Back in the fall doctors were having me get tested for Cushings Syndrome. I had a lot of symptomes of it and what not. So i did a 24 hour urine collection and some blood work.. Turns out i didnt, and they later diagnosed me with pcos.. But i looked over my facebook pictures with my parents back then realizing how much i had changed in such a short period of time.. even from like august2010 - october2010, i looked so much different.. gained a lot of weight, 'moon face', buffalo bump between my shoulderblades on my back, losing more hair, etc.. my hormone levels were messed up.
I was doing that again today Just going through the years.. I have them organized by year. I got my facebook in 2009. I have albums 'Before 2008', '2008', '2009', '2010 part 1', 2010 part 2', and '2011' so far. I realized how much I've changed with how i have felt about myself.. I went through kind of a 'fuck the world' emo stage when i was 13.. Back when i quit soccer because i physically couldnt play anymre.. I was just coming out of a tomboy phase.. I've gone through a lot of 'phases'. I was a super girly little girl.. Once i hit 10 iw as a super tomboy for two years.. would never even think about wearing a bra or a girly tshirt, god forbid a skirt or a pair of earrings!.. I hit 13, i was emo. that was kinda when i started playing guitar too and really getting into music.. but i had my moments. I went through John Casablancas modeling and career center for modeling and acting classes.. Could have ended up signed to mtm, but i didnt end up doing it.. I had too much stress gonig on with my family. -- But yeah. then i went to really like rocker/punk-ish.. partly for a guy i liked.. haha. other just trying to rebel against my family.. piss my parents off. i dyed my hair alot and wore a lot of makeup.
Ive always worn a lot of makeup.. Starting when i was like 4 in dance recitals.. but that was it.. i started wearing every day in like ny second time ni 7th grade, and 8th grade.. when i was 13/14. I had makeup classes at JC, so i wasnt bad at applying it.. I look back at these pictures and seriously like.. my skin looked flawless. and i realize how much work i had put into that. the smokey eye, red lips, balancing it out, not both at once.. different colored eyeliner, eyeshadows.. I"m seriously thinking about entering cosmetology school.. lol. Ive also had a lot of different haircuts.. super long, bobbed, bangs, side bangs, tons of layers, short 'emo' haircut that covered half my face witha bunch of layers.. Now its kinda long and i have some sidebangs. I'm growing it out for locks of love.
ANYWAY, my point... Now that i know i'm having this surgery.. I've been losing weight on my own just changing my eating patterns in a way I never have before.. I havent lost a lot, but 20 somthing pounds.. i finally found a routine that keeps my skin looking halfway decent... I havent been wearing as much makeup lately. at all.
My friend tara used to make fun of me cause i had a makeup case bigger than the one in the hannah montana movie.. And not al my makeup fits in it. i still do, cause i change it up alot.. i have a shitload of makeup! but i dont use it as much.. I'm actually able to find random features i like about myself now.. My long (annoying) eyelashes. my eyes that ust happen to change colors like all the time. my nails can grow super long before they break off. stupid things like that.
The smallset weight loss can make someone feel so much better about themselves.. I dont think untill this year, i have lost weight.. since i was like 12. It feels amazing! Set small goals for yourself..
I know the other day at my appointment the social worker asked me what size i would like to get down to.. ow much weight i would like to lose, or what my goal weight is.. and to be honest?
Id liek to get down to a normal bmi.. which for my hiehg tis 140 somthing at the highest.
But, id be happy at anything under 200.. really. I remember how i looked when i was under 200.. I dont want to get down to a size 2! i'd be happy at a 14!
The main goal i want out of this, besides being healthier? Is to play soccer again.. I had to give up soccer when i physically couldnt play anymore.. I miss it so much. I played select.. where i had to try out to be on the team. and i still made it,e ven though i was ridiculousy overweight! I was good.. That is one thing i can actually admit i was good at.. I used to want to play soccer all through highschool and maybe go to college and play tehre too.. Thats not necesarily somthing I want anymore, ive explored my options for collge.. But soccer was my life.. literally.. for 10 years. I miss it.. Sometimes i think i would be so much happier if i never quit. I want to play again. and the first thing i do once i get under 200 lbs? Is try out again. I miss the team.. I miss playing.. I regret quitting, but i know i couldnt have continued.. i would have had a heart attack playing.. i could feel my heart through my chest.. couldnt run very fast.. i wouldnt have made it the next year cause i was slow.. but i love the game.. Its the only sport i enjoy watching and playing.
My whole point with this long post? is set realistic goals for yourself.. surgery or not! It will feel great when you achieve them quicker.. You can set more, along the way.. but start with smaller goals.
"If you really want to do somthing, you'll do it. If you don't, you'll find an excuse."
<3
~Ashley.
www.youtube.com/justashley1637
www.twitter.com/justashley1637 (beware.. huge demi lovato fan.. lol. #StayStrong.)
www.obesityhelp.com/member/ashleyellen1637
If you have any questions or suggestions youd like me to write about, or anything else, feel free to email me! ashleyellen1637@aol.com (:
Have a great day! Oh, and Happy Fathers Day to all you dads out there.. All the ones that have stepped up to the plate in rough times, and stayed there for their families.. Support, no matter in what form, is huge and means alot. Times are rough, but don't give up. ever. This is me and my dad on my first fathers day.. I was like 10 months old, aha. (: its inside a mini radio thing.
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