Live life to the fullest.

I've used this summer to really get myself on track.. With doctors and exercise and what not.. I'm still having extremely slow weight loss.. But you know what? I'm tired of my life revolving around my weight. It always has. Ever since I was 2-3 years old. My weight doesn't define me. Or it shouldn't, anyway. Some people like to make it seem like it does but.. It doesn't.

I've realized that when making such a huge life change, whether it be surgery or other health issues or even not health related.. a break up/divorce, moving, switching schools, anything.. It's really important to take care of yourself.. Not just eating right and exercising.

Along this journey I've met a lot of people that I probably would have never met, otherwise. Not just people from a support group or certain doctors.. But real friends. I've always had issues making friends.. But when I became confident in my doctors helping me get healthy, I became more confident in myself.. I've found myself doing things I never thought I'd do before.. Or things I wanted to do, but couldn't.

I lost a lot of friends over this journey.. But I've gained so many more, and they don't even realize that most my life has revolved around this kind of stuff.. They take me at face value. For me.

It's an amazing feeling.

Not just that, but I've started taking better care of myself.. I've always had social anxiety issues. But I've been applying for jobs, doing volunteer work, and all sorts of stuff...I would always sleep in the living room on the couch because I felt claustrophobic in my room. I had no motivation to clean it, ever. You couldn't walk 2 feet into it without tripping and risking death.. I cleaned it. I have a bed in there now (I didn't before.. my friend had broke it and i never put a new one in.)

I don't live on the computer anymore. I've been lazy and put off getting my license, but I'm almost finished with drivers ed. (:

It's just.. It's an overall positive thing, and I want everyone to experience it. It's an amazing thing.

No matter what big change you're going through, whether it be surgery/health stuff like mine, or a divorce/breakup, or switching schools.. or anything.. Remember to take care of yourself. If you get yourself stuck in a rut, you can get yourself out.

I've quit spending money on clothes. It's not worth it. I wear baggy clothes, and I go to concerts. I enjoy creating memories for myself because I blocked so much of my life out.. I call up old friends, go to an arcade.. go on a late night run to Sonic just to catch up with someone.. This is the first real summer I think I've ever had... That wasn't revolved around my health,.. or where I wasn't too depressed to leave the house.

There's so much more... Just.. I had an amazing summer. It was the first time I've really had to take care of myself and just have a good time. If you don't find things to make yourself happy, you won't be happy. Do things you enjoy. Life is short!

I guess the point of this is.... I'm healthier. I'm still in the process of losing weight but... To be honest..? I've only weighed myself maybe 3 or 4 times this summer, vs every week.. My weight doesn't define me and my life doesn't revolve around it. Of course it's still a huge goal of mine to continue losing weight, but there is more to my life than just that. My quality of life is so much better.. not only did I take it into my own hands to get physically healthier by having this surgery.. But I took it into my own hands to not be a hermit. To not hide in my room anymore. To enjoy life. I'm tired of wasting time.

It's an extremely empowering feeling knowing that you've done so much for yourself.. That you've changed so much.. When you realize how far you've come..

No matter what change you're dealing with in your life, remember to take care of yourself.. and make yourself happy. This is the only life you get. Make the most of it.

Have a great day!!

-Ashley.

Here are some pictures from my summer, things I've done.. Things I'll never forget. (Warning: Lots of pictures.. Making this post a lot longer than necessary.)

bowling. (:

 

Went to the pool a TON this summer.. I got a tan for the first time since i was like 12.. haha

 

Went to the Lego store in Cincinnati for my brothers 9th birthday. (:

 

Made home-made cherry pie (and lots of other stuff) for the 4th of July. I bake a lot.. ha ha

 

Went to coney island (waterpark/amusementpark) on my dads week off! went canoeing for the first time in years.. I've always loved it. <3 haha

 

warped tour!!!! I was going to use a picture of one of my favorite bands but this one kind of helps you visualize just how huge it was.. and this was only 1 of the 8 or 9 stages.. :P

 

went fishing. (: i didn't catch anything but 2/3 of my brothers did!

 

I kind of have a thing for campfires.. :P I had to have at least 6 or 7 this summer..

 

Went to MI to see a few of my favorite bands.. Eyes on the sky, at long last, paradise fears, ashland high (trace cyrus.. yes, mileys brother.) and FTSK.

 

Here's my picture with Trace. He was so sweet. I got pictures with pretty much every other person there too but this picture list is already long as-is.. add me on facebook if you wanna see the rest, haha.

 

Went to an arcade place with one of my best friends for my 17th birthday.. I've known her since i was 5. Haven't seen her much the past few years until recently..  reconnecting with old friends is an amazing thing.

