How I got to this point.

Alright, so basically this is just a post about how I got to this point. My journey so far.

When I was three, my Mom started noticing my yearly weight gains were larger than they should be.. She’s a nurse, so she got kind of worried and asked my doctor what she thought.. Every doctor she asked just pushed it off as if she was stupid. “Oh, just give her skim milk, instead of whole.” Or “Don’t feed her as much.” .. Which really got old after awhile. My mom fed me right, always made home cooked meals and knew what I was being fed. That wasn’t it. After years of arguing with doctors and such, finally Dr. Preudhomme came around.. He worked in a clinic at a local childrens hospital.. We got a refferall there when I was 5, and got tested for insulin resistance.. Sure enough, I had insulin resistance. And that’s where it all started. I’ve practically grown up at that hospital.. Although Dr. Preudhomme doesn’t work there anymore, he certainly changed my life with that diagnosis and working with me and my family for years.. I would be much worse off if it wasn’t for him.

Constantly growing up I had dieted and done different exersize schedules and tapes and such.. all Physician supervised.. I could kind of manage my weight.. but could never lose more than 5 or 10 pounds without gaining it back. My mom has thyroid issues, so she constantly got me tested for thyroid issues.. But I don’t have hypothyroidism.

I was the most active little kid.. I played soccer from the time I was 5 till iw as 13. Tennis for 3 years, basketball for 3, volleyball one year, I swam from the time I was 7-12. I danced from the time I was 3-12. I had lots of neighborhood friends I would play with. Riding my bike, skateboarding,  things like street football or catch the flag.. I have all of these great memories of it all.. But then it got ruined when I had to go in for an hour each day, because none of that counted.. on top of how active I was, ih ad to do an hour of aerobics each day. I was the only 7 year old I have ever known, that had to do Richard simmons tapes.. Sweatin’ to the oldies. It was terrible. But I sucked it up and did what I had to do.

I went to a private elementary school.. In 6^th grade I started switching schools.. I had been bullied all my life because of my weight. No one cared the medical reason behind it. And I got fed up.. so I started running from my problems.. And at the same time my family went into financial difficulties and we moved a few times.. I started losing friends.. And my parents separated.. All of middle school was spent in a deep depression with parents fighting, separated, me babysitting my 3 little brothers constantly. I was like a mom to them. I even retook a grade one year because I was always home with them.. it was messed up.. But let me ask you something. When you’re depressed, do you feel like working out? No. I just gained.. and gained.. and gained.  Lots of drugs and therapy has helped me get back on my feet again. I still have my moments.. But I’m mentally more stable than I was. But I let myself go..

Back in the fall in 2010, my mom came back after a three month ‘trip’ (I use that term lightly), and was shocked.. my body had changed.. I had no chin. My face was what I guess some doctors call ‘moon face’.. it was all round and flat and puffy.. I had a ‘buffalo bump’ behind my neck, inbetween my shoulder blades.. my body had just shifted.. I had a gap between my teeth when I was little that closed up on its own when I was like 12.. it was back.. (my dentist just said because of the weight my bone structure of my face shifted.. so now my teeth are messed up again.).. She talked to some doctors and found out about Cushings Syndrome, PCOS, and a few other things.. We talked to some doctors and got a referral to an endocrinologist.. Got some blood work done and saw a gyno.. Turned out it was pcos aswell.. And not long after that I was put on Blood pressure medicine. Things were snowballing at me. Now it wasn’t just the insulin resistance. Now pcos, and hypertension were involved aswell.

So now my kitchen has accumulated more medicine bottles, I see more doctors, and I’m just flat out more miserable..

By February this year (2011) I saw something on the news about teen weight loss surgery.. I just looked it up, not even considering surgery.. I had never even thought about it before.. I knew people that had had it, but they’re all adults… I came across Cincinnati Children’s Research Hospital, and their Teen-LABS study with teen weight loss surgery.. I looked at other websites, youtube videos, all of that.. and did my research before even mentioning it to anyone so I wouldn’t look stupid.. I knew I was young. I still know that. But I wanted to know what I was getting myself into beforehand.

I mentioned it to my mom first.. I just said ‘hey, did you know they do weight loss surgery on teenagers now?’ and she didn’t believe it.. I showed her. Not even saying I wanted it.. then the next day I remember asking her about it and showing her hwo I met all of the qualifications.. she agreed to ask my doctor about it.. then my dad is kinda a quiet guy.. I asked him,  but he never has much to say. He just goes along with whatever. But he seemed alright with it all..

My family doctor wasn’t very sure because of my emotional state the past few years.. She wanted my psychologist that I was seeing at the time to be on board, and the endocrinologist we started seeing.. So once we talked to my counselor and I went to my endocrine appointment.. My endocrine went ahead and sent a referral to Cincinnati Children’s.

It wasn’t too long after I got a packet in the mail for information to fill out to send back.. Copies of insurance cards, some forms, essay questions.. I filled it all out.. Being me, I didn’t bother asking my mom at first about the forms.. I knew my SS number, I know all the names of the medicines im  on, all of that. And my mom hates paperwork. So I was excited and did it all, then showed her to make sure it was all right.. And we mailed it back.

In that packet, was a bunch of information on the different surgeries. I looked over it all.. My mom didn’t like the idea of the VSG at first.. My endocrine liked the idea of the Lap-Band, and the RNY has the most research done on it.. It’s been around the longest. So that’s what my mom was for.. I was for it at first too.. But keep in mind, we hadn’t even met the people at first yet.. So we all just kept our opinions to ourselves for awhile.

At the initial consultation, They did some bloodwork and I met with a team of experts.. nurse, dietitian, psychologist, a medical doctor, and the surgeon.. I actually met another guy  and a girl that day that were there for consultations aswell. I didn’t feel so alone. It was great. Things went well, and we got back home ( I live about an hour from Cincinnati), at like 3 oclock. It was certainly an all day thing.

I got a call the enxt week saying they approved me.. I was so excited. They set up the next appointment, and I had to wait a month.. Anxiously.

From the beginning of that year when I started looking at WLS, to now, I have lost about 25 pounds. Weathers been getting better, ive been digging myself out of the hole I put myself in, and was able to do that.. But my bmi is still around 44 something at the moment.. (as of 6/13/2011).. I’ve been gaining/losing the same 3 pounsd back and forth the past couple weeks..

Anyway, from there I had my second appointment.. I met with the nurse practitioner, dietitian, and social worker.. Talked about things.. I got a binder with more information about surgery and pre-op and post-op things.. And got invited to a support group meeting with other teenagers that have already been through, or are going through the same thing I am. Unfortunatley we didn’t get to go to that, we got lost.. My moms gps broke.. /: But there wasn’t anything I could do about that.

At that appointment though, we talked about the different surgeries.. and My mom got sold on the VSG.. I already had beens old on it, thanks to my own research. So that decision was kind of made there.

We also talked about insurance things.. I have two insurances.. Medicaid(Caresource), and UHC (united health care). UHC won’t cover it.. But caresource is covering it in full, which I was so happy about. The nurse had mentioned to me how quick caresource usually responds, and that they require 3 months in the program before surgery.. which my 3^rd month will be july.. my appointment in july will be it. After that they send off a final letter to insurance, and once they reply, they set the surgery date.. Which they estimated to be sometime in august.

And that’s where I am now. My next appointment with them is this coming week.. I’m not quite sure what that will entail. I’ll update more about it after the actual appointment. But this is where I stand.

I was sick of the bullying.. I hate getting out of breath when just simply changing my clothes, or drying off from the shower.. I hate getting picked on by perverts.. Who like me because im fat. (trust me.. that’s happened too many times to count.. it doesn’t help that I look a lot older than I actually am.. and when they find out how old I am, apparently that just makes it ‘better’.. ew.)

I hate when I eat a salad (which I love.. I love salads!), that people look at me like im trying to starve myself.. because ‘fat chicks’ are supposed to eat burgers and fries and icecream and twinkies, apparently.

Its gotten so hard.. Ive gotten to the point extensive exersize hurts.. my bloodpressure goes up my joints hurt my chest starts to hurt.. so I get exhausted.

I have tried everything. Absolutely everything. Every possible diet and exersize plan.. My mom was never into commercial things, like jenny craig or weight watchers.. but everything I have tried has been watched over by a doctor closely.. and I just cant seep to keep weight off..

Surgery is honestly my last resort, but I’m so glad I have it as an option. I’m so glad I’m going to be able to have it. I’m so happy I’m going to get a second chance.. A second chance I never thought I would have.

Some of my family members think I’m crazy.. That I’m too young or wont be able to handle it.. These are the same family members that never thought twice about insulin resistance or depression.. they thought I was just a hypochondriac. So they’re opinions don’t matter to me. My parents and little brothers, and my 2 close friends are happy for me. I’m happy for myself. And that’s all that matters to me.

I know I can do this. I know with the help of this tool, the surgery, I will be able to get myself to a healthier place.. That is all I want. I want to be healthier.

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Sorry, I know that was kind of long.. But there wasn't really a way to shorten it up. So i hope that helped anyone who was wondering, understand how i got to this point.. How i got to making the decisions i have and where I'm at now.

Thanks for reading, and i'll keep updating as things keep happening.

<3 Ashley.