be treated, or at least dealt with. People need to understand their options, and know what's out there. I'm a strong believer in doing your own research and getting more than 1 opinion from doctors. If you see something on here that catches your eye, google it, ask your doctors.. Clearly, I'm not a doctor, nor do I aspire to be one. I'm just a girl sharing what she learns with other people, hoping in some way it could potentially help someone, or make someone more aware.

Lastly, I just want people to know they're not alone.. I've felt alone my entire life, and sometimes still do, dealing with this. No one should have to feel like they're alone going through all of this, because you aren't. I promise.

---

I hope you're all having a good day, and I'll update again soon! (:

-Ashley<3

P90x? What?

So, I've always had an issue with exercise tapes/programs. It's been a love/hate relationship ever since I was a little kid.

As I've mentioned numerous times before, my weight problems started literally when I was 2 or 3 years old. Therefor, dieting and exercise started as soon as it could. I was in exercise programs starting at 5 years old, and I was doing Richard Simmons Sweatin' to the Oldies tapes for half an hour to an hour a day..

Eventually we found more kid-oriented exercise tapes, and I got into the video game DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) which worked pretty well, but I got burnt out pretty quickly and hated them. I always preferred doing my own routines for dancing or trying to convince my parents to get a gym membership, because i hated staring at a TV for an hour a day, because I knew it was exercise. It felt like exercise. I would go on walks/jogs to appease my parents just to shut my mom up so I didn't have to do an exercise tape.

Well... After years of just doing things like that, obviously I'm not seeing many results.. I want to build muscle and lose weight quicker than I have been. So, even though I swore to myself I'd never do an exercise program again, I've decided to try p90x.

Not meaning do it for one day then quit. I mean... I actually want to complete the program.

Programs like that that are made for 90 days seem easier to me, because there is a goal. You can cross every day off that you complete it, and feel accomplished. It doesn't feel like it'll go on forever.

I'm on my 5th day now... and I can tell you, I'm amazed I haven't stopped. I've made it through every one so far. (However, I have had some issues with Yoga.. because I have tendinitis in my wrists, it's hard to put a lot of pressure on them on the floor things... So I've been replacing the yoga with cardio, and anytime there is anything that hurts my wrists, I just jog in place until the next move/etc..)

I'm really proud of myself. I thought I was much more out of shape than this, but I guess not.

No, I didn't buy the program. I'm dirt poor. No money. I'm trying to save money for college. But I found a YouTube channel of a man who has done Insanity & P90x, and he posted all the videos online... And I also found the workout schedule online, so that's what I've been following.

Channel with the videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/butterbrown1961/videos?sort=da&view=0&flow=grid

Schedule: http://www.p90xworkoutschedule.org/ (I'm doing the Lean option)

I can tell you my muscles are all ridiculously sore, and even the workouts that aren't made for cardio get your heart rate (or at least mine) up to 180 or so for the solid hour (or however long) you're doing them, which is exactly what I need.

I emailed my dietitian, asking if I needed to up my calories (because the average burned during these workouts is 500-600 per workout).. and she said yes, to up them.. Have a protein shake or protein-rich smoothie every day with the workout... So I've started doing that (despite how much I hate protein powder) and that's that. I've been having one after every workout, and to get all the calories I need in I have to eat every 3 hours... but it's worth it. so worth it.

I haven't lost any weight yet while starting the program, and I know when I gain muscle even if I'm losing fat, my body may change even when my weight doesn't.. and I'm okay with that. I miss having all the muscle I used to have.

So... yeah. that's that. We'll see how this goes, and I'll keep everyone updated. (: I'm determined to stick to this...

Hope every one's having a great day, and I'll update soon! bye. <3

-Ashley

Surgery Update! 18 months post-op.

Okay... I've been really bad at updating this lately. I'll try to get back into it, I promise! Haha.

I'll be 18 months post-op (VSG) in a week or two. I have my 18month follow-up appointment on February 21st. It's been a crazy year and a half... things are constantly changing.

My medications have changed a lot, a bunch of different times, after surgery. Weight wise, I go through stalls like every month.. but then i drop five pounds then i go through another stall.. Which I guess I'm okay with. It's better than nothing. I'm glad i'm still losing, because for awhile right after surgery I didn't lose anything because of medication issues.

Highest weight ever: 285lbs in 2010.
Weight on day of surgery: (08-19-2011) 250lbs
Weight today: (2-7-13) 185lbs.

So, I've lost 100lbs. Some of that pre-surgery, some post-op.. I'm not at my goal weight yet. I still have 40 pounds or so to go. I really hope I get there, asap. I've been working for this so long, I just really want to be there.