 

Saw Paradise Fears for the 3rd time this year.. at a house party they did in Grafton, OH. These 6 guys (and the friends i've made through them) are the only people who have left me with any hope in the human race. They are some of the most accepting people I have ever met.. I couldn't be more thrilled that I've got to spend as much time with them as I have. (:

 

This is my picture with Marcus (the bassist in PF). We (me and like 15 other people) sat and talked with them all for like 4 hours around a bonfire.. It was an amazing night. Too many pictures to post at once, though. This was honestly a night I'll never forget.. I made a bunch of new friends (that i don't want to post pictures of.. I don't know if they'd be cool with it.) that i would have never met otherwise.. I've only known them a week but i feel as if I've known them my entire life.. Music brings people together in an amazing way.. I love it.

 

Me & Tara. The girl I typically go to all these concerts with. (: it's all smokey because of the bonfire. haha.

 

Went to a big sunflower patch to take some senior pictures for my friend, because her photographer wasn't available.. we ended up setting a timer and taking some of both of us.. (:

 

All in all my summer was absolutely amazing.. This wasn't even half of what I wanted to post but this is already way too long as is so I'm going to shut up now..

 

Before I go? That band I keep seing? Paradise Fears? They did a cover of a song by Gym Class Heroes that is kind of amazing... their originals are fantastic but the video for this cover... you should watch it.. all the way through. Seriously.. It will give you hope in humanity.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf4YPpOQMGc

 

 

Alright! Bye (:

 

 

 

 

10 month post-vsg update.

Prepare yourself: Long update.

Ahh It's finally summer time! Sorry I haven't been updating as much. I've been busy at the pool. (;

Anyways. It's almost 9pm. I'm bored. Figured I'd come on here and update.. and start a few posts that I can put up in the future.. so if I ever don't have any ideas, i can put one of those up and i won't feel guilty for not posting anything. (:

Currently I'm 197lbs. I broke the 200lb mark. So I'm happy. I've been at 197lbs though now, for a month.. I emailed my dietitian today asking what she thinks... And she thinks I'm not eating enough actually.. So I'm waiting on an email back from her to see what she thinks I should change.

I'm having issues with Metformin... It's really started bugging my stomach.. Something it never used to do. I've been on it since i was like 8 years old.. So it's surprising. I'm afraid to be off of it, or on a lower dose.. Because i tend to not lose weight when I don't take it... But The nausea/stomach pain isn't the only issue.

I've sort of become hypoglycemic (To have low blood sugars).. I haven't had a doctor confirm it for me.. But there are a lot of times that it gets really low.. A few times it's gotten into the 40's, which is really scary.. I mean I know how to get it up.. It just takes awhile.. and I mean, I can't eat a ton.. So it's hard to manage it right.. If i get down to 40 something.. I know i need to eat something sugary or simple carbs.. along with protein/complex carb to get it back up... and keep it up. I don't enjoy math. I've never liked it or been good at it. It's a pain in the ass. & That is pretty much what it is.. trying to squeeze all of that into 4-8oz depending on what it is, is kind of hard.. Especially when you're shaking so much from it being low, you can't hold a glass of lemonade without it dropping and/or spilling..

So yes, that's very frustrating.. But I'm working on it. It's getting easier to manage.

I also need to figure out what's going on with my PCOS... The pill (birth control) pill I'm on is constantly changing.. and the one I'm on now isn't strong enough. I break through. So.. That's something else I need to bring up with my doctor. But I've been regular.. Which I never have been in my entire life. I hardly ever had it before.. So.. bittersweet thing. :P

I will admit I have had drinking issues.. Not alcohol.. :P I mean.. getting the minimum of 64oz of sugar free fluids in each day. I just don't remember! I'll go and take a few big gulps. then I'll feel full and bloated. set it down. and then forget to go back to it... I'm never as thirsty as i was pre-op.. so it's an adjustment. I've lost my thirst, along with my hunger.. Ha! Fantastic. anyways..

Food porn announcement!:

I'm a Mexican food junkie. I love spicy things. My dad and I went to this Mexican sports bar (Else's) the other day and I got this... This was the half. They had a whole option. Both were huge. I could only eat one slice.. but this chicken quesadilla was fucking amazing.. and stuffed with grilled chicken and cheese... really high in protein.  and just flat out amazing. Pretty cheap too.. I will definitely be going back there.

Okay. food porn over. Back to the update.

Uhm... Exercise! Yeah. Let's start that.. I'm working out close to an hour a day... Going on walks/jogs.. and toning. I do palates and light weight lifting (3lb weights)..  I do this 4-5 days a week.. and the other days I go swimming (and sometimes on the same day).. The pool i belong to is sort of like a mini water park.. there are water slides and a vortex pool and stuff.. lots of hills in the grassy area, steps, slopes, etc... Just walking in and out of the place is a work out in itself. And I love swimming. It works all your muscles. You don't really sweat.. or you don't feel it anyway, because of the water.. it's easy on bones/joints.. It's fantastic. and you don't really know you're working out when you do it. which is fantastic.

Surgical scars:

I know the lighting sucks.. sorry about that. But.. You can hardly see them. My stretchmarks I have are fading, and the surgical scars are fading with them. (Sorry there is one you can't see. it's in a really awkward spot. But it's the smallest out of all of them... and is the most faded. you literally wouldn't be able to see it at all.)

Lets see.. what else... Oh. NSV. (non-scale related victory).. there are actually  few, which I'll put here.

Had a bonfire the other night.. 2 neighborhood kids were moving to Michigan (I live in Ohio).. So.. All the neighborhood kids were over. The 2 that were moving, plus 3 other kids.. plus my 3 little brothers.. and the drummer in my brothers band (the kid in the Nike shirt.. the other 3 kids in the picture are my little brothers.) They roasted marshmallows and made s'mores. (Yes.. I had one. Sue me. I regretted it twenty minutes later. I learned my lesson.) Quinn (brother on the far left) and tommy (drummer.. kid in the nike shirt. all the other kids in the picture are my brothers. (: ) and I  all took turns with a guitar.. playing, messing around.. Kept the fire going for over 8 hours. (from a little before 7 till a little after 3 in the morning..) we were just fucking around.. having a good time.. The victory in all of this? I was actually in pictures... Usually I'm the one hiding behind the camera... But I actually wanted to be in pictures this time. Most the pictures I have of myself.. I trust myself to take, at the right angle, so I don't look bad, etc.. I'm really into photography so I know how to edit too, and all that.. Well.. not this time. I handed my $300 camera (carefully.. and hesitantly) to my little brothers to take turns.. and i ended up in some pictures.. that I didn't feel the need to edit.. Which is happening more and more lately.. Which is amazing. <3

Second NSV?

For over a year I didn't sleep in my room.. stuff accumulated... you literally couldn't walk 2 steps into the room without tripping on something... I had no bed. My friend broke it. I had a couch in there to use as a bed, but I couldn't fit on it.. I was so claustrophobic and my blood pressure was always so high.. I was so overweight.. i just felt tight and confined in the room.. so i slept on the couch out in the living room.. well... I finally got the motivation to clean my room last week... and actually sleep in there... and I'm not claustrophobic anymore. Oh. and I'm actually getting a real bed this weekend too. (; Life is good..

Last nsv.. for now..:

I played soccer for almost 10 years.. I quit when I was 13. I was closing in on 200lbs.. It was physically becoming too difficult for me to play and keep up with the other girls.. I was on 3 teams one year! A competitive select team, my school/church team, and a rec team... I loved soccer... I always have. It's honestly a part of me.. I still watch games. and play outside with my little brothers.. I'm looking into refereeing now. Well.. That bonfire I mentioned above? I was FREEZING. (another nsv.. no mater how cold it was outside.. i was hot. i never wore coats. now i get freezing so easy it's not even funny.. and i love it.) i went inside but all my sweatshirts i couldn't find because i had just cleaned my room! so they were all int he wash, with all the other shit i found. WELL. i found this hoodie on the top shelf in my closet... It was my old select soccer team hoodie.. has my last name on it and everything.. It used to be skin tight. So even when i was at soccer practices and stuff i wouldn't wear it... Guess what? it fits now. it's big. it's comfy. and i love it..... <3 I seriously almost started crying.. I miss soccer so much... I'm starting training now.. to hopefully try out again next season.. I miss it. and That is a huge goal for me.. to get back into it. it was my lifeline. It was how I took out my anger. Something I'll actually admit I'm good at. And i miss it. I will make that team again, some how.. some way.. <3

Alright.... Enough NSV's for now... anything else i can think of..

OH. okay. last thing. for now. Lose skin is getting really fucking annoying. I can't wait to have it all cut off.. The nurse prac. at the hospital doesn't seem to think I'll need much.. if any at all.. because i started at a lower weight than most their patients.. But... I know I will.. I keep getting cysts where the lose skin is. and it's annoying. and painful. I'll do a separate post in a bit about what I'm looking into.. PS wise.. But yeah... my legs are amazing. Years and years of dance and soccer and swimming and tennis... I've built up a lot of muscle.. and I've always tried to keep it. i like my legs. but when i sit down... it's just disturbing. my friend took this picture of me when i wasn't looking the other day:

You can see my thighs just.. flatten out. spread out. and over lap each other. It hurts to walk sometimes because the skin rubs together and what not.. I get rashes. It's a pain in the ass. Those bug me even more than my stomach... So yeah.

Over all.. yes I'm having some issues.. with the loose skin, low blood sugar, and some meds.. But. I"m happy! It's summer! I go to the pool a few times a week. I'm actually ENJOYING exercising.. something I never thought I'd say. yes. I'm eating too little right now.. But... even though its bad.. and this is probably a bad way of thinking... I almost see that as an accomplishment.. Simply because... It isn't the other way around. I'm not eating too much for once in my life..

Life is fucking fantastic. I can't wait to get to my goal weight.. I"m 57lbs away. And then get all this skin chopped off. and to be able to get this tattoo on my ribcage I've wanted forever... to keep training and get back into soccer..

I'm feeling extremely optimistic. And I'm happy. Loving life right now... VSG = best decision ever.

I love you Chewbacca. <3

-Ashley.