I don't want my life to focus around the number on the scale, so I try not to focus on that too much anymore.. Because I am healthier than I have been in a long time. But it's hard not to, when my entire life up until this point has been focused around my weight.

I'm having more issues eating lately, than I did originally post-op. I typically always avoid sugar/fat. Or I try to. I've never liked it. I was never allowed much sugar when I was younger, so I've always been in this mental state that sugar is bad. So the idea of even taking a sip of a regular coke, or a bite of a cookie, makes me sick to my stomach.. Therefor I never actually want to do that.

The only things that go over well 100% are fruits and vegetables, which sucks, because those don't have much protein. I have greek yogurt a lot, different cheeses.. skim milk (1% & 2% make me feel sick). Dairy is okay.. sometimes. But there are sometimes it doesn't sit well with me either. Meat-wise, shrimp usually goes over okay.. Deli meat can, like, sliced turkey or ham or chicken? Salami is okay usually. but more dense things don't anymore. It's hard for me to eat steak or a roast or something... Pork has never gone over well. At all. I can't go near pork anymore, haha.

So, I manage. It's just hard, because some days I can eat more than others, and some days certain foods sit well when the next day those same foods won't. So a lot of the time I end up feeling sick, because it's constantly changing.

One day I could eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, greek yogurt and fruit for a snack, a couple oz of deli meat and carrots and ranch dressing for lunch, string cheese and some turkey pepperoni for a snack, and then have a small, or half of a burger (no bun, lean meat, homemade) with cheese and a small salad for dinner.. (total volume never reaching over 8-12oz for the most part)

Where the next day I'd feel absolutely terrible if I tried greek yogurt, or a bowl of cereal. Where I don't want to go near a burger, and the only thing I'm able to get down is a cup or two of vegetable soup and a few pieces of pineapple. One or two slices of deli-meat, if I'm lucky... That's all day.

It's confusing, and I don't know why it's like that. No one can seem to explain it. I asked my endocrinologist yesterday when I went for a follow-up, and she gave me a prescription for Prevacid to see if that may help.. So we'll see. But if it doesn't I'll probably end up with a referral to GI (actually, I think she ordered one anyway.... I'm not sure. I'll have to double check that.)

But regardless, I've been doing my best. Some days I don't get enough protein because of it. But I'm doing what I can. I really don't like eating though...

My hunger still hasn't returned since surgery. None. I have to remind myself to eat. I guess there could be worse situations to be in....

Medication wise, I'm on 75mcg Synthroid for my thyroid.. 1000mg Metformin 2x day for Insulin Resistance, and 50mg Aldactone 2x a day for hormones/blood pressure/diuretic purposes. and Ogestrel birth control for PCOS. I take a Multivitamin 2x a day, and Calcium citrate twice a day as well. I'm terrible with taking a separate vitamin D, but there is 800ui of Vitamin D in the calcium citrate i take, and my blood work seems to consistently come back just great vitamin-wise, so I'm not too worried about that...

Exercise wise, I'm doing good. (: In the post I made about motivation a couple weeks (months?) ago I mentioned a Tumblr I made for motivation, and I've found a lot of great exercise ideas on there. Different routines people have came up with, songs to exercise to, etc.. That are much more interesting to try than doing the same thing over and over again each day.

I really want to build up more muscle that I'm sure I lost. I used to be an athlete. I played a bunch of sports, danced, and had a lot of muscle.. My legs still do. but I'm not nearly as strong anywhere else, so I've been doing a lot with my resistance band. I only have 1 & 3lb weights right now. I want to get 5lb & 10lb weights. When I get some more money, we'll see. (:

I also made a playlist on YouTube of videos I found that have exercise routines.. The Livestrong YouTube channel has a ton!!

Overall, I think everything is going alright. I know it goes a lot worse for some people, so I'm okay with all of this. Nothing is easy. I'm used to this. It feels better knowing I'm working harder for the weight loss.. The chances are better that it will stay off because it's coming off slower, and I feel better about it... Because it has not been an easy fix like a lot of people say. I don't even like the word fix. Because it didn't fix anything. It's helped. But nothings fixed entirely. but I'm okay with that.

I just have to accept the fact that nothing comes easy, and I need to keep working harder and harder as time goes on, to get to where I want to get to.

I hope every one's having a great day, and I'll talk to you all soon!

Talk to me on Facebook or Twitter or Email me or something!!!! I'd love to talk to some more people. (:

Bye<3
-Ashley(